nervous in the bedroom??

Im a really nervous person and i never start sex or never instigate oral,i feel too nervous and silly to start it or go down on a guy without him telling me too,im single now but will this feeling go? it didnt with my ex,i was still nervous 4 months in the relationship but if he asked me to go down on him i would but i havent got the confidence to just do it and i want that

The only thing you need to do I would say is just take your time...I used to be really nervous when it came to the bedroom in the beginning but confidence grows with time and learning what you like and what you don't.

When you feel totally comfortable and at ease with a partner then you may instigate oral sex etc, this doesn't always happen straight away.

Get to know the person, explain that you are nervous and they in turn can help your confidence by talking and offering gentle encouragement without being too pushy.

I think it is more than normal for people to feel nervous around new partners, try using candles and your favourite music to help soften the surroundings and create an atmosphere to further put you at ease xx

thankyou :) i just wish sometimes i could be this confident person all the time but i guess thats not who i am xx

You can be anything you want to if you just believe in yourself....from your picture you look absolutely stunning, truly....

If it helps and if you drink have a glass of wine to help you relax, not that I would suggest that all the time...

Once you are comfortable with someone try a cosy intimate bath or shower, no sex just touching, talking, winding down, soft candle light again and chill out tunes...

I used to be too nervous to ask for oral sex. Back when I was younger and with a partner who never did it.

In all honesty, I think the best way to attempt to get over fears and nerves, is to bite the bullet and do it. Unfortunately I don't know of any other way to go from "too scared to do it" to "Doing it" other than "do it" (if that makes sense). With fears or shyness, we often talk ourselves out of things by imagining all the possible things that could go wrong; we could look stupid, someone might laugh, someone might think less of us etc. Notice most of the fears are about what other people might think of us?

I guess you need to imagine your worst fears about the situation. What is the WORST than could happen and then get to a point where you imagine the worst, but it doesn't bother you so much anymore. Someone laughs at you? So what? If they laugh at you, then what...and then what...and then what..Follow that trail until you work out exactly what it is you are really afraid of and challenge that. It is important to us to not come across in ways that make us feel small or silly, but we are human and we all end up doing things like that at some point and the truth is this....if people care and judge you - are they worth it anyway? The people worth it are the ones who love you all the more for your quirks and unique ways about you.

I have a feeling that 100% of men who enjoy blowjobs would be turned on and pleased that you want to do that...for him! Its an ego boost for him and you are giving pleasure. How can offering your lover pleasure be seen as anything other than amazing. If you meet a guy who does not like oral, if anything he will just feel a bit awkward about himself and will feel embarrassed maybe, explaining he does not like it. At no point do you look silly or anything else, other than considerate and wanting to please.

Yeah it is just about challenging your own thoughts and eventually biting the bullet. Keep saying to yourself "I WANT TO DO THIS" and I am not going to keep letting those worrying thoughts get in the way.

Have you tried practising it out loud to yourself? Yep, you will feel so silly and embarrassed at first. Keep doing it until you can say it without any embarrasment. This might help give you confidence too.

Good luck! xx

I used to be nervous, it took me nearly 3 years to instigate anything at all as I always felt so silly! Then I realised my OH loves me for who I am and it totally turns him on with me taking control. I am now this horny being that he didn't know existed and he is loving it.
Confidence comes with time and sometimes (not always) trust. You will get there in the end :) Just remind yourself that most men LOVE the woman to take control, you will be fine xx

I use to get nervous also, for me it was because I had low confidence in myself and was afraid of rejection. When my confidence built up I became less worried and more comfortable in instigating oral and sex.

The best way I built up my confidence was by getting to know myself mentally and sexually until realizing that it is my flaws that make me unique and what makes everyone else unique.

Sofia Loran once said “sex appeal is 50% of that you’ve got and 50% of what people think you have got” I really believe in this saying.

I think you will be fine :) just start to believe in yourself and I think you will be pleasantly surprised.

Well done hun for admitting it, I have the same problem not so much with oral but the sex thing its more of my own body issues your reallybrave talking about it and I hope theses lovely lot can share some tip on how to relax n go for it :) best of luck xx

I wonder if roleplay would help?

If you're both playing a character then nerves might not come into it so much. It would be worth a go, and it might help you overcome your anxiety about taking the lead in the bedroom.

At the end of the day though, different people enjoy different things, so it's perfectly normal to not feel confident being the dominant one during sex.

JayBee_x wrote:

Im a really nervous person and i never start sex or never instigate oral,i feel too nervous and silly to start it or go down on a guy without him telling me too,im single now but will this feeling go? it didnt with my ex,i was still nervous 4 months in the relationship but if he asked me to go down on him i would but i havent got the confidence to just do it and i want that

Hi JB, please don't worry this is very normal. I don't like pigeon holeing or labelling people but I think you are probably about where most women are naturally confidence wise. We are very luck on this forum to have a lot of ladies through experience have been able to move on .

I as a man would find this endearing and not something to put me of. We don't all want a porn star who jumps on you and ties you up gives you a blow job.(nice occasionally)

Sex is about finding what each other likes and dislikes its the journey together. Not well I expect my partner to do this and that.

So long and short of it when you find the right guy and over time it will come naturally. Meanwhile keep posting to help with confidence and advice.

I am sometimes. Other times I get a burst of confidence and jump on my husband and shove him in my mouth!
The look of surprise is funny!
The correct partner makes a world of difference x

I'm with you Pink... I love it when my FWB just reaches down, knowing I am horny, and starts to play with me... She loves the taste of cum, and an unexpected blowjob is the best feeling physically and mentally a man can get I reckon...

Love the new profile pic Pink.. Suits you :-)

I started out nervous when I first had sex at 22, and after that it was downhill all the way.

Nerves turned to fear, turned to phobia. I love to kiss and hold hands and cuddle a bit, but anything more than that scares the hell out of me. Genuinely.

These days it is so bad that it actually prevents me from having relationships :-(

Most likely already stated, but through time you will change, no one starts of fantastic at bedroom atheletics, its experiences that help people to progress. Eventually you will meet a person you are comfortable around and with, things will then no doubt naturally change. As liplocked mentioned, the majority of men will not object to you taking the lead, and if a partner has frequently requested an oral experience, there will be little chance of rejection if you jumped on in.

I still to this day, get nervous in the bedroom when MRS T is on the prowl, terrible shivers as if I am in an artic white out, yet eventually as ativities progress I stop being a human vibrator because I am comfortable with Mrs T.

liplocked wrote:

I started out nervous when I first had sex at 22, and after that it was downhill all the way.

Nerves turned to fear, turned to phobia. I love to kiss and hold hands and cuddle a bit, but anything more than that scares the hell out of me. Genuinely.

These days it is so bad that it actually prevents me from having relationships :-(

yeah me too,its too much worry and pressure sometimes

thankyou to every single one who has replied,really helped me and i am normal haha nice to know im not on my own and i guess with the right person,it will come with time,great advice from all,thankyou

Im the same but

since admited to my bf I hate it when he asked n just said to him dont ask me show me I.e turn me on so much im ripping your clothes off his face was a picture...

But sometime contraception n previous experiences have so much to do with things x

Hi JayBee_x Just try asking. I'm sure it will work out OK for you.

Enjoy. x