1. Shame about fetishes

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    mnms [sign in to see picture]
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    Yeah that's what I think, I don't believe in avoiding problems. But I agree that not forcing conversations about it is probably for the best, I should let him approach me about it perhaps?

    He has shown me almost all the porn sites he visits and the majority of things that he is into. I've watched the videos with him and alone and I'm completely comfortable with it. Hopefully my attitude towards it can eventually help him to not hate himself over it so much.

    1407447277
    bmac [sign in to see picture]
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    This is an unfortunate side effect of the way society pigeon holes us all into certain places, and most men are raised or indoctrinated to be macho, not cry, be dominant etc etc. It's just years of conditioning that's making him feel like this.

    Sounds like you're doing a great job already, and it's only time that will lessen these feelings, even if it's a lot of it! A lot of us with 'fetishes' think we're abnormal because we know what turns us on but have no idea what goes on in other peoples bedrooms.

    Although this sounds counter intuitive to wanting to keep it secret, maybe you guys could browse a few forums anonymously together. There's a huge community of fetishists out there and if he starts to realise it's not that uncommon some of the self loathing might disappear. Day to day on twitter loads of random kinky stuff pops up in one feed or another so it'll be easy to show him how common it is.

    Maybe you could work from there up to going to some kind of club, torture garden or something like that. You could wear masks to stay anonymous but being in the presence of others who are like minded might boost his confidence.

    1538861588
    Knight1119 [sign in to see picture]
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    Mnms I hope you’re both ok, & he can feel better about his fetish. I’ve always struggled with my fetishes.

    1538862360
    SlimeCoveredCow [sign in to see picture]
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    I remember reading a paper a while back by a psychologist about fetishes. From my understanding of the paper (and I could be completely wrong about this) is most fetishes get imprinted at a young age subconciously, and it's a lot more aparent in men.

    I think all you can really do is be as understanding as possible. (Which it seems like you're doing a great job of) but if he does tell you another fetish in future, it's really important to be open and talk about it.

    A lot of people kinkshame and this causes a lot of problems, and then people close up. I had the same guilt when I found out I was into things being a bit wet (see WAM fetish). I don't know why I like it, I just.. do?

    I do still get moments of guilt but I guess it's a normal part of the human condition. The same thing happened again when I started experimenting with anal play.

    You're doing everything right so far, wait for him to open up - he will clam up if you try and force it.

    Dressing up in female clothing is relatively tame, and he has nothing to be ashamed of. Besides, they're comfortable! I don't understand why we have jeans that feel like seatbelts 95% of the time when the material used in a lot of women's clothes is brilliant!

    Anyway, enough rambling from me - all the best!

    1538867290
    Raider Nation [sign in to see picture]
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    Could you show him this thread, or this forum in general to let him know there are a lot of people out there with kinks and there is certainly nothing wrong with his. He should let that freak flag fly high and so his thing. He's very lucky to have an understanding OH as well. Good for you guys:)

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    Suspender man [sign in to see picture]
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    Very interesting thread i have a very strong desire to cross dress but have decided to keep this fetish to myself I look at it as my naughty secret I have a 20 year old son I would hate him to find out I wouldn’t want him to have to worry/think or perhaps be ashamed I would never risk my relationship with him for my fetish. So for me at this time it will stay as my naughty secret.

    1538904610
    Boomplus [sign in to see picture]
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    Talking about things can make them quite embarrassing for some people. If he likes it and so do you then maybe if you initiate it he may feel less like he is pressuring you into it. It may also be in his head that you are doing it just to satisfy him but if you show him that’s not the case he might pick up confidence that it’s a two way thing and be able to explore more with you.

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