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  1. domming advice needed.

    I'll try it once [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Captain
    • Posts: 26
    • Joined: 1 Jan 2012

    Been on here a while but mainly as a reader. I need some advice.

    Met a mew woman whos onto being dominated, spanked, whipped, rough sex and called names. O love the idea of this but it is new to me. I'm more used to slow loving sex.

    Any advice on what to do with her when we have our first session. I want it to be her way as the idea rwallt turns me on.

    Thanks in advaance.

    pinkanimal [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 1331
    • Joined: 5 Feb 2012

    Try doing some research on here and on the internet. Lots of dominance threads on here.

    Scorpius12 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 6574
    • Joined: 18 Dec 2007

    Hi there, as pink said, if you do some internet searching you will find tons of info. on this. It would be very difficult to give you specific advice, as everyone is so different, and you have to find what works for you by just trying different things out and working out what you feel comfortable with. Also, you need to communicate to her that you are new to this, and let her guide you until you feel more confident to take over completely.

    I have also posted you a link from LH, with various bondage guides that you may find useful. Just remember to always play safely :) x


    Ray-Belle [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Captain
    • Posts: 24
    • Joined: 26 Aug 2014

    Being new to BDSM can be really fun but quite intimidating.

    One mistake I see people making is jumping straight in with no understanding of what it really is about, what the other person is looking for and what ends up happening is they get overwhelmed :/

    Start out with reading up on some activities online, see what interests you and communicate with this new girl to see what she might be interested in trying! Start slow and pace yourself, if you like it then you have the rest of you life to explore!

    Remember while you might be the one running the scene, she has the power to say no to anything at anytime! Respect safe words. BDSM is built on communication and trust!

    Personally I think a good way to start out is OTK ( over the knee ) Bare Handed Spanking, Maybe a leather paddle, restraints are fun IMO, a good "power" position is doggy using your hand between her shoulder blades to push her down or pulling her hair to keep her pulled back against you. Or even standing behind her with one arm holding her close to you and the other hand playing with her.

    If she is into power exchange simple things like asking her questions while you please her and rewarding her for good answers or pausing her pleasure for bad answers is a fun way to start out.

    Again this all depends on what she ( and you as well ) are into... Talk it over! Be Safe, Sane and Consensual and I'm sure you'll have a blast :3

    Baelish [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major
    • Posts: 13
    • Joined: 10 Nov 2007

    As others have said, there's tons of advice on the internet. Knowledge is power, so research as much as you can and learn as much as you can. It will definitely help.

    Communication is key in BDSM; BDSM is built on being safe, sane and consensual, so one of the first things you need to do is agree on a safeword. Safewords are usually non-obvious words; popular ones are red/yellow/green (stop/slow down or need to talk/everything's fine). You need to find what works for you though. Talk to her about what she'd like to start off with and get her to be more specific - does she like being restrained? Blindfolded? There are lots of questions to ask.

    Since you're new it's best to start slow (and make sure she knows you're new and therefore you'll be taking it slow). It's tempting to just jump right in at the deep end and try everything straight away, or be overly ambitious, and while that's completely understandable, it's not a good idea. You don't want to accidentally hurt her! The more you do the more experience you'll gain.

    Knowledge and communication are the most important things.

    Good luck! BDSM is an amazing journey

    Cowboy81 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 452
    • Joined: 21 Nov 2013

    Research will open up your mind to the possabiliites and, as Scrop said, it really is unique to the relationship but if I had to give a few ideas to get things moving as it were:

    1. remember that asking questions and learning is not to "get to the domming" but a part of growing in intimate knowledge. Don't get frustrated at the fact it is unique, slow, or personal... enjoy that fact.

    2. In a controlling fashion, demand she tell you what she wants. This will help you learn her wants/needs. (One of my favorites is asking her "what are you" - this lets me into her mind/mood: i.e. princess, mistress, whore, etc.)

    3. Think about what you want and make scense based on your own desires - that level of control is part of what she (most likely) wants

    4. Don't forget safewords and discuss bounaries prior to any play so you know where you are and are not going.

    Just a few thoughts.

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