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  1. He doesn't last long enough...

    1251650925
    dotdashdot [sign in to see picture]
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    • Joined: 7 Jun 2009

    My boyfriend and I have been together and been having sex for ages. But this has always been a problem. He just doesn't last long enough. We do foreplay but it doesn't seem to make much difference.

    Sometimes I can orgasm really quickly from sex but I don't always like it to be so rushed. My biggest fantasy is him going ontop and having sex with me hard until I orgasm (it takes me a long time to come when he's ontop but it's so so good!) but this never seems to happen because he just doesn't last.

    He always doubts his performance and says he doesn't last long enough but I don't want to offend him so I say there's nothing wrong. How can I tell him how I feel without offending him? I don’t want to suggest anything drastic like Viagra or sex toys. I know that condoms might desensitise him a bit but they feel horrible and I’d rather not use them.

    It’s just that once he’s come inside me it completely turns me off because it all runs out of my vagina and I have to run to the loo to get tissues, it’s just such a mood killer. And I really hate having to rush to orgasm because I know the sex won’t last long. I find that I am orgasming less and less frequently. Help! xx

    1251651436
    Little Lady [sign in to see picture]
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    Well does he go really fast when having sex? My bf does this at times and doesn't last long, so I told him to not be so fast as it makes him cum too quick. He's learnt his lesson and goes slower now, taking his time. =)

    Also you say you don't like using condoms, yet having his cum inside you turns you off. I don't get why you don't use condoms or a femidom.

    I asked my bf why he likes to use condoms (most men don't do they?) and he said because it helps make him last longer.

    I would suggest condoms to be honest and for you both to take your time. If you don't have an orgasmn everytime, it doesn't hurt. Just work on getting him to last longer! =P

    Also, how long does he last for? If this is personal, then fair enough. ;)

    1251651724
    Lubyanka [sign in to see picture]
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    I think that he might be doubting his performance because indeed, as you have expressed, there are doubts about it. So I think that telling him everything is fine when it isn't is unlikely to help. If you want to tell him what you like, then he may try to do that. But telling him everything is fine when it isn't can only lead to him carrying on as he is, because he can't read your mind.

    Also, I think that telling him what you don't want is unlikely to help because all that will tell him is how he is failing. So I suggest sitting down alone with yourself and working out exactly what it is that you want him to do, and then having a talk with him about that.

    I suppose it comes down to what's more important to you. Is your fear of possibly offending him when he is failing to satisfy you more important to you than your lover satisfying you as you should be satisfied? I know which one I'd go for. :)

    1251651886
    dotdashdot [sign in to see picture]
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    He doesn't go that fast, I encourage him to slow down a bit but it makes no difference. He lasts quite a while sometimes when we do foreplay but when we have sex it lasts a few minutes.

    I don't mind not cumming every time, but I wish I could more. Aorry to be crude but I'd love for him to just nail me really hard for ages until I came. But as it is he goes slow and then stops when he feels he's going to come (usually just as I'm on the brink of orgasm so I lose it completely) and then as soon as he moves again he cums. It's so annoying!

    My boyfriend hates condoms and I do too, I know it seems like the easy solution to the cum problem but I can't stand them!

    I just don't know how to bring this issue up with him without offending him. I've suggested him trying to keep me on my toes and vary having sex with oral and fingering but he just doesn't do it!

    1251652050
    SEXYGET 69 [sign in to see picture]
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    Hiya Dotdashdot! You say you've been having sex for ages but I see on your profile you've only been together for 3 years. Sometimes it can take years of lovemaking, sex to get to be able to last for say even an hour. As they say practice makes perfect! I find the more you have the better you get at it (in my case anyway) plus a lot of younger guys can't last that long in general-no offence to any younguns out there!! There's loads of desensitising creams to try plus have a look at the big daddy cock ring as this may/can delay him for a while?

    Hope you find an answer DDD!

    SG69 x

    1251652337
    dotdashdot [sign in to see picture]
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    To me three years is quite a long time :) we're only 18! Which may be the cause of the problem, we're both young!

    I may check out the desensitising creams... I'm not so sure about a cockring. To be honest, I'm up for ANYTHING but I'm not sure how he'd feel about it xx

    1251652345
    WandA [sign in to see picture]
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    I know you mentioned how you would prefer him on top but I find it more difficult to cum if I'm not in control. You on top might be a better way to control how long he takes without a confrontation.

    Does he masturbate? Many men get a fair bit of practice in staying power by knowing their own bodies, just as many women learn to cum alone and then use it in the bedroom.

    Another option might be to make him cum before you have penetrative sex again. Its often more difficult to cum a second time... but obviously a limp penis won't be very useful so you'll have to turn him back on again.

    If you do talk to your man theres plenty of techniques he can learn from off the web. I find controliing my breath can make a huge difference.

    Hope you reach a satisfying conclusion!

    1251652507
    WandA [sign in to see picture]
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    dotdashdot wrote:

    To me three years is quite a long time :) we're only 18! Which may be the cause of the problem, we're both young!

    I may check out the desensitising creams... I'm not so sure about a cockring. To be honest, I'm up for ANYTHING but I'm not sure how he'd feel about it xx

    unless you use a condom I'd imagine they would desensitise you both...

    1251652636
    dotdashdot [sign in to see picture]
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    I usually go ontop because I find it's one of the only ways I can come quickly.

