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  1. Vasectomy

    Skitty [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanks again to everyone for responding. It's all a lot to think about, and I'll make sure to pass on the different thoughts to my partner for him to consider in his decision-making. We're not totally ready to rule out the idea of a vasectomy, and my partner is still quite keen on the idea, but obviously we're going to take the time to communicate openly about it together and try to work out what's best for our situation.

    Angus Ncle [sign in to see picture]
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    I wonder how many couples separate after one or other has a vasectomy. Its just that when I had mine I saw another guy who's children went to the same school. Within 2 years both him and I separated, though for me it was not for a different partner, but relationship breakdown. I also felt I quickly lost sexual desire, and had to make an effort to get it going again. Its not uncommon for this to happen. After 4 children I didn't want any more.
    Best wishes for your decision.

    Does anyone know rates of relationship breakdown, or factors ?
    girth1 [sign in to see picture]
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    Had vasectomy in my 20s as didn't want any more kids never had any problems and sex was even better as had no worries about contraceptives

    pest [sign in to see picture]
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    I've got the copper coil. I had ot inserted at the same time as a smear and it was painless. There aren't any hormones in the copper one and it lasts 10 years but easily removeable. I did have heavy painful periods for the first couple of months but they soon went (the pain not periods).

    They are hesitant to offer this to young women though as there is a small risk of tearing that may lead to not being able to carry a child.

    Look into all other options first then decide.

    Good luck x

    Yanouli [sign in to see picture]
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    • Joined: 28 Dec 2014

    I had the snip last september, best thing i did.

    I had the scalpelless procedure where they just make a tiny hole. No scarring  and a lot less painful

    Quiet ones are worse! [sign in to see picture]
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    My wife got sterilised at 30, yes we had to fight for it, we already had "one of each" you just have to be firm with the doctors and stick to what you're saying, may have helped I'm 10 years older than she.

    jimbogemini [sign in to see picture]
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    Got the snip a good while back. Already had two girls. Had to persevere with doctors and finally succeeded . Day patient, general anaesthetic. Two incisions if I remember correctly. A bit uncomfortable for a day or two. No regrets. Saved OH staying on Pill and hated using condoms.The procedure can be reversed.

    MissE23 [sign in to see picture]
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    I too struggle with hormonal contraception......completely messes up my cycle and my moods and hate using condoms with my OH so have a IUD (coil) you can get a hormone based one but also a plain copper coil which is 99% effective.....starts working straight away, can be removed whenever you want. Might be worth looking at until you get the go ahead x

    Skitty [sign in to see picture]
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    • Joined: 8 Jan 2012

    After reading other people's experiences of being turned down for sterilisation, I have no idea why our doctor was so fine with giving the go-ahead after talking to my partner for about 15 minutes at most. Strange how experiences with medical professionals can be so different, but I guess it's all about the particular doctor you see and their perspective on the issue.

    I didn't imagine that my partner would be okayed for it considering that he's 26 with no children. I thought it was going to be years of trying to convince a doctor to do it, and so we went to the initial consultation thiking that at best it would be just to express interest in having it done in the future so that it was recorded that we'd been thinking about it for some time.

    We're still thinking it over. My partner is keen on the idea, but doesn't so much like having to get an appointment for such an unpleasant procedure. It's the sort of thing that's easy to put off!

    woodypop [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
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    • Joined: 26 Feb 2015

    Hi Skitty

    It was back in mid 1980's when I was 35 that I had the snip done privately as one hell of a NHS waiting list then.The doc had no hesitation in me having it done as better half had 2 kids from previous relationship and she was getting towards the age where things could go not as expected with an unplanned pregnancy.

    Dont let me put you off but I did have after effects, testicles very much enlarged and varying shades of purple and brown together with infected stitches but minimal discomfort. no regrets whartsoever.

    Boogaloo [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi Skitty, don't have much advice for you about vasectomies, but wondered if you've considered trying the fertility awareness method (FAM)?

    I also can't use hormonal contraceptives as they exacerbate a neurological condition I have, and we don't like to use condoms all the time. Both of us really want children in the near future so we wouldn't have considered surgery, really the only option left was FAM, and it's the best decision we've made.

