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  1. Warming up for anal

    SexyBumBully [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Colonel
    • Posts: 164
    • Joined: 14 Jun 2010

    Hi all!

    My boyfriend and I have tried anal a few times but we have to stop because it's just too uncomfortable because we haven't warmed up enough!
    He just doesn't understand that anal needs quite a bit of warming up - he thinks I'll be alright after about 5 minutes.
    How can I make him see that I'd be up for it more often if he would give me more time to warm up?

    Thanks in advance! x

    DavidB1986 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 1876
    • Joined: 11 Feb 2009

    Next time you are giving him a blow job, shove an unlubed finger up his arse when he's least expecting it. That'll show him.

    But for real, you need to tell him that it's uncomfortable. Tell him that unless he starts giving you the proper time to relax and prepare, you won't go there any more.

    Remind him that the preperation is half the fun - you don't go to Alton Towers and jump straight onto Oblivion - you build up to it first.

    Plan a night where you have a nice, warm relaxing bath - and then get him to give you a full body massage with scented candles and a good quality massage oil, take the time to explore the area gently - with his tongue, with his fingers, perhaps with a butt plug before moving on to the main event.

    If he's not prepared to do any of that, and still refuses to take the time to properly prepare you for anal sex, you'll just have to put your foot down and say NO MORE!

    Good Luck! :)

    Kitty_Blossom [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant Colonel
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    • Joined: 29 Dec 2014

    DavidB writes the perfect advice. At the end of the day, if you are not enjoying it, the more it goes on the more uncomfortable it will be as you will tensing up more. Is he the same when it comes to vaginal penetration, or does he work up to that?

    I blame anal porn!!

    Kitty x

    LibraLover [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 622
    • Joined: 16 Jul 2014

    DavidB has it spot on! Good luck!

    SexyBumBully [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Colonel
    • Posts: 164
    • Joined: 14 Jun 2010

    Thanks for the replies!
    I have the plugs, he just seems to not want to use them.
    Thanks for the advice DavidB. I definitely shouldn't be letting him if he isn't willing to ensure I'll be comfortable.
    Kitty_Blossom, he's amazing with vaginal - he won't have sex until I've cum using his fingers/tongue first!
    That's why I'm so frustrated about anal :(
    I'm gona speak to him about it next time he asks.
    Thanks again!

    Just Jenson [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
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    • Joined: 19 Dec 2009

    If he wants it he should have respect. Turn the tables on him as suggested as its only fair to work both ways and he will soon understand!

    One other thing is have you tried some warm up on your own in advance? Kind of behind the scenes. Sometimes earlier in the day I keep a small plug in ... The LH amethyst glass plug from here for a while and find its great for play later on

    Kitty_Blossom [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant Colonel
    • Posts: 51
    • Joined: 29 Dec 2014

    Hope it goes well xx

    SexyBumBully [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Colonel
    • Posts: 164
    • Joined: 14 Jun 2010

    So I tried to have a chat about it and was completely taken a-back when he said that he doesn't want anal.

    He said he only says it to wind me up and because I say no. I was totally surprised.

    So I didn't even get to say what I wanted to. I'm not 100% convinced by what he said is true, I think I surprised him just by saying that I wanted to talk to him about anal sex!

    We'll see what happens if he brings it up again!

    BrumGuy [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Colonel
    • Posts: 411
    • Joined: 16 Jun 2011

    If at first you don't succeed ,try and try again.

    Why wait for him to bring it up, tell him it's been on your mind and you would like to know what his opinion was.

    Enjoy. x

    CutieCurious [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major General
    • Posts: 270
    • Joined: 4 Nov 2011

    So, he's saying that he only asks for anal to "wind you up" by getting you to do something you've said no to? He's actually saying that his reason for requesting anal sex is because he thinks you don't want to??

    It's a very strange thing to say. You may be right and he's perhaps just come out with it because he got nervous about what you were about to say - maybe he thought you were about to say that you don't want to ever do it again, and he thought he'd get there first to save face.

    I actually find myself hoping that is the case, because if what he said is true... that's completely unacceptable.

    No matter which is the true sentiment, it sounds like he isn't communicating properly with you. I definitely think you should make a second attempt to have this conversation, and be clear with him that the conversation isn't over just because he has expressed his side of things. You get to talk too!

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