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  1. Vanilla


    [suspended user]

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    My OH is very vanillary to say the least. It isnt the fact that he doesnt like it it is more that he doesnt like trying anything new. He doesnt with anything, even if it is nothing to do with sex.

    We have few kinker bits and bobs such as these -




    The only problem is that he will only try things once! We have only used the above products once or twice at the most and he wants to go back to normal. It is very fustrating as i just keep feeling like i am taking one step foward and two back.

    Any suggestions?


    Foxxy [sign in to see picture]
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    Talk to him. Explain that you'll never ask him to do anything that he's uncomfortable with, but that you would really like to explore other things slowly. Maybe sit and look at lovehoney together, see if anything catches his eye too. It can be overwhelming to someone not used to using toys and props in the bedroom, maybe explain to him that he satisfies you very well (incase his disinterest is because he's insecure and thinks he doesn't satisfy you enough) but that you'd just like to see if pleasures can be heightened for both of you. Talking really is the first step, pushing this issue in any other way may lead to him backing off from it more

    PetiteJess [sign in to see picture]
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    Have you spoken to him about it? I would lay the cards on the table with how you feel.

    Some people don't like experimenting much and prefer vanilla sex, which is perfectly fine but if you want to add more kink then you should let him know how you feel.

    How about mix it up a little, so some nights have vanilla sex, other nights kinky sex and try to find an even balance for you both?

    MrsMcX [sign in to see picture]
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    I agree with others, you need to talk to him. When I buy things from Lovehoney I always speak with my husband first and make sure he's okay with the things that I'm getting. He's never bothered, but it's just nice to keep him in the loop rather that spring things on him.

    At the moment it sounds like you're buying all these things for you and not taking into consideration what he wants. Maybe he just doesn't want to involve toys in the bedroom, you need to talk to him and find out and come up with a compromise.

    I've seen plenty of times on this forum that women buy things and their partners aren't interested, but sometimes its just because he feels intimidated, or feels like what he's giving is not enough for the woman and doesn't understand why they want to involve all these other things.

    You need to discuss this with him and find out the reason he doesn't want to try things out more.


    [suspended user]

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    I have tried talking to him a few times at fist he was anxious because he thought it was painfull and i explained to him its not blah blah blah

    I have tried to get him to look at LH with me before but he doesnt seem interested.

    I got this http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=30096 as a tester item yesturday i am hoping it will break the ice a little because he has only used cock rings before but no other male toys.

    It is noce having vanilla sex, hes the romantic soppy sort of guy which i really like but i would like to try new things too x

    MattB [sign in to see picture]
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    If he tries things once or twice then he is clearly OK with experimenting and using such toys, he just presumably prefers vanilla sex.

    To me it seems pretty simple - you both have a 'style' of sex that you like and don't mind the other's preferred style of sex, so I think that you need to work out a compromise with him that you get to do it your way some of the time and his some of the time!

    Good luck.

    MrsMcX [sign in to see picture]
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    Surely if you've tried to look at lovehoney before and he doesn't seem interested that should tell you something? Pushing more toys on him is going to make him back off more, you need to talk to him properly and ask him why he's not interested.

    rose hip [sign in to see picture]
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    It might help to keep vanilla v kink and trying new things separate. Bondage isn't just adding toys, it's getting into a different mind-set.

    Is there something he likes doing that's a bit uncomfortable awkward to manage? Maybe something that a position strap would help with? Then the strap would be something new, but used to help with something he was familar with. You might have better luck with that than trying to introduce something like light light bondage which is new all around.

    Another example along those lines would be Lelo's Ella, a slimline non-phallic non-vibrating g-spot stimulator which is essentially a longer, thinner, more ergonomic finger. If he likes fingering your g-spot, he might appreciate something which makes it easier. Or maybe not, some partners like it hands on.


    But maybe think along those lines. Is there anything which could be used to augment the things he likes to do?

    Young and fun95 [sign in to see picture]
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    There's only so much you can do, you can't force him if he's not comfortable. I'm in the same position, I love nasty sex, but the OH doesn't, there are things he flat out refuses to do, like choke me, so I stopped asking but through slow and gentle experimentation we learned that he loves gentle bondage.

    Everyone has limits. You should never try and push anyone past theirs. Be gentle, when he shows an interest embrace it, anything the OH suggests is put into action which is encouraging him to explore his own sexual wants. If he doesn't like something don't keep asking, you have to compromise.

    im currently working on anal with my OH I ask maybe once a month, I do the bit he enjoys and try and go a little further, if he says stop then I stop, if he doesn't I go a little further.

    at the end of the day everyone is different, you'll never find anyone who wants the exact same as you, something's will stay fantasies forever. Ask him what he wants and go with it, gentle encouragement.

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