    A lot of people confuse FAM with the rhythm method and immediately write it off as being untrustworthy and guaranteed to get you pregnant, but it's actually over 99% effective and research shows it's as good as the combined pill or contraceptive patch at preventing pregnancy. We've used it for a year with no problems 😊

    All you have to do is monitor your daily cervical mucous and take your temperature in the morning. You can record your cervical position and firmness as well, but that's optional. You can chart this information to really accurately determine your fertile window, in which you either have to abstain or use condoms, and for the rest of your cycle you are free to have unprotected sex. I have 30 day cycles, and we only have to use protection for about 10 days a month because I'm very experienced with FAM, however you might have to use protection for a bit longer at first.

    If you're interested in FAM, I'd really suggest reading Taking Charge of your Fertility, it's a fantastic book and really explains the method well.

    Just thought it might be a good alternative for you in the meantime, if you're unable to get a vasectomy on the NHS right now.

    Skitty [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanks for that information, Boogaloo. I'm going to look into what you said as it seems like a great method for avoiding surgery or hormones if I can get it to work for me. I've always sort of ruled out fertility awareness because whenever I've looked into it everything seems to imply that it's really difficult, so I was put off by thinking that I'd get it wrong. It's something that I'd like to try though.

    Thanks again :) x

    Boogaloo [sign in to see picture]
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    Skitty, I used to think it was really complicated when I saw examples of people's charts, and couldn't see how they'd possibly interpret them! But that book I recommend explains it really well, and really clearly states all of the rules (theres only 4 of them). You may also want to check out the Kindara website or download the app, there's loads of great advice on there and they have a great community of FAM users who can look at your charts and give you some advice.

    Overall, it only takes me a couple of minutes every day to chart. 1-2 mins in the morning to take my temp and log it in my app, then I just check my cervical mucous whenever I go to the toilet.

    Maybe do a trial month of charting (using condoms all the time) to see how it goes for you? You can also get special machines that do most of the work for you, but they're quite expensive. Examples include Lady Comp, or Persona (which measures hormones in your urine).

    LittleSwitchBitch [sign in to see picture]
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    I had my tubes tied at age 28. I have 4 children and I am 100% certain I don't want more. I was told under no circumstances would I get it until 35.. I kept at my doctor and eventually I found a gynae who is wonderful and agreed to do the op. A year on nearly and I'm still happy with my decision.

    My OH didn't want to get the snip and I was sick of using hormonal contraception.

    If you are that sure, like really sure sure, keep at your doctor.. What's meant to be will be x

    Best of luck to you both x

    Foxxy [sign in to see picture]
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    I don't have kids, and I'm still totally undecided if I do or don't want them. I'm 32, and am an only child who had little interaction with babies etc as I grew up. As an adult, babies tend to cry around me, probably because they scare me shitless & they can sense it. I would say that I'm absolutely not the maternal kind, and I've always felt this way. I prefer babies to have fur! Lol. I totally understand why you worry about loving something more than your OH, and it changing the dynamic in your relationship, I've always had the same concerns. However, as I've gotten older, I'm questioning my thoughts more & more - a baby is created out of your love for each other, it's a beautiful thing and means your love will still have life & meaning long after your gone. I'm too selfish to commit to children yet, I like my life & relationship as it is, but do I really want to grow old & not be surrounded by children/grandchildren? Heaven forbid, but what happens if something terrible happens to one of you & the other is left alone? I used to think I'd found the one I'd spend forever with, after almost ten years I found out just how wrong I was! Things change, people change. I'm so happy now, but what if I'd done something drastic in my previous relationship? Anything permanent is such a big decision, and when people change their minds all of the time over little things, it's easy to see why people's lives take different directions & they end up regretting decisions they've made. I personally couldn't let my OH have the snip without at least freezing sperm etc, because what if I get hit by a bus tomorrow?

    I might feel like I don't want children, but I also know that if the worst happens in the future, I don't want to be alone with nothing left of our love.

