• Is your OH as horny as you?

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    masterandslave [sign in to see picture]
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    I always tend to initiate but back at the start of our relationship my OH always used too! We seem to have done a 360!

    Avrielle_Aniko - Having the We Vibe in alongside your man sounds more painful than it is, its actually very small and fits your contours easily. The main thing is getting your head round how it is going to work! Its good fun! (Review on its way)

    x

    1253802470
    sassy32 [sign in to see picture]
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    I have a major problem with this at the moment - I'm far more hornier than my oh of 28 years and it's getting me down. He is always tired and just wants to go to sleep at night wheras i need sex. It's difficult anyway with 2 children, 19 and 16 who never go to bed early and who never seem to be out at the same time to give us time to ourselves. I've bought a few LH toys recently and i do play with them on my own quite a lot and although i do reach orgasm with them now - it's the intimacy that i want back with him. He's quite happy for good sex only once a week - but i need more. Any suggestions from you guys how to get things back on track ?

    1253803555
    sexynurse09 [sign in to see picture]
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    I'm the one with a lower sex drive in our relationship. It doesn't mean I don't fancy my fella, coz I do, and I love him to bits, but when it comes to sex i'm rarely in the mood. I do have Crohns disease though and when i'm flaring it doesn't do much for my sex drive as I tend to feel sick and have stomach pains most of the time :(

    Sometimes I don't think i'm in the mood and all he has to do is start giving me a back massage or kiss my neck and pretty soon it turns into a full blown session!!

    x

    1253805383
    sassy32 [sign in to see picture]
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    I think women are different to men in that respect - sometimes if i start to touch my fella he just says I will tomorrow i'm too tired which leaves me feeling devestated and rejected so i hardly initiate it anymore. Don't get me wrong we both love each other deeply and he is tired it's not just an excuse and when we have sex it's great - just not happening often enough for my liking x

    1253806604
    spankmebaby [sign in to see picture]
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    I think that we are conditioned as women to think that men always want sex, which is of course ridiculous - I can feel hurt and rejected if my hubby says he's not in the mood, as if it's MY fault that I can't turn him on but that's just silly because I know how much he enjoys sex with me.

    Men never think it's their fault when we say we're not in the mood, they generally accept it.

    I would like a bit more sex too, it's currently 2/3 times a week but I would rather have great sex that we both want than feel like I'm pressuring him, he's never pressured me for sex in over 20 years , even when it's been weeks, not mere days on my part.

    It's hard to understand - but it's not YOU he's rejecting, as long as you're having mutually satisfying sex when it does happen then there isn't really a problem. Is he physically fit and healthy?

    I'm sure you've had lots of times of not being in the mood, that's what I remind myself when I feel unnecessarily rejected - feeling that way is destructive and unhelpful when it's not really an issue.

    My hubby's fallen asleep with me stroking him 3 nights running this week but he's promised me he'll be up for it tonight, it's like torture to lie there wanting them with every pore of your body though!

    1253808114
    Alicia D'amore [sign in to see picture]
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    spankmebaby wrote:

    I think that we are conditioned as women to think that men always want sex, which is of course ridiculous - I can feel hurt and rejected if my hubby says he's not in the mood, as if it's MY fault that I can't turn him on but that's just silly because I know how much he enjoys sex with me.

    Men never think it's their fault when we say we're not in the mood, they generally accept it.

    I would like a bit more sex too, it's currently 2/3 times a week but I would rather have great sex that we both want than feel like I'm pressuring him, he's never pressured me for sex in over 20 years , even when it's been weeks, not mere days on my part.

    It's hard to understand - but it's not YOU he's rejecting, as long as you're having mutually satisfying sex when it does happen then there isn't really a problem. Is he physically fit and healthy?

    I'm sure you've had lots of times of not being in the mood, that's what I remind myself when I feel unnecessarily rejected - feeling that way is destructive and unhelpful when it's not really an issue.

    My hubby's fallen asleep with me stroking him 3 nights running this week but he's promised me he'll be up for it tonight, it's like torture to lie there wanting them with every pore of your body though!

    I don't agree that men never think it's their fault when we aren't in the mood, my OH feels gutted sometimes.

    We tend to be pretty open, if he isn't in the mood he'll usually tell me why and what I can do to help him get there and vice versa....saves the feeling upset and rejected.

    I have a low sex drive due to the pill I'm on, but I know once I start something I'll love it so I encourage myself to get into sex with my OH....I don't there's any harm in doing something when you're not in the mood, 9 times out of 10 just doing it will get you in the mood.

    Ax

    1253812496
    LadiesMan [sign in to see picture]
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    my OH is the least horniest person alive.... and I'm the opposite!! :)

    1253812629
    sassy32 [sign in to see picture]
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    So how does that make you feel? I feel like popping him a secret pill in his coffee to make him so randy again!!

    1253812771
    sassy32 [sign in to see picture]
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    I do agree with spankmebaby - it is torture just lying there and wanting them :(

    1253814382
    KinkyWolf [sign in to see picture]
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    If you're in a relationship with a partner who has lost their sex drive it can be devastating. It was, for me, a big part of the depression that came on after our kids birth. Its the old men-need-sex-for-intimacy thing. It wasn't so much the lack of sex but the lack of the intimacy that goes along with it.

