• Arrogance sexy or not?

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    KittyPurry [sign in to see picture]
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    Lubyanka wrote:

    I think that confidence is about self-respect, and arrogance is about anger. In my experience, confident people have a high regard for themselves and others, and arrogant people spend a lot of time hating and denigrating others. In my experience, confident people can enjoy achievement whether it's their own or somebody else's, and arrogant people enjoy putting others down.

    Ahh I want your eloquence! You've exactly nailed the difference...a confident person will say "yes I did well/look good" an arrogant person will say "I did better/look better than you" ... they need to feel bigger and better so they put others down and I concur that this is a total turn-off in everyone!

    their poor self-regard is evidence of a significantly impaired ability to hold me in high regard.

    The only part of your post that I perhaps don't entirely agree with was the above about not being able to esteem others well because of poor self image. My self esteem for example is up and down like a yo-yo but my love, respect, care and admiration for others remains constant however I may be feeling about my self.

    I think the things that cause low self esteem definately can also cause problems in respecting and loving others but don't think it's always the case that they exist together.

    In cases where an individual is constantly fishing for compliments to nurse low self esteem I agree this is very off putting. It just seems rather narcissistic to me!

    xxKPxx

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    Lubyanka [sign in to see picture]
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    KittyPurry wrote:

    Ahh I want your eloquence! You've exactly nailed the difference...a confident person will say "yes I did well/look good" an arrogant person will say "I did better/look better than you" ... they need to feel bigger and better so they put others down and I concur that this is a total turn-off in everyone!

    their poor self-regard is evidence of a significantly impaired ability to hold me in high regard.

    The only part of your post that I perhaps don't entirely agree with was the above about not being able to esteem others well because of poor self image. My self esteem for example is up and down like a yo-yo but my love, respect, care and admiration for others remains constant however I may be feeling about my self.

    I think the things that cause low self esteem definately can also cause problems in respecting and loving others but don't think it's always the case that they exist together.

    In cases where an individual is constantly fishing for compliments to nurse low self esteem I agree this is very off putting. It just seems rather narcissistic to me!

    I'm glad some nails were hit. :)

    And you're right, instead of "hold me in high regard" I should have said "consistently behave as if they held me in high regard". Because in my experience however much regard a person has for me, if their self-esteem drops for whatever reason, I find that they frequently become (at least temporarily) more self-absorbed and less able to empathise with me and listen responsively. This is what I meant by a significantly impaired ability to hold me in esteem, not their feelings about it, but their behaviour. And for me, it might as well be the same thing, because from my perspective, the outcome is the same. So I find that this can lead to problems.

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    KittyPurry [sign in to see picture]
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    Lubyanka wrote:

    KittyPurry wrote:

    Ahh I want your eloquence! You've exactly nailed the difference...a confident person will say "yes I did well/look good" an arrogant person will say "I did better/look better than you" ... they need to feel bigger and better so they put others down and I concur that this is a total turn-off in everyone!

    their poor self-regard is evidence of a significantly impaired ability to hold me in high regard.

    The only part of your post that I perhaps don't entirely agree with was the above about not being able to esteem others well because of poor self image. My self esteem for example is up and down like a yo-yo but my love, respect, care and admiration for others remains constant however I may be feeling about my self.

    I think the things that cause low self esteem definately can also cause problems in respecting and loving others but don't think it's always the case that they exist together.

    In cases where an individual is constantly fishing for compliments to nurse low self esteem I agree this is very off putting. It just seems rather narcissistic to me!

    I'm glad some nails were hit. :)

    And you're right, instead of "hold me in high regard" I should have said "consistently behave as if they held me in high regard". Because in my experience however much regard a person has for me, if their self-esteem drops for whatever reason, I find that they frequently become (at least temporarily) more self-absorbed and less able to empathise with me and listen responsively. This is what I meant by a significantly impaired ability to hold me in esteem, not their feelings about it, but their behaviour. And for me, it might as well be the same thing, because from my perspective, the outcome is the same. So I find that this can lead to problems.

    Ahh yes I think you're right there! When my self esteem plummets I know I feel like I want to just sulk and feel sorry for myself. I'm used to having wavering confidence now so I always make more of an effort with my loved ones to make sure I don't drag them down with me. I also get a lot of pleasure from taking care of and being kind to others so in doing that I feel happier and better about myself! Win-win!

    If I didn't acknowledge those times when my confidence is low and refuse to give in to it I would almost certainly be a complete pain in the bum (and not the good kind !)

    xxKPxx

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