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  1. Giving advice

    1427298948
    mysteron [sign in to see picture]
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    In my book thats a good thing becasue you are reinforcing comments already stated .

    1427299018
    Never know [sign in to see picture]
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    Purring-Pussy wrote:

    I just never know what to say to people at all, it's easier over the internet as I'm not face to face with anyone, but 2 friends have recently fallen out with each other and I didn't have a clue what to say, especially as I didn't want to side with anyone.

    It's something that has got me down for years, just feel nobody can appreciate me for anything.

    And I'm sure you did everything that a good friend to both of your friends would do. Sit there and listen. We all have to do it from time to time, but sounds as though you are the lucky one as this is just the kind person you are. Everyone needs someone to listen to them and sometimes that's the best way to be.

    I often feel that even thoug I try to give advice and give helpful comments I don't quite write them as Im thinking them and it's just a big mess. A bit like this. Hmmmmm so I'll leave it at that. Maybe I should just listen / read :)

    but seriously, don't feel down about who you are. As for what's been said already there is certainly nothing wrong with that!

    1427299224
    Purring-Pussy [sign in to see picture]
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    capricorn13 wrote:

    PP I really enjoy your posts and your wit and humour comes across when we are sparring on a games thread.

    I do know how you feel though about advice. I often spend ages writing a considered reply to a thread only to find that 5 people have posted in the meantime, all phrasing things much better than I have done. I often think " Why couldn't I put it as clearly as that". I guess we are all different and that it was makes life interesting.

    Hope you feel a bit more positive x

    Thanks, yes I am feeling a bit more positive, I guess today is one of those 'woe is me' days! xx

    1427299365
    Purring-Pussy [sign in to see picture]
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    @Never Know, i did just sit and listen, I don't want to fall out with either of the ladies. I'm hoping they will make it up, sooner rather than later.

    1427299907
    PurpleHeart [sign in to see picture]
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    Purring-Pussy wrote:

    @Never Know, i did just sit and listen, I don't want to fall out with either of the ladies. I'm hoping they will make it up, sooner rather than later.

    I had a similar case, my 2 closest friends fell out. I was at a loss of what to do. So I just listened and tried to not take a side with one of them and talked neutrally about "the other one". I'm happy now as after a long! year, they have started fixing their relationship. :) I too normally prefer to just listen, and have no idea what advice to give. But people sometimes just need to vent and having someone to listen is very useful. Hope your friends make it up soon.
    1427302333
    fantasia fairy [sign in to see picture]
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    Purring-Pussy wrote:

    Now I'm feeling overly embarrassed and attention seeking.

    Thank you all for your input and kind words x

    This is how i felt over the past week!

    But then everyone told me to stop being silly! Just like you should stop being silly :)

    1427302550
    macspants [sign in to see picture]
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    Purring-Pussy wrote:

    Is giving advice something you succeed at? Does it just come natural? I must admit, it's one thing I fail miserably at. I'm much more of a listener and a keeper of secrets.

    Just feel a bit crap as I can't use these forums how a lot of the regular posters do, by helping others and giving advice.

    I have a similar problem but for me its that I have a real problem with empathy and emotion. I am in no way autistic but my wife often calls me emotionally retarted, but stangely enough not as an insult. Circumstances of my youth (I once made a lengthy post here on a day of reminiscing... I know its odd that an empathy stunted person would do such a thing but hey-ho, feel free to read it to see someone wallow in self pity) have left me with no real reference on how to deal with peoples emotional states.

    Since having kids I think I'm getting better but I often still have to make a conscious effort to kick my brain into gear to cope with situations that require empathy, and hence I am usually rubbish at giving advice as I often dont see the problem if approached logically.

    The upshot is that when I do give an opinion or advice on these matters people know that I am being completely honest and that it is matter that I feel instantly connected to, when I do show emotion is it is truly heartfelt and not because it is the socially correct thing to do and I tend not to give cursory platitudes but what (for me at least) count as real feelings.

    The downside is no one wants to watch reality TV with a guy who's only opinion is "what are they moaning about" and I had to cancel my subscription to "Take A Break" cos I thought it was bollocks.

    My posts on this forum tend to be of a nature that, for me at least, are humorous. I have made a couple of posts on peoples threads that I felt would be taken as being flippant or uncaring, when I have mentioned that, the posters have always replied that "no it made them smile", and to be honest, I am more than happy if that is what I can contribute.

    Anyways the point being.... your post actually made me feel empathy and a need to contribute and surely thats not a bad thing for either of us. Sometimes the worlds too big and the problems so vast that I just stick my head in the sand and move on. I could read/watch something that would have the majority of people in tears and yet the only movement I feel is bowel based, other things that some might find more mundane I can feel a strong connection to, and the more I feel like that the better... but not in a weird other peoples misery is my happiness kind of way! The more times I feel connections in a day I believe the more I can learn and become a better person (a bit like Arnie in "Terminator 2".

    So please don't feel crap about not helping others, you have helped me today a great deal today without it even being your intention, and it means I don't need to watch Bambi for my emotional fix.

    Heartfelt thanks.

    As Stan Lee would say "nuff said"

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    kinky wife [sign in to see picture]
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    I'm normally very much the same I sit and listen to problems and handing out cuddles as i don't deal face to face confutation very well but on here I've said what I thought has bin a good piece of advice so if they dont like it or dont want to listen to it its so much easier to do i find it easier to do as I'm not looking at the face of the person in advising

    sorry for the babbling on x

    1427303033
    kinky wife [sign in to see picture]
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    Never know wrote:

    I often feel that even thoug I try to give advice and give helpful comments I don't quite write them as Im thinking them and it's just a big mess. A bit like this. Hmmmmm so I'll leave it at that. Maybe I should just listen /
    read

    +1 this has just happens to me haha x

    1427303287
    Purring-Pussy [sign in to see picture]
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    @macspants, thanks for the input, really interesting to read. I think I'm a total opposite, in me being over emotional and have somewhat too much empathy, leaving me a nervous wreck all the time, as I'm constantly worrying about others, even those who don't give two hoots about me (some family members mainly).

    @kinky wife, I struggle both online and face to face

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    Terri JJ [sign in to see picture]
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    A friend that is willing to listen is worth so much and very few people can, or are willing to do that. I find that a lot of my so called 'friends' only really want to talk about themselves (obviously excluding peeps on here).

    I love reading your posts and your personality definitely comes across as lively and humorous - and very caring xx

    1427304536
    Purring-Pussy [sign in to see picture]
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    Awww thanks Terri

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    kinky wife [sign in to see picture]
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    Purring-Pussy wrote:

    @macspants, thanks for the input, really interesting to read. I think I'm a total opposite, in me being over emotional and have somewhat too much empathy, leaving me a nervous wreck all the time, as I'm constantly worrying about others, even those who don't give two hoots about me (some family members mainly).

    @kinky wife, I struggle both online and face to face

    I have the exact same problem with family to I though I would of had of but I have found it rather easy even if it ain't the clearest of inputs I just go reply to my best from my experiences x

    1427320913
    FlexyBexyXXX [sign in to see picture]
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    I find that I just put my opinion out there, if it helps someone - it helps someone :)

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