    Good Luck with whatever you decide x

    Kimberleyking [sign in to see picture]
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    Im thinking if maybe if your so negative towards pregnancy get sterilized yourself and to me the fact you arnt taking any comtraceptives at all seems pretty careless when you dont want tkids i got pregnant at 15 using the pull out method it took 9 months and still we have children now i didnt want kids either but i love my babies now so if you are super sure i would ask for you to be sterilized as to me i think taking no contraceptives is your reponsibility and if you are not taking your role and using condoms atleast then i hate to say this but you put the term"unlucky" maybe your placing bets on lives here ?? i do not normallyy write such negative advice but the fact that you would use an abortion as a type of birth controll as such is beyond my imagination

    Boogaloo [sign in to see picture]
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    Skitty came here for advice on vasectomy, so I don't see how she's being careless. It's not an easy alternative to just get her tubes tied instead, it's a more risky and invasive procedure than a vasectomy, so perhaps they're not comfortable with that route. Something to consider maybe, but that's their decision.

    Just because someone isn't taking hormones doesn't mean they're placing bets on lives or using abortion as a contraceptive, that's really insensitive. Hormones and surgery aren't the only way to successfully avoid pregnancy, I'm living proof of that :)

    Kimberleyking [sign in to see picture]
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    Well she refuses to use ANY contaception even condoms i think if she is that deperate not to have children she would take precautions and not risk it i normally give neutral advice but i think its good shes getting he rpartner to a a vesctamy but in the mean time shes using nothing ??

    You cant tell me its not common sense to use ANY form of prevention being contraception or condoms ! if she doesnt want to get pregnant thats just the ovious thing to do whilst waiting on a doctor to make the decision on wether to let them go ahead with the procudure.

    Also i sugested her tubes tied because i know men who have previously been in relationship and had a vasectomy due to the partner not wanting kids however they have met someone who they want to have children with and cant now so i think if you are not maternal get it done yourself as you never know what the future holds for the relationship as they are young!

    I didnt mean to offened anyone i am just abit concerned that there is no precautions being used here she asked for advice and i gave her advice to use something at least until they can get the vacetamy done

    M-J [sign in to see picture]
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    I think its good that you are looking at all angles of this. My Oh had the snip before he met me as he has kids with his ex wife. I have 1 of my own too. When we were on our first date I made it very clear that I didn't want anymore children of my own, I was happy to take on some but no more pregnancies. My reasons for this are very simple, my pregnancy was textbook. Absolutely perfect, I loved it. Birth was OK, not painful. However, my perfect little boy then got sick & the first 3 months of his life was hell for me. It was hard, here was a little boy who had become the centre of my universe, so poorly and I had to trust medical staff to make him better. He did get better and is OK now.

    He and my stepsons are fantastic, yeah, they have their moments (who doesn't), the best moments are when we are just sitting chilling and they come for a cuddle and say "love you". I will protect all my kids till my last breath. Love them. That being said, I can't stand whinging kids of other people. Hate going into restaurants where the kid is screaming because the parent hadn't brought things to keep them busy. The point I'm trying to make here is that how you feel about other people's kids might be different to the children you have.

    I would perhaps investigate the other contraception that's on the market, because, should you decide at a later date about kids its harder to change your mind. Good luck x

    Kinky J. [sign in to see picture]
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    I wanted to come into this thread because I am seriously thinking about having a vasectomy myself.

    There was an unwanted pregnancy some years ago and it ended with a termination, and while this isn't the place to go into all those details I need only say that it left emotional scars the like of which I don't care to revisit.

    However, I'm certain now that I don't want children, and I'm at the age where if I was going to have any I would have wanted to do it sooner.

    The problem is, the wounds of the past are still there even though I know how stupid it is after all this time to still be affected by it. I can't...'perform', shall we say, between the sheets and I know that most of it comes from my fear of similar happening again and the fact that I don't trust contraception any more. I'm a very passionate and sensual person but sadly it's been my experience that most women won't even go there if they can't be sure there's sex waiting at the end of it, and consequently I've engaged in intercourse a grand total of three times over the past ten years.

    I think that if I was to have a vasectomy, coupled with still using a condom just for extra backup and of course from the perspective of staying clean, it would do wonders to take away all that and maybe I could start to have a sex life again or embark on a new one.

    Question - has anyone else faced a similar situation, and do you find that having had the snip gives you better peace of mind? Does it affect anything else in life or can it lead to a bad outcome emotionally or mentally? What kind of reaction did family and friends have if/when you told them?

    The operation itself doesn't worry me; it's the aftermath that I get a little scared of. I also don't really know where to start - does one just ask a GP about it and go from there?

    (Sorry about this post, I hope it wasn't too personal or just too plain boring.)

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