• He doesn't last long enough...

    1251674696
    Salvadore [sign in to see picture]
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    I have the opposite problem with my girlfriend.. once she has come she drys up and finds it uncomfortable to continue. she got off me the other day and went to sleep. I suddenly realised what my ex's must have felt like all those times I came too soon. was no fun.. lol

    I agree with what other people have said. have a quicky. then try again. always last longer the second time

    1251675048
    premium90 [sign in to see picture]
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    dotdashdot wrote:

    My boyfriend and I have been together and been having sex for ages. But this has always been a problem. He just doesn't last long enough. We do foreplay but it doesn't seem to make much difference.

    Sometimes I can orgasm really quickly from sex but I don't always like it to be so rushed. My biggest fantasy is him going ontop and having sex with me hard until I orgasm (it takes me a long time to come when he's ontop but it's so so good!) but this never seems to happen because he just doesn't last.

    He always doubts his performance and says he doesn't last long enough but I don't want to offend him so I say there's nothing wrong. How can I tell him how I feel without offending him? I don’t want to suggest anything drastic like Viagra or sex toys. I know that condoms might desensitise him a bit but they feel horrible and I’d rather not use them.

    It’s just that once he’s come inside me it completely turns me off because it all runs out of my vagina and I have to run to the loo to get tissues, it’s just such a mood killer. And I really hate having to rush to orgasm because I know the sex won’t last long. I find that I am orgasming less and less frequently. Help! xx

    Simple and easy. Purchase this:

    http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=821

    China brush delay solution. Works like a charm.

    Get him to put it on the whole penis - note does say only head. But works better when brushed on the whole penis. Allow it to absorb for roughly one hour. Does say only 20 minutes.

    Stuff stinks. So warning about the blowjob. Really stinks.

    Do not suggest washing it off until after sex.

    He will last more than an hour guaranteed. This stuff numbs the whole head but keeps him hard. It makes the whole penis feel minty and throbbing like no tomorrow.

    Only problem is telling him and giving it to him!!!!!!!!

    As the stuff does not state for delay - you could say that it makes him harder.

    You need to buy lube! Guaranteed to chaff without it!

    1251682674
    randomscreenname [sign in to see picture]
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    Get him to play with you more before he penetrates.

    I like to bring my other half to the brink using fingers tongue whatever and then only actually penetrate her when she's almost already coming. she likes it others may not

    if you take control try to learn when he is about to come and just stop. You can keep it hot by teasing his balls or whatever, but wiat for him to calm down a little and then start up again. or get him to do it if he has enough self control.

    1251713204
    dotdashdot [sign in to see picture]
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    If I say anything like that it tends to turn into an ego massage for my partner too! He is considerate though, it's not like he comes and then he'll turn over and go to sleep or anything. He apologises and usually wants to try things again later if I don't cum.

    I don't know, we've been having some problems recently, it might not work out. I'm going to uni next year to be a midwife and I can either stay close to him or I can go far far away... Decisions decisions.

    Ok gone completely off topic. I'm away for a week now so I won't be online. Thanks for your help everyone!!! xx

    1251713943
    Lubyanka [sign in to see picture]
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    Kieron wrote:

    Get him to play with you more before he penetrates.

    I like to bring my other half to the brink using fingers tongue whatever and then only actually penetrate her when she's almost already coming. [...] if you take control try to learn when he is about to come and just stop. [...] wiat for him to calm down a little and then start up again. or get him to do it if he has enough self control.

    If I understand the original poster correctly, she has tried many if not all of these things and her main obstacle is not specific sexual activities, it's that her partner stubbornly persists in doing the same things he always has, regardless of her explicitly stated desires.

    So I think that suggestions for specific sexual activities are a route the original poster has already been down before. I think what's needed here is to motivate the partner so that he wants his partner's pleasure, and is willing to actively exert himself in pursuit of it. If her partner doesn't care if he satisfies her or not, then no specific sexual activity is ever going to change the fact that he's lousy in bed.

    Having said that, I'd like to venture off topic for a second and welcome you to the forums, Kieron, I'm sure you'll fit right in. :)

    1251714462
    dotdashdot [sign in to see picture]
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    We often have a quicky and then try again. Still doesn't make him last much longer though.

    He isn't selfish in bed, I've never thought of him that way. He always wants me to cum and if I don't he gets disappointed but then sometimes I can't really be bothered to get him hard again and the mood kind of fizzles away.

    Bear in mind this is only sometimes, more often than not we will do it again and he will try to make me come. It's just weird that he still doesn't last that long no matter how many times we do it.

