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  1. Can you be friends with your ex?

    1304534265
    Pixie_Murree [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
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    • Joined: 3 Feb 2011

    One I am but it didn't last too long and my current BF is really good mates with him but the others are a no

    1304537583
    easy_tiger [sign in to see picture]
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    • Joined: 24 Jan 2010

    No

    1304540336
    TheKittyKat [sign in to see picture]
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    • Joined: 7 Mar 2011

    I think you can, but it depends on the ex. There are those with whom I was more friends than boyfriend/girlfriend, and they (mostly) continue to be friends. On the other hand, though, there are exs for whom friendship was secondary or who can't accept that I'm with someone else - it's those exs who are best resigned to history.

    1304540439
    niftyb [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Colonel
    • Posts: 143
    • Joined: 29 Dec 2010

    My opinion.. No.
    Hewn I broke up with my first boyfriend he took it REALLY badly and hassled me for quite a while afterwards.. As much as I tried to end things amicably he wasn't going to let me. He seemed determined to leave things on a bad note...
    That was a few years ago... A couple of months back he actually got in touch to say that he'd broken up with his girlfriend from uni and only now realised how much grief he put me though and wanted to say he was sorry. So.. That was nice, but we're still not "friends" as such.. There's still a but of an uncomfortable atmosphere, you know??

    1304543950
    sexy little minx [sign in to see picture]
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    Can't remember if I've commented on this thread before.

    I always thought no but I'm still friends with my recent ex. Was really hard at first but getting easier now. We are still good friends and are still there for each other if we need it (not in a sexual way though). We didn't finish in a nasty way which is why I think we are still friends. Will always have that special piece in each others hearts but was just one of those things that happens.

    Like today he knew my nephew was going in for surgery so he sent me a message saying he hoped all would go well and he'd get his mum to say a prayer for my nephew (she's very religious) Which I though was really nice.

    1304545732
    Cuddly Hubby [sign in to see picture]
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    • Joined: 27 Jan 2009

    I'd suggest yes, because I still am good friends with two ladies that I dated for a couple of months each more than two decades ago, but my answer may not count because I didn't have sex with either of them. Does that change everything?

    Even without that added dimension, though, I understand that it's difficult to make the shift from ex-boyfriend/girlfriend to platonic friend. I think it was possible in my case because we genuinely valued and trusted each other as friends, and it made sense to us both to try to retain that positive and beneficial aspect of our relationship even though it was clear that ongoing romance wasn't on the cards.

    Obviously, it's not going to work if either person still harbours a belief that romantic attachment is still a possibility -- or indeed if one even has a suspicion that the other still believes this. With different people, I fell into the trap of saying "Let's just be friends" as code for "Let's hang around together for a bit longer -- you might change your mind", but I learnt the hard way that this is just a hellish, hopeless state of limbo.

    So, I'd say "yes, with important qualifications", but I realise that the lack of the sex factor in my case might be a critical factor.

    1314168271
    SEXYGET 69 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 1796
    • Joined: 1 Dec 2008

    Get the fuck no way!
    Fucking lying thieving lousy scumbag. . .are words too good to describe my ex. When even your kids say it you know its bad! SG

    1314168681

    [suspended user]

    suspended user
    • Rank: Field Marshall
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    • Joined: 30 Oct 2008

    At adistance maybe a long distance ,to be nice in front of the offspring you had together .other then that no no no

    1314176725
    Lovehoney - Gemma [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major General
    • Posts: 325
    • Joined: 13 Jun 2011

    I'm trying, but since one of us still wants to be together it isn't easy... and just plain awkward!

    1314181037
    Big Dickie [sign in to see picture]
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    • Joined: 26 Jul 2011

    No ive been there and tried it dont go there!

