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  1. Is it wrong..?

    Red Lightning [sign in to see picture]
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    Ok. So I just want to start out by saying I'm only 20 and so this thread will become clearer as you read on.

    I broke up with who I thought was the most amazing girl in the world. I thought about her from the moment I woke up to the moment I went to bed. She was funny, beautiful and we shared so many interests. It was like we were made for each other. Then she wanted to end it and she did so in a harsh way without realising it.

    I felt so depressed and was even contemplating some seriously stupid things. Months later I decided to get back out there. Not looking for a relationship, I just wanted to find someone for some 'no strings attached' fun to be friends with benefits.

    Well I've found someone who I think is gorgeous and a great laugh to be around. We text each other a lot and meet up when we can, however (and this is where it gets complicated) she has a 13 year old daughter. Yes her daughter is only 7 years younger than I, making her twice as old as me.

    Is it wrong that I'm sleeping with someone who's 21 years older than myself? And is it worse that I think I'm falling in love with her after only knowing her for a few weeks?


    [suspended user]

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    I don't see why it's wrong, we can't pick who we have feelings for. :)

    Falcon218 [sign in to see picture]
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    Age has no bounds!

    My best mate is 18 years older than me (im 27, he's 45), and we get on like a house on fire. Wouldn't swap him for anyone! There's no reason it should be any different between a man and a woman in a relationship.

    Age is just a number after all!

    (need more age related anecdotes...)

    Monkeysnacks [sign in to see picture]
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    You are both legal, consenting adults so no, it isn't wrong. All that matters is how you feel about each other. Are you the type to fall in love very easily though? I would say to take your time with this and see how your feelings develop. Unless she's moving to Australia in a couple of days then there is no rush so you can go at a pace that's comfortable for both of you.

    The fact she has a daughter may be something of a challenge, not necessarily because of the relatively small age difference between you, but just because she is hitting puberty age and all hell breaks loose around then.

    It may not be the most conventional of set-ups but there is certainly nothing wrong about it. :)

    Dota [sign in to see picture]
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    There is nothing wrong in doing whatever feels right for you.
    My mum's 50 my mums partner is 35. It was a bit strange at the beginning, but now i cant imagine anyone else she could be with. :)

    Red Lightning [sign in to see picture]
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    But it's the fact that we originally met up just for sex. I'm not even sure about her feelings for me. All I know is that she's invited me round her place 2 more times this week.

    FrozenAngel [sign in to see picture]
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    I don't think it's wrong at all.

    OK so I'm not going to say everything will be honky dorey, because people will have opinions and people will judge.

    What I will say is that you need to make sure it is right for you, and accept it. Age is a number, Myself personally, I see nothing wrong with it at all. But if you're questioning it now then when people do have a problem with it and speak up about it (Sometimes quite judgementally) it's going to really bother you.

    Once you accept it though that won't matter at all and it'll be something you can just shrug off.

    I don't mean that to sound rude or harsh in any way! I was with someone who was 10 yrs old than I was. And the comments really took a hold of me.

    I wish you all the luck in your new realtionship.

    Dota [sign in to see picture]
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    Talk to her! If she feels same way - great, if not - take the step back and see what happens.


    [suspended user]

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    100% agree with you Dota!

    Red Lightning [sign in to see picture]
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    Wow. Thanks for the really positive response. Wasn't really expecting it to be that positive. And thanks Dota. I'll talk to her sometime. I just hope she has similar feelings too.

    Eager-2-Please [sign in to see picture]
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    Nothing wrong in the slightest.

    It started out as a bit of fun and you wanting to enjoy yourself with someone and you found that - great. Now your feelings are developing to new levels and she seems interested in continuing the relationship, too - also great.

    Just go with it and keep enjoying yourself, I say. Bring up your feelings with her by telling her how much you enjoy spending time with her, not just for sex, but that you're starting to feel a connection emotionally, too. She how she reacts to this and try to gauge where her feelings are at.

    I hope things work out. It sounds like you could have a second shot at something special.

    Do not worry about the age difference. At all. If it doesn't bother you or her then it's a non-issue, so treat it as such. Good luck!

    butterflybee [sign in to see picture]
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    I don't think that it's wrong at all, you can't help who you fall for.

    MattB [sign in to see picture]
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    Dota's got it - the age doesn't matter if YOU don't mind; what's important is to see if she really feels the same as you do.

    Find out soon - you don't want to be with someone for ages, developing stronger and stronger feelings only to find out that she doesn't want the same as you.

    Red Lightning [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanks everyone. I love this community. You're all awesome. I'm just slightly concerned still. It's different reading about it online than seeing it in the street. And I can't help but think it'll be difficult for her. I've met a couple of her friends and we joked around a bit about the age gap but I think she's a little conscious about it. After all, she's only a few years younger than my mother... I'll talk to her about it tonight.

    Thanks everyone for your positive response. It's made me feel much happier knowing that not everyone will judge us if we actually get together :)

    pinkanimal [sign in to see picture]
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    age is just a number

    JuicyJ89 [sign in to see picture]
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    ohhh no nothing wrong with that at all, my mum and dad have a 15 year age gap. Age is defnintely just a number, you can't help who you fall in love with x

    geebee [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi there, my man is 13yrs older than me, it doesn't bother us at all. Most friends now know and don't comment, but we have been out and I was mistaken for his 13yr old daughter. We all just laughed it off. The following day I was told my daughter was beautiful (again my partners 13yr old). So in one weekend I was mistaken as his daughter and his daughters mum.
    At first we got a few looks but most of our friends were there when we met and they don't bat an eyelid, actually they comment more on the fact between us we have 7 kids, so that always takes the edge of the age gap. I'm 30 and he is 43.


    Dota [sign in to see picture]
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    I met my OH when he was 20 and i was 26 but he looked a lot younger. Everyone thought that it is their obligation to ask if he's at least 18. I heard a lot about this "little boy". It wasn't pleasant to hear all those things and have the looks, but at the end it's my life and i am in relationship with him, so why should anybody care and tell me what to do. It's my decision.
    So don't listen anyone, if you feel, what you're doing, is right for you. It's not their relationship. It's yours. Enjoy!! :)


    [suspended user]

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    Yep everyone is right age is just a number as Longs as your both consenting adults it's no one else business

    Myself an oh have a gap of almost fours I know it's not a huge difference but when we first got together I was only 16 an he was going to be 20 that year

    Young and fun95 [sign in to see picture]
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    No, you're both adults and not in committed relationships, you're not hurting anyone, you may find if you do decide to become official and actually have a relationship with her, when you tell family and friends they may not all be accepting.

    im a 19 yo girl dating a 41 yo man, I love him with all my heart, we're planning marriage children, already live together, just returned from our first holiday, and will celebrate our 1st anniversary this September. My aunts and uncles all accepted it, as did my step mum, my dad and step dad both refuse to ever meet him and have therefore damaged my relationship with them, my mum is slowly coming round and says hi but has still never had a proper conversation. My best friend very nastily made the point that he'll reach old age 20 years before me, shouting and laughing "he's gonna die"- we're no longer friends.

    his family and friends on the other hand have all been completely happy for us!

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