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  1. [virgin] 1st time fun with same sex - some advice please

    darklightq [sign in to see picture]
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    I'm a virgin having never had full on penatrive sex or any other form of sexual contact with anyone male or female but as of this year i've taken what were fantasies of having fun with guys one step further by actually having fun in real life.

    I've conversed with a few guys who were happy for me to take things slow with them on any first meeting but for various reasons like distance from me, Me not driving and me not being able to acommodate easily these have not happened but there has been others come up that may happen at somepoint (I'm on an adult dating site).

    Now i'm not nervous about having fun with the same sex as it turns me on at the thought of it especially when guys suggest things to me. The thing i'm more nervous with is the fact i've never done anything sexual before other than on myself of course and even if it's just a HJ at first i still don't want to feel like i'm fumbling about so to speak and just generally being a turn off because of this.

    Any advice guys would be much appreciated thanks.

    Pixieking [sign in to see picture]
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    If there anything in particular that you think off when you imagine yourself being fumbly? Getting started? Oral? Anal? Kissing?

    It might be a bit fumbly and uncertain but that's honestly okay. In fact I wouldn't be surprised if that was actually a bit of a turn on/endearing to whoever you're with.

    My biggest thing would be follow what feels right. Asking if one thing feels better than another or shifting because you're getting cramp or somesuch is normal. Usually you can start to learn what someone likes just by how they react to things you might do on a whim or as part of someone more general. (One thing I like to do is work out how a guy likes to be gripped, makes things much easier. Some like it more to the base and some like it further up.) Just take things slow and don't feel like you have to rush through from one thing to the next. One good thing about talking in advance is you can set out what you'd like to try or not before you even meet.

    If you're interested in giving anal then i'd say take another look at some of the anal threads here. If you're topping then you can let the guy who's bottoming take some of the lead. Ask questions and you'll get answers and you can take it from there. He'll be able to get you in in a way that's comfortable for him then you can start having a more active role once he's sorted. If you decide that you want to try bottoming then communication is key. If you communicate what you're feeling and set the pace then it'll help out the top.

    MrsMcX [sign in to see picture]
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    I know it will be hard, but the best way to avoid any fumbling is to be totally confident. Just go in thinking that you know what you're doing and act like you're very confident and things just seem to flow that little bit better because it gives you a little boost. If you go in thinking that you're going to be all fumbles then you're putting unnecessary pressure on yourself.

    Do these guys know that you're a virgin? If they do the they're totally going to expect that you're not going to be perfectly relaxed and they'll accept that, it actually will probably be a bit of a turn on that you're not as experienced as other guys.

    Good luck :)

    DavidB1986 [sign in to see picture]
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    Great advice so far.

    The most important thing is for you to feel comfortable. You don't have to do everything and you take it at a pace you are comfortable with.

    The great thing about being with another guy, is that you already know what feels good! OK that's a bit of a generalisation, but you know how everything's works!

    If you do decide to go 'all the way' and receive anal, then take it slow, lots of lube and get on top! It's a totally different feeling than a plug or dildo - so you need to maintain control.

    Be safe, and just relax and enjoy yourself. If they know it's your first time, as Mrs said, I'm sure they will understand and make sure you are relaxed.

    Good luck! X

    darklightq [sign in to see picture]
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    Big thanks for the advice so far guys/ladies.

    Everyone who i talk with knows my first time will likely be a handjob by me on them but i'm prepared to let any potential guy go at most to oral on me then maybe after the 3rd time i'll advance to performing oral and giving/recieving anal (Having anal toys may not be the same but i'd like to think they give me confidence if i receive it). Also to add to that everyone so far has been happy with me doing what i'm comfortable with and they have been fine with that.

    I'm generally uncertain on how to get started, I mean being a guy should be helpful in some way when we get down to it once i know what they like and all that but it's all the stuff before hand that i feel like i'll fumble with. undressing them if desired, getting them ready i.e erect. what to do other alongside getting them erect that can help. I honestly felt being confident would hinder me as i would think 'yeah i'm a guy this ain't too bad' then mess up someway but actually it may help me though need to not be over confident.

    Did have one guy ask me some question (Can't remember what it was) which was perfect for mentioning i was a virgin but other than that i'm not sure when is the best time to mention it without just blurting out 'I'm a virgin' like that randomly at the begining of a conversation or whatever.