    1314185930
    rach74 [sign in to see picture]
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    • Joined: 3 Dec 2010

    no been there also and it doesnt work, just ended up having sex and then getting hurt again

    1314187682
    Big Dickie [sign in to see picture]
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    rach74 is correct exactly ive been there x

    1314193701
    rose hip [sign in to see picture]
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    I've remained friends with more than half of my ex's. It's been fine. And I'm genuinely happy for them when they find the right person, even if I am disappointed that it wasn't me.

    Why throw it all away just because part of it didn't work? Sometimes it's worth getting through the hurt to keep what's good.

    1314196564
    SweetSubmission [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major General
    • Posts: 439
    • Joined: 7 Sep 2009

    No hard and fast rule will work here... sometimes it's possible, and right, and healthy, sometimes it's a terrible idea, sometimes just impossible. I think it helps if you were friends first - if you've only ever known each other as lovers, it's even harder to redraw the model for the relationship.

    SS xx

    1314198861
    MrsJade [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major
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    • Joined: 8 Jun 2007

    Each relationship is different.

    My best friend is someone I dated for 2 years (didn't work out as we were looking for different things), we didn't 'do' the fuckbuddy thing when we split up and neither of us have any desire to see each other like that again, now we're basically family.

    However he hasn't had a serious relationship since we've split up, lots of dates & a few one night stands, so I couldn't tell you if our friendship would last if he found a jealous woman (luckily my husband understands 'us', although it weirded him out at first).

    But then I've tried the 'let's be friends' approach with other people, who are fine with it until I started seeing someone else!

    1314199394
    rach74 [sign in to see picture]
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    rose hip wrote:

    I've remained friends with more than half of my ex's. It's been fine. And I'm genuinely happy for them when they find the right person, even if I am disappointed that it wasn't me.

    Why throw it all away just because part of it didn't work? Sometimes it's worth getting through the hurt to keep what's good.

    depends on what you call ex's, ive only had 2 serious relationships, one was for 10 years and one was for 2 years, in between these relationships i had boyfriends and some im friends with as only went out for couple of weeks so dont really call these relationships, but the one i shared 10 years of my life with i could never be friends with him, im friends with all his family and see them at special occasions but no the EX

    1314200995
    RebeccaT [sign in to see picture]
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    One of my exes I hate and wouldn't wee on him if he was on fire. Another I don't see often anyway but when we do it's fine. Another is one of my best friends and always will be.

    1314201484
    Despina Rose [sign in to see picture]
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    It really does depend on the relationship, situation and whether it was mutual.

    Some I have stayed friends with, some I haven't.

    1314201815
    Cuddly Hubby [sign in to see picture]
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    From reading these replies, it sounds as if having sex is generally the point of no return for the prospect of any future friendship. To many people here, that's probably obvious, but I'm still learning about this as I haven't had to face this situation myself.

    It might seem odd that, in my posting on the previous page, I describe as "exes" two ladies with whom I didn't have sex. I think it's valid, though. In each case, we were seeing each other exclusively while we were dating for months, and we definitely held a flame for each other even though this didn't progress beyond kissing and cuddling (it sounds like a teenage phase, but I was actually in my early twenties -- just a bit slow!).

    Today, in each case, my "exes" and I both recognise that there is a tiny remnant of these flames in our ongoing friendships (e.g. those "telepathy moments"), although these don't get in the way of our relationships with our long-term partners. Indeed, my wife has spotted these kinds of interactions and finds them cute. Then again, we all get on very well together, and that's great. If that hadn't been so, then obviously I would have ditched the friendships -- albeit with sadness.

    I'd still like to imagine that things could still have worked out even if sex had been involved, but most of the other replies in this thread lead me to believe otherwise. I think that's a shame, but it's human.

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    pinksex [sign in to see picture]
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    I don't think so. I don't speak to any of my exes. I think it would be weird to and I think it would be impossible to have just a friendship without one or both partners having some kind of romantic feelings toward the other, ie - one not being over the other, old feelings surfacing etc.

    My first boyfriend was a guy I was friends with for ages, then we started dating. We broke up a few months later and have never spoken since. Its sad really but it happens!

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