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  1. Is your OH as horny as you?

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    maccess [sign in to see picture]
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    no. no way you would think i was the younger one in the relationship i am a hot blooded male and i want it all the time... non stop if possible..... my OH could never keep up

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    Cuddly Hubby [sign in to see picture]
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    About a year ago, my wife and I each filled in a "fun" survey and then compared notes. This seemed to confirm that I have the significantly higher libido: I'm up for it more than once a day (or night!) whereas my wife is happy with once or twice a week.

    When we talked this through in more detail, though, I realised that this isn't the whole story. My wife tends to be reactive: she's content with once or twice a week based on her own impulses, but she also takes a cue from me, and often starts to feel horny herself when she realises that I'm in the mood. She's therefore generally happy to have sex more regularly if I initiate it (though not usually several times a day or night!).

    It's been really useful for me to understand this. My expectation had been that we were equal partners and that either of us would initiate sex when we fancied it. When it didn't happen as often as I had hoped, I assumed that my wife's reluctance to take the initiative meant that she wasn't up for it. I now realise that, although my view of our equality still holds as a principle, it works better for us as a couple if, in practice, I take the stereotypical male role and, literally, lead my wife up to the bedroom for a good seeing-to on a regular basis.

    I guess the message is obvious -- good communication is the key. If we hadn't had a proper conversation then I could never behave in the way that I now do without feeling like a bully.

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    Alicia D'amore [sign in to see picture]
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    I am very similar to your wife CH and WandA is fully understanding on it!

    Having said that, I do most of the initiating but it's usually one way (as in I want to give but not receive) and he is pretty understanding that this *doesn't* mean he doesn't turn me on, it just means I get satisfaction from his pleasure a lot more often than I do from my own.

    Adx

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    Cuddly Hubby [sign in to see picture]
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    It's complicated, isn't it? It troubled me for a while that this apparent imbalance in power seemed inconsistent with the principle of equal partnership that's dear to me. My key realisation was that in reality the power is still balanced. My wife can still initiate sex herself or turn me down when I try to initiate it. We've just added a ritual by mutual consent in which I tend to take the lead. It occurs to me that it's a bit like the trusted transfer of power in a Dom/sub relationship -- albeit in a more vanilla way.

    As you say, without communication and mutual understanding, this could have been a complete mess.

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    Alicia D'amore [sign in to see picture]
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    Absolutely - a relationship can be completely equal and yet you both have different roles or bring different things to the table.

    I guess you could liken it to him doing all the cooking and me doing all the dishes - he's better at one and me the other so we do what we're good at. If you're better at initiating and she prefers a more passive role then that's fine. The issue of inequality comes when one person doesn't like the role they've taken on - this is when comminication and equality comes in because you can come to a fair conclusion that suits you both as best as possible or comprimise if needs be!

    Adx

    1305157245
    Cuddly Hubby [sign in to see picture]
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    That's a great way of explaining it -- thanks!

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    rach74 [sign in to see picture]
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    im lucky both hubby and i have high sex drive

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