How can I instigate sex?

Ive been with my bf for 2 years however he is always the one to instigate sex.

Im quite passive when it comes to having sex etc. and i dont have much confidence to act sexy and be able to instigate sex.

Anyone got any tips or ideas on how i can be more confident and ways to instigate sex?

thanks :) Sx

If you're feeling too shy and/or lack confidence try having a drink or two (not too much!) beforehand to help lower your inhibitions a bit, loosen you up and help get you in the mood.

If you're watching television on the sofa or something, just try climbing into his lap and giving him a nice, long, passionate kiss on the lips. I've heard/seen on sexual health programs/articles before that stimulation of the lips and mouth through kissing sends all sorts of signals to the rest of your body and gets the wheels in motion for arousal. I can attest to this; a quick snog from the missus is enough to get me going - even if my mind was far from sex.

Or another one is if you're going to be home before him, you can send him a cheeky, suggestive text message or messages throughout the day (this sort of thing is usually easier for most people to write down, rather than say or do), then get made and dressed up in sexy outfit/underwear (this should help you to feel sexy and confident) and be ready and waiting to "trap" him as soon as he gets in. I'm sure the text(s) followed by the sight of you will be more than enough for him to jump you! lol.

I'm sure there are loads more and better ways and tips and advice for you from the other users, but that's just what I came up with off the top of my head. For what it's worth you look fab from your picture so you needn't lack confidence in your ability to act sexy. Good luck!

That is really helpful! Im definitly gonna try these at some point.

Its harder as we dont live with eachother - but i have this vision of cooking him up a nice meal, and dressing up real sexy so he can 'relax' after a hard days work xD

Jee, Thanks

x

Hey no problem.

Hmm, yeah living apart is trickier. If you can get either yours or his place alone one night then yeah. Cook him his favourite, get a glass of wine or two down you both and then, "oh would you look at that" - underneath your cooking apron or normal clothes you've got some sexy lingerie on and hey presto - dessert's up! Teehee.

As a male married to someone like you, that wants his Mrs to take initiative more here's what I suggest.

1.surprise blowjobs- nothing makes a male more happier than one of these.

2. Dress up and wait for him to enter. Because you have already dressed up he knows what is about to go down and will pounce on you. You just need to make the first move which is dressing up.

3. Tie him up and blindfold him. If he is tied it gives you a chance to take advantage of him and show him your dominant side. If he is blindfolded he cant see you, meaning you don't have to be as nervous. Even gag him so he cant say anything, let it be your time to shine.

4.when he is relaxing rub his balls. Males love getting their balls rubbed and there's no better way to show your appreciation than you rubbing them whilst he is at home relaxing. The next time he is sitting up having a beer and watching tv just put your hands down his trousers and rub his balls.

5. Strip down and wait for your man on the bed head down ,arms flat infront of you and arse up. Its a very sexy sight to see and again that's all you have to do to initiate it.

6. Surprise him with a porno movie. Watching one with your partner is always fun and it shows him that you are confident and that their is trust in your relationship. It normally leads to sex.

7. Talk dirty. You don't have to go porno script on him. Just tell him things you like and fantasize about. For example if last week he stroked your genitals in a way you liked. You look him in the eyes, bite your lips and say i loved the way you did that "....."whilst rubbing your hand over his chest or over his trousers. You will get him.excited to do it again.

the main thing to remember is to communicate. If you liked something make sure he knows. If you fantasize something make sure he knows. if you want something, you get it. Communicating builds trust and leaves to you being more confident with your OH

When i'm not confident, i think up an alternate persona, one of someone who is forward and a go getter who just says what they want. I pretend i'm not really me but i'm this alter ego, i find it easy/that it works because since i was little i loved acting and the ability to just not be me for a while, i don't think it would work for everyone though.

My OH still suffers from this & we've been together 20yrs, but DONT PANIC ! Its more common than you think.

Start simple, what pleasures do you both enjoy? For us its a massage; start by offering him a simple neck/shoulder/back rub & progress from there,... usually downwards.

Communicate. You live apart so sexting can be a great way to get the mood flowing; ask him what he would like, Tell him what you are going to do to him when you see him next?

Tease (blokes secretly love it), Make your favourite meal in front of him in your prettiest lingere, and he has to keep his hands to himself whilst preparing it or no desert !

But most important,enjoy.

Your not alone hun im exactly the same, I agree its hard if ypu dont live with them and prehaps like me we still live with our partners so sex can b awkward and hard to instigate, but more often than not just climb on top and give him a good snog will be enough x

Sophiexx, if that's you in the profile picture, just open the door dressed like that! then give him a wink or "shy" look?

If you actually have a hard time using words, get something like a collar that you can use. Well ok, maybe a collar would be too much, but definitely something where he would know that if you are wearing it, then you want sex.

Or just try being more assertive and mentioning sexual things to him when he comes in.