    Young and fun95 [sign in to see picture]
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    Say, be gentle, I'm new to this. You might be fumbley, I know I was on my first, second, third, fourth.....let's just say it took some practise! But that's Ok, it's just nerves, and it meant OH was more encouraging and surprised that I had skill so it built my confidence. Just do what feels right and enjoy yourself

    DavidB1986 [sign in to see picture]
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    Try not to over think how it should all go down - just let it go with the flow. If you try to plan exactly how it should all happen in your head, your not going to be relaxed.

    Maybe just talk first, get each other in the mood vocally and take it from there.

    darklightq [sign in to see picture]
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    I know the basics of what will happen and what won't so should just leave it at that then and not complicate things for myself. There will have been a lot of chat done before any meeting with all the basic like getting to know each other taken care so should be able to as above get in the mood vocally before hand.

    MattB [sign in to see picture]
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    Just remember it's meant to be fun, so relax and enjoy it wothout worrying too much about 'performance'.

    Fluffbags [sign in to see picture]
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    Does your potential partners know you have never experienced this before?

    I don't know about anyone else, but one of my exes was a virgin when we got together and I vastly more experienced. I expected nervousness and fumbling, because this was new territory for him and I was honoured that he felt comfortable enough with me to share that experience with him. I mean, maybe its just the sadistic streak in me, but I find nervousness/shyness to be a huge turn on.

    All I am saying is, if you have told your potential partner and they still want to proceed with you, you can rest assured they KNOW you lack experience and don't realy care about that. It seems they have even mentioned taking it at your own pace, which means they understand and know it is going to be nerve wracking for you. Yet despite all that, they still want to be with you. Either they don't care at all about your inexperience (otherwise they would move on to find someone more experienced) or they find the idea exciting and feel homoured that you want to share your first time with them.

    So...don't worry about being nervous and fumbly. We ALL were nervous and fumbly during our first times and for the most part, even if our partner was more experienced, we all created great memories and learned interesting things.

    My best advice, in all honesty, is don't try to be something your not (confident etc). You will spend large parts of the session putting on an act instead of enjoying the act happening right in front of you. You will detach. Fuck that for your first experience. Let go and be yourself. Be honest yourself and them (even during the session) and if you are with the right partner, you can bet your ass they find it nothing more than exciting and endearing. They wouldn't be with you if they didnt.

    Good luck!

    Incendiaire [sign in to see picture]
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    Communication really is the key. People often have a false assumption that talking about it is going to take the magic out of it all, and that you're just supposed to psychically know what the other person likes, but sex is actually so much better when you discuss things and make sure you're on the same wavelength. Get an idea beforehand where things are going to go, and then keep up the talking. It needn't be a silent affair punctuated with the occasional grunt, while you're wondering if you're doing a good job or not. Keep a bit of banter going, joke around, try talking dirty if you feel like it.

    Make sure you lay out your boundaries beforehand. Most gay guys love to kiss, but not all bi-curious men are comfortable with it initially, so if that's off limits with you make it clear. Similarly if they know you're a virgin then they're likely to go at a slower pace, and you won't get a surprise finger up the bum in the middle of a blow job.

    Try to build up a bit of rapport with the guy before you dive into the sex. Have a couple of drinks and a chat with him first just to relax and make yourself familiar with him, then transition naturally into the sex. Don't just take him into the bedroom 2 minutes after he shows up at the front door, or that does run the risk of things seeming awkward and you not really knowing where to start off.

    Take a few cues from porn. This may seem counterintuitive as people always say "real sex isn't like porn" but gay porn can actually be really good at showcasing proper foreplay. They have a full 20 minutes to fill up afterall, and the build up is just as important as the main event. Take note of what you like, and what you want to try out, and be prepared to mimic the manner in which they undress each other, and slowly caress thebody before going straight to the penis.

