How can I get my wife to tell me her fantasies?

My wife and I have been married for over 5 years now and in all this time she has never hinted at what she fantasieses about.
She isn't a very open person at the best of times but I think she must have some kind of kink that we could try together or at least we could talk about sex in an adult way.

Hi Marriedscot

I could be posting exactly the same thing, brother. :)

I've been with my wife for over a decade and while I adore her utterly, she's similarly shy about talking about things sexual, or her fantasies.

It's been getting a little better in the last couple of years, mostly down to my gentle insistence, but it's still difficult.

Something I started doing was writing her erotic stories and then judging by her reactions how well that particular fantasy has gone down. While that has led to a couple of real non-starters, it has, in the main, steered me towards the kinds of things she likes without her having to tell me so.

It is really dififcult. It's such a delicate thing that you don't want to push or force or pressure. Good luck.

Hi!

I'm in a wonderful lesbian relationship, but I was the one that didn't ever want to speak. I was shy, I wanted to say something, but I didn't know how to get it out.

What worked for me, was being totally worked up. Tease her, eat her out, but keep her away from orgasm. It'll come to a point where she'll want more, and you tell her she needs to ask for what she wants. And if she says something relatively generic, or ordinary for you two, tell her to go into more detail.

Don't push her, and take your time. If she's too quiet, give her something you know she'll enjoy, and try to bring it up at a later date. Good luck!

What about doing a fantasy jar. You both write down some fantasies and put them in the jar, every so often open the jar & pull one out

Same here, mate. We've been together over a decade and should know each other's minds and bodies back to front and inside out by now. However trying to talk about fantasies and kinks is like getting blood from a stone. And for the longest time I was the shy one in the relationship! What the hell happened!?

I've been married for a very long time and it's really only in the past year or so that my fantasies have been brought out . I always had them, I reckon most women do but a lot of the time they're just too shy to say or they think that their partner might be put off in some way. In the end I didn't actually have to tell him, we have a shared laptop and he saw the kinds of porn I was downloading, that was a really big clue!

The thing is now I think these fantasies are pretty tame, it's mainly sex with two men, firemen, army, pretty much anyone in a uniform even window cleaners and repair men!

Maybe she thinks you'll be jealous if you know she fantasies about other men cos that's what I thought ( turned out not to be the case )

If she reads erotic fiction, have a look at it and see what sort of stuff she's into that might help.

How about writing out a 'check list' that you give to your wife and ask if she would mind completing for you. Don't scare her with anything too extreme on the initial list - things like blindfold, feather tickler, erotic massage etc and then have next to each item 'No', 'Yes' & 'Willing to try'. If this works and confidence starts to build over time, you could add to the list, and ask her to look again at her original choices and see (with her increased confidence) if anything has changed?

This will probably take time, but will be so worth it for both of you as her confidence starts to grow :) x

How about playing a sex board game or using some dice to get you guys a bit more comfortable with different stuff, without having to talk directly about it?

This one seems to be pretty popular: http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=662

M-J wrote:

What about doing a fantasy jar. You both write down some fantasies and put them in the jar, every so often open the jar & pull one out

simple and effective

Thanks everyone there's some great advice here and it's good to know that other guys have the same experience as myself.

It's one of the reasons I love this forum. Even when there's no solution, which is rare enough to be virtually never, sometimes it just helps to know you're not the only one having that problem.

I've only joined LH recently and I cannot speak highly enough of it really helpful and at times a bit of a turn on. Haha