Boogaloo wrote:
You're welcome to get into it if you like - I'm interested to learn about these things :)
This is my interpretation and other people's may differ but...
For me, all four terms refer to who has control. I see a top/bottom as who has the physical control at that time whereas a Dom(me)/sub relates to the mental control. If someone has surrendered mental control to another it makes them the sub and the other the Dom(me). The activity and their part in it is not important in so much as it may be stopped at any time by the Dom(me) saying so.
Physical control is easier to see. This is the person holding the flogger; straddling the other person or tying someone up. What is happening is in their hands at that moment. How the rope lies; how hard they hit or how they ride the other person is in their control. Top/bottom is likely to be more fluid than Dom(me)/sub because it can change simply by handing a flogger to the other party. The mental control does not often get passed with it.
The abuse of position is also related to whether a person is a top or a Dom(me). The latter will most likely be a mental abuse whereas the former will be a physical abuse. Note I said more likely, it is entirely possible for a sub to mentally abuse a Dom(me).
A few examples may help demonstrate what I mean:
- Mary is riding Paul during sex but Paul is choosing the pace and position. Mary is topping because physically she can go faster and slower. Paul is in the role of Dom because he is instructing Mary on what to do. If Mary didn't do what she was told, it could be an abuse of position and trust.
- Mark and Luke like to inflict pain and receive it so they will flog each other until the other person says stop. This has a top (the flogger) and a bottom (the floggee) but no Dom/sub because neither has given up mental control of the session.
- Ruby love it when Gina ties her up and lets her have free rein but within strict boundaries and Ruby decides when it's enough. This is your typical Dom bottoming to a sub where Gina is choosing what to do but Ruby has defined the boundaries and defines the length of the session
- Gary enjoys a caning from Pippa. She will cane him but Gary will complain if it's too hard or too soft. Pippa may portray herself as a toppy Domme but if she does what Gary is saying, he is in controlling the caning and she slips into the role of the sub. This is commonly known as "topping from the bottom" which is frowned upon by a sizable portion of the BDSM community.