    The actual mechanics of the act should be pretty straightforward; the advantage of same-sex sex is that you both have the same equipment, so you're familiar with how it works. Do to him what feels good to you, but be ready to take signals from him and adjust your technique to improve the experience. Also prepare yourself for things which might be unfamiliar; the guy may have tightness in his foreskin, or a short frenulum, which can limit its ability to retract as far as you might expect, or he might be circumcised and have no foreskin at all. Remember to go slowly and learn along the away, and keep up the communication. If in doubt, ask; there's no harm in it and it'll make it better for you both.

    darklightq [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanks for the further respones. All potential parteners are well aware i'm new (Virgin) to anything with guys but NOT with girls as tbh it never really pops up or hasn't done recently and if something was to actually happen i'd make a point to mention it to them in advanced so they knew in case they then decided to say no or whatever

    Most of the potential partner conversations are based on me briefing them so to speak on what i am interested in and what i'm not plus what i want to do first time and what i may want to do in the future. It's also where i build up a rapport as menbtioned above. Like i have said to a few guy's i'm not going to say yes to the first offer i get without chatting for a bit and i have mentioned that i am up for a drink before hand to get comfortable with them.

    I've tried to look at some gay porn to get a feel for things and tried watch not only the bigger production stuff but amateur as well to get a feel for what will happen. I did think it may not be the best way to go about things because like mentioned above "real sex isn't like porn" Then again i'm not going to copy what i see in porn but just take cues from it and adapt it to the situation/guy i am with.

    Honey B [sign in to see picture]
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    I should imagine the best place to start is to forget about porn because i think that is so artificial and can be very intimidating to sombody just starting out on their sexual journey, believe me everybodies first experience is fumbly so dont worry about that , it rarely happens like in the movies, i would first of all get to know yourself , explore your body fully and get to know your limits, likes and dislikes. Chances are when you are totally comfortable with what feels good on yourself the same will also feel good with and for your partner. Dont be afraid to speak up and say no to somthing thats uncomfortable or question something that your not sure of. The other question is are you looking to meet a partner or someone just for sex, because if its possible relationship material then they will be understanding and willing to progress slowly with things. If its just sex then why not experiment it very light bondage as a submissive and let sombody show you the ropes, parden the pun lol, be sure to have a safeword and set limits before hand. Good luck mate x

    darklightq [sign in to see picture]
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    Honey B wrote:

    The other question is are you looking to meet a partner or someone just for sex, because if its possible relationship material then they will be understanding and willing to progress slowly with things. If its just sex then why not experiment it very light bondage as a submissive and let sombody show you the ropes, parden the pun lol, be sure to have a safeword and set limits before hand. Good luck mate x

    Mainly for sex/fun, not looking for a same sex relationship. Bondage is something that's never interested me so not likely to be trying that but you never know, been getting into new things as of this year that i never would have in the past.

    Been speaking with someone new earlier on and mentioned being a virgin which they were fine with which is good to know. Also they were keen to have coffee and that first which is fine by me.

    Dali256 [sign in to see picture]
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    I would say try not to over think it. You can plan out every detail but when your there things will probably not go to your plan. You know what feels good when you do it to yourself so chances are the other guy will enjoy it too.

    Its a good idea to chat on the phone or webcam before meeting someone and should help you feel more confident when you do.

    Take things slow, dont do anything you dont feel comfotable with and most of all stay safe, both in terms of condoms and meeting strangers in a public place first. Never be afraid towalk away if it feels wrong or your not happy.

    Mistress Magick [sign in to see picture]
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    One thing you can do is to watch him masturbate so you can see what he likes. Have him start first so you can pay attention, by asking him if he'll touch himself for you. Then, if you're up for it, ask if he's okay if you touch yourself. Maybe he'll even help. ;-)

    Once you start doing things to him, play careful attention to reactions (breathing, sounds, movement) and let them guide you. It's also okay to ask: Do you like this? Here? Harder? Softer?

    Also a Hint: That one spot on your shaft, just under the head of your cock - that's the best spot for most guys.

    darklightq [sign in to see picture]
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    Well i have something possibly happening on Thursday with someone, so here's hoping it goes well.

    Also got another who wants to have coffee on Sat morning but i don't think i'lll be free so need to sort out another time where can chat and discuss things.

    BDSM-curious [sign in to see picture]
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    fingers crossed for you :)

    kitty x

    darklightq [sign in to see picture]
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    Cheers BDSM-curious

    Could have been tomorrow but i wanted to give myself a day or two of notice.

    FrumCouple [sign in to see picture]
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    Good luck. Keep us posted, we'll be cheering for you!

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