    1251714690
    Lubyanka [sign in to see picture]
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    dotdashdot wrote:

    If I say anything like that it tends to turn into an ego massage for my partner too! He is considerate though, it's not like he comes and then he'll turn over and go to sleep or anything. He apologises and usually wants to try things again later if I don't cum. [...] Ok gone completely off topic. I'm away for a week now so I won't be online. Thanks for your help everyone!!! xx

    In my opinion, ensuring my orgasm is the absolute least of my partner's obligations. I require my partners to have an interest in my pleasure in general, as I have an interest in theirs. In my book, pleasure includes but is not limited to orgasms. So I consider that your partner ignoring your wishes on the one hand but just making sure you get the bare minimum of an orgasm on the other isn't enough for me to rate him as a considerate lover.

    And this is hardly off topic for this forum. Because sex (mostly) by definition includes intimacy with others, our intimate relationships with others profoundly affect our sex lives, as indeed you have just been describing. So this is definitely on topic, in my opinion.

    Good luck, see you in a week. :)

    1251726109
    WandA [sign in to see picture]
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    Lubyanka wrote:

    In my opinion, ensuring my orgasm is the absolute least of my partner's obligations. I require my partners to have an interest in my pleasure in general, as I have an interest in theirs. In my book, pleasure includes but is not limited to orgasms. So I consider that your partner ignoring your wishes on the one hand but just making sure you get the bare minimum of an orgasm on the other isn't enough for me to rate him as a considerate lover.

    And this is hardly off topic for this forum. Because sex (mostly) by definition includes intimacy with others, our intimate relationships with others profoundly affect our sex lives, as indeed you have just been describing. So this is definitely on topic, in my opinion.

    Good luck, see you in a week. :)

    The difficulty lies in the man knowing when his partner is pleasured if theres little communication. It shouldn't but the come often acts as a milestone which is easy to measure for a fella.

    I know when my girlfriend was shyer it was quite hard to know when she had enough for her and was satisfied. I found it difficult to get my head around that my girl sometimes doesn't want to cum, even after a hot long steamy sessions!

    He could have all the interest in her pleasure in the world but if he doesn't know how to measure her satisfaction its worthless!

    1251728314
    Lubyanka [sign in to see picture]
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    WandA wrote:

    He could have all the interest in her pleasure in the world but if he doesn't know how to measure her satisfaction its worthless!

    You're absolutely right, if communication is limited, that is a separate issue, I quite agree.

    On the other hand, if she explicitly expresses her wishes and concerns to him and he turns it into being all about him, as she has told us:

    dotdashdot wrote:

    If I say anything like that it tends to turn into an ego massage for my partner too!

    then I think that at least opens up the question of whether he is genuinely interested in her pleasure over his ego, you know?

    1251728732
    Alicia D'amore [sign in to see picture]
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    WandA wrote:

    Lubyanka wrote:

    In my opinion, ensuring my orgasm is the absolute least of my partner's obligations. I require my partners to have an interest in my pleasure in general, as I have an interest in theirs. In my book, pleasure includes but is not limited to orgasms. So I consider that your partner ignoring your wishes on the one hand but just making sure you get the bare minimum of an orgasm on the other isn't enough for me to rate him as a considerate lover.

    And this is hardly off topic for this forum. Because sex (mostly) by definition includes intimacy with others, our intimate relationships with others profoundly affect our sex lives, as indeed you have just been describing. So this is definitely on topic, in my opinion.

    Good luck, see you in a week. :)

    The difficulty lies in the man knowing when his partner is pleasured if theres little communication. It shouldn't but the come often acts as a milestone which is easy to measure for a fella.

    I know when my girlfriend was shyer it was quite hard to know when she had enough for her and was satisfied. I found it difficult to get my head around that my girl sometimes doesn't want to cum, even after a hot long steamy sessions!

    He could have all the interest in her pleasure in the world but if he doesn't know how to measure her satisfaction its worthless!

    As a woman I found that difficult to get my head around not always wanting to come too! There seem to be all these expectations in society (although the LH forum is certainly an exception) that woman have a right to pleasure (which of course they do!) but the expectation seems to be that this pleasure takes the form of an orgasm! I found it hard to say: actually, I don't enjoy coming all that much most of the time, my muscles contract too tightly and it hurts so I get all the pleasure and satisfaction I need (and more!) from a shared passion and his orgasm! Luckily I have a fella who has learned to understand this and there is no pressure for me to come if I don't feel like it, equally I can ask him to help me if I need an orgasm!

    Also, if a guy doesn't last that long but puts every effort into ensuring your pleasure then I honestly don't think that's an issue as long as you are both happy enough with that situation...if you're not both happy then there are methods you can try to work on it as mentioned above! But as is constantly said on the forums, openness and honesty are the places to start!

    1251765105
    randomscreenname [sign in to see picture]
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    Lubyanka wrote:

    I think what's needed here is to motivate the partner so that he wants his partner's pleasure, and is willing to actively exert himself in pursuit of it. If her partner doesn't care if he satisfies her or not, then no specific sexual activity is ever going to change the fact that he's lousy in bed.

    Having said that, I'd like to venture off topic for a second and welcome you to the forums, Kieron, I'm sure you'll fit right in. :)

    Good advice. although i know the ship has kinda sailed now as our thread bearer (whatever you call someone resonsible for starting a thread) i guess it comes down to figuring out what you want. there's nothing wrong with it being about the sex (many people will beg to differ here im sure, and I do bow to superior experience - but my wife has taught me a great deal about putting yourself at the centre of your own universe in a positive way; along the same lines of logic as charity starts at home). If you're not happy then you're not happy. Can you fix it overall?

    the other thing that springs to mind, inspired by Lubyanka and previous comments, is to seriously consider the effort he is putting in. Its easy to defend him and say he tries hard.

    I'm only 26 yes. Ive only ever had two sexual partners, both long term. Ive never had the benefit of the experience of playing the field. instead i have learned to really get to know someone and their needs and wants and their body. I know what trying hard feels like. (Not to blow my own trumpet - this sounds awful but bear with me im trying to make a point.) Ive been in situations where shes been totally non responsive. Im not talking about not wanting sex, but where shes initiated it but through medicaton at the time, bad mood or whatever, shes been totally out of it. i've tried everything, absolutly everything (in these very rare times - one offs you understand, for the sake of example)

    If i played a little rough and she wasnt in the mood, she'd just get cold and silently angry. If i touched her too soon she just say 'no' sharply like i was trying to set fir to her. I wanted to give up and say well f*** it then. but i worked hard (and long) to break in, to find the one thing that she actually wanted but was not going to tell me and finally get her aroused. the rest is history.

    im not saying that we all should be prepared to do this (i dont actually know why I did this, if it happens again i will prob get pissed off) but my point is.... that is what working hard looks like.

    apologising after smacks of the easy way out to me, not trying hard. Please dont take offence i dont know the situation, all im saying is, when you say he is working hard, think... is he actually? could he do more? could he actually listen/have more enthusiasm/activly try to change?

    if so and he's just not so hot in bed then that sucks but at least he's devoted to you and thats gotta count for something- maybe give him time and experience. but bare in mind that even the most dunce among us cannot improve if using a skill often enough.

    jeez this is long, im sorry ( i write for hobby too; I cant help it) thanks to Lubyanka for kind welcome.

    Please feel free to put me in my place if i've over stepped the line (or talked crap) i just try and talk from experience. ;)

    1251765247
    randomscreenname [sign in to see picture]
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    ok first bit of that made no sense. no matter it was irrelevant...

    K

    1251791553
    Lubyanka [sign in to see picture]
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    emmilou wrote:

    I know where youre coming from. My hubby is the same. I can't come unless i'm on top, and he doesn't last if he's on top. we've tried longer sessions of foreplay etc. He complains that he doesnt last, but doesnt seem to want to do anything. And once he's orgasmed, that's him for hours before he can get an erection again. It's so frustrating, cos he knows i can only orgasm on top, and he's now got into the habit of rolling off me and telling me to get on top! it's started to ruin sex for me abit ......

    WandA wrote:

    You might just want to tell him not to emmi!

    If its not important for you to come during penetration all the time then let him know when your happy to keep doing whay your doing!

    emmilou wrote:

    Oh it's not important that i come during penetration, but it would be nice if i came with him on top once in a while!! Or even if he finished me of manually after he'd came would be nice.........

    If your husband isn't satisfying you and isn't doing anything about it, then he needs to know that that just isn't good enough.

    If you want to stay with him and he continues to be unresponsive, I would refuse to have sex with him at all unless and until he is prepared to include your pleasure and satisfaction in the equation. You could tell your husband that if he carries on refusing to satisfy you, then you can find somebody who will. Frankly it sounds like he's using you as a fuckdoll. I personally wouldn't have sex at all with anybody who treated me like an inanimate fuck object as if I needed no consideration or respect.

    In my experience, tolerating these things does nobody any favours, the inconsiderate person carries on being a lousy lover, and their partner continues to be unsatisfied. If he is unwilling to talk about it without making it an ego massage about him, then I personally wouldn't bother. I've had no success at all with changing the behaviour of such people. I hope you have better luck than I've had.

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