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  1. The joys of cuming in your partner

    1250541432
    Vampyrewillow [sign in to see picture]
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    oh also, is it true that excessive alcohol affects how well the pill works? my friend doesn't use condoms but takes the pill but is drinking heavily every other night, so just wondered if its something i should let her know about? thanks x

    1250548393
    organicbabe [sign in to see picture]
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    I agree with velvet, it well worth getting that book!! Its brilliant and i even got my OH to read it lol He now thinks hes a fertility expert :-)

    1250549390
    Ecksvie [sign in to see picture]
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    I've got the implant, and I can't really understand why people take the pill. Fair enough if you actually have a reason why you can't have the implant or the injection or other more long term methods of contraception, but why would anyone want to use a method of contraception which is VERY much open to error and accidents? I love the freedom of just being able to leap into sex whenever and not have to worry about condoms or having to remember to take a pill every day. I'd be hopeless at that.

    Am I weird for actually wanting to try sex with a condom? I've never actually had sex with a condom