    No he doesn't masturbate.. so he says. I wouldn't mind if he did it's just he doesn't seem to do it.

    Do you mean foreplay, sex, more foreplay and then sex? That may be a good idea I'll try that! x

    1251652730
    dotdashdot [sign in to see picture]
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    That might be a problem with the cream... I'd feel bad for desensitsing him, it's not exactly fair. I want him to enjoy himself just last longer.

    1251653005
    WandA [sign in to see picture]
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    Foreplay, sex, foreplay, sex... If that would work then great!

    What I was suggesting was for him to cum once, then have sex. For men its often harder to cum more than once but if you can manage to pop him up after he's already came then it might have a bit longer left in it!

    Maybe its time for both of you to explore your own bodies. It makes it easier to control.

    1251653628
    dotdashdot [sign in to see picture]
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    That's what we do anyway. We do some foreplay, I make him cum. We play around a little bit more and then have sex. It doesn't seem to make much difference whether or not he's cum beforehand. I explore my own body, I don't know why he doesn't (or does but feels he has to lie about it)

    1251654729
    m3nf [sign in to see picture]
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    Hay there, i guess i also like your other half a little, well sometimes. I found a cock ring helps loads, but maybe get him in the toy side of things and get him to masterbate first during your fore play then go back for seconds :) and then penetrate as he should last alot longer.

    1251655492
    Lubyanka [sign in to see picture]
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    dotdashdot wrote:

    To be honest, I'm up for ANYTHING but I'm not sure how he'd feel about it xx

    Well, if you're up for anything but you've already said you're unwilling to try condoms or talking to him about it, then I'm not sure what other options you have left, you know?

    1251655601
    Alicia D'amore [sign in to see picture]
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    Hey,

    How about suggesting some mutual masterbation? Then encourage him to do it alone too, as WandA says, it's easier for a person to control themselves once they know their bodies by themselves, then they can put it into practise in the relationship.

    Also, you say you don't want him to know YOU have a problem, but how about responding to him saying he doesn't last long enough with suggestions from here, followed by a reassuring "you know it's always fab for me sweetie but if you would feel better with more control then I'll help you work on it"....win win then!

    Good luck!

    1251670126
    WandA [sign in to see picture]
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    You might just want to tell him not to emmi!

    If its not important for you to come during penetration all the time then let him know when your happy to keep doing whay your doing!

    1251670511
    LadyJade [sign in to see picture]
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    My bf doesnt cum but he has a weak chest so we dont go for that long. Sometimes I wish he would cum id be less sore most of the time.

    1251670952
    WandA [sign in to see picture]
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    LadyJade wrote:

    My bf doesnt cum but he has a weak chest so we dont go for that long. Sometimes I wish he would cum id be less sore most of the time.

    Vary things! You shouldn't be getting sore. Maybe have breaks and use your hands and mouth, get some toys involved!

    Be inventive!

    1251671045
    Lubyanka [sign in to see picture]
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    I don't know if this will help or not, but I've given up even trying with inconsiderate lovers. I just find that my efforts never yield me the results I want.

    I find that if a person is inconsiderate during sexual intimacy, then they usually turn out to be inconsiderate for other things too.

    I further find that every time I try to talk to them about it, the conversation usually turns into some kind of ego massage for my partner who is the one being inconsiderate in the first place! Because I can't make them a considerate lover, and I can't enjoy them being an inconsiderate lover, they also often blame me for disliking their inconsiderateness instead of accepting responsibility for it and doing something about it..

    So the only thing that happens in my experience is that they get to keep being self-absorbed lovers, and I get to leave them in favour of somebody else who is interested in my pleasure.

    In my experience, if your partner's ego is so fragile that you can't talk to him, I think that you're going to have to end up either unsatisfied or trying again with somebody else.

    I hope your experience in this area turns out to be better than mine has been.

    1251674334
    Salvadore [sign in to see picture]
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    I used to have this problem, lasted longer the older I got. condoms did not work because you felt less.. so you had to thrust harder to feel anything, which ultimately meant I came just as quick.. when I was drunk I used to be able to last forever.. also think it is differnet with different partners. some girls manage to grip me inside.. and that was that. only solution is to stop, do something else on you for a bit until he calms down and then start again... you need to tell him... and figure out a solution.. men are selfish buggers if left untrained. lol

    dotdashdot wrote:

    My boyfriend and I have been together and been having sex for ages. But this has always been a problem. He just doesn't last long enough. We do foreplay but it doesn't seem to make much difference.

    Sometimes I can orgasm really quickly from sex but I don't always like it to be so rushed. My biggest fantasy is him going ontop and having sex with me hard until I orgasm (it takes me a long time to come when he's ontop but it's so so good!) but this never seems to happen because he just doesn't last.

    He always doubts his performance and says he doesn't last long enough but I don't want to offend him so I say there's nothing wrong. How can I tell him how I feel without offending him? I don’t want to suggest anything drastic like Viagra or sex toys. I know that condoms might desensitise him a bit but they feel horrible and I’d rather not use them.

    It’s just that once he’s come inside me it completely turns me off because it all runs out of my vagina and I have to run to the loo to get tissues, it’s just such a mood killer. And I really hate having to rush to orgasm because I know the sex won’t last long. I find that I am orgasming less and less frequently. Help! xx

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