    We're working on it but my wife would go months before spontaneously wanting some. But shes just so TIRED all the time. She always seems to be in pain in the evenings with gallstones as well.

    1253814775
    WandA [sign in to see picture]
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    KinkyWolf wrote:

    If you're in a relationship with a partner who has lost their sex drive it can be devastating. It was, for me, a big part of the depression that came on after our kids birth. Its the old men-need-sex-for-intimacy thing. It wasn't so much the lack of sex but the lack of the intimacy that goes along with it.

    We're working on it but my wife would go months before spontaneously wanting some. But shes just so TIRED all the time. She always seems to be in pain in the evenings with gallstones as well.


    I hope things get better for you!

    I think a lot of women get more intimacy from cuddling than many men and sex provides much of the intimacy men need. I love to cuddle of course but I do get most of my intimacy from sex.

    I think thats why many men cheat, not for the pleasure but for the intimacy and feelings. I'm glad you are working thruogh it and both of you understand each others needs! Good luck!

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    sassy32 [sign in to see picture]
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    I think you've nailed it kinkywolf - it is the lack of intimacy that's the big issue. I just wonder why most people who seem to have lost their sex drive are women - are their any men out their who have this issue and how do their wives cope with it.

    1253815312
    WandA [sign in to see picture]
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    sassy32 wrote:

    I think you've nailed it kinkywolf - it is the lack of intimacy that's the big issue. I just wonder why most people who seem to have lost their sex drive are women - are their any men out their who have this issue and how do their wives cope with it.

    I think my previous post might be related a little, I think many women get enough intimacy from 'cuddling' so there is less 'reason' to do it.

    Bigger issues might just be the general crappiness of peoples sexual pleasure education. Many women still don't really see sex as pleasurable. Many people might just drift away from things that take alot of effort... we're a lazy species! Loads of other reasons too of course!

    Another one is biology, men are often hornier because of the different hormones involved, men are naturally always ready for sex! It makes biological sense. Biology is a big factor.

    1253816441
    launceston babe [sign in to see picture]
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    my oh is not as horny as i am...infact my sex drive as gone sky high in the last few weeks and im not sure if my oh can keep up !!!

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    lickityclit [sign in to see picture]
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    Our sex drives used to be fairly well matched.....but I've become insatiable recently. Even after a good session, I can be horny as hell again a few hours later!

    1253818383
    KittyPurry [sign in to see picture]
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    I'm not sure how much my sex drive is connected to intimacy ... obviously its part of it, I love (for want of a less twee phrase) making-love and being close with my partner but I feel like my sex drive is seperate from that some how. I think it's more primal, I just need sex and if I don't get it I feel like I'm actually going a bit crazy! I sometimes remind myself of one of those crazy little dogs you see humping their owners leg!

    Having said this though I do sometimes wish my OH and I did make-love more but I wish it was on top of, not instead of, the sex we already have! I think I'm just greedy!

    xxKPxx

    1253818921
    WandA [sign in to see picture]
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    KittyPurry wrote:

    I'm not sure how much my sex drive is connected to intimacy ... obviously its part of it, I love (for want of a less twee phrase) making-love and being close with my partner but I feel like my sex drive is seperate from that some how. I think it's more primal, I just need sex and if I don't get it I feel like I'm actually going a bit crazy! I sometimes remind myself of one of those crazy little dogs you see humping their owners leg!

    Having said this though I do sometimes wish my OH and I did make-love more but I wish it was on top of, not instead of, the sex we already have! I think I'm just greedy!

    xxKPxx

    It can also be association, even the kinkiest, dirtiest rough sex can have lovely oxytocin drentched cuddles at the end!

    The intimacy can come after the sex but you unsurprisingly relate the sex with the after sex cuddles/intimacy etc..

    Just a suggestion! Sex doesn't have to be intimate but it might be hard to notice if it is.

    1253819268
    KittyPurry [sign in to see picture]
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    WandA wrote:

    KittyPurry wrote:

    I'm not sure how much my sex drive is connected to intimacy ... obviously its part of it, I love (for want of a less twee phrase) making-love and being close with my partner but I feel like my sex drive is seperate from that some how. I think it's more primal, I just need sex and if I don't get it I feel like I'm actually going a bit crazy! I sometimes remind myself of one of those crazy little dogs you see humping their owners leg!

    Having said this though I do sometimes wish my OH and I did make-love more but I wish it was on top of, not instead of, the sex we already have! I think I'm just greedy!

    xxKPxx

    It can also be association, even the kinkiest, dirtiest rough sex can have lovely oxytocin drentched cuddles at the end!

    The intimacy can come after the sex but you unsurprisingly relate the sex with the after sex cuddles/intimacy etc..

    Just a suggestion! Sex doesn't have to be intimate but it might be hard to notice if it is.

    That's all true but it's not just sex, if I can't have sex I have to do it myself!!

    xxKPxx

    1253821277
    Emmadam [sign in to see picture]
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    me and my partner are about the same, which is ace. partly due to we know what each other likes and not likes. im not into it, but if i were to ask for anal that would completly turn her off. all about communitcation :)

    1253899148
    Alicia D'amore [sign in to see picture]
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    Emmadam wrote:

    me and my partner are about the same, which is ace. partly due to we know what each other likes and not likes. im not into it, but if i were to ask for anal that would completly turn her off. all about communitcation :)

    You're right, communication is one of the most important things!!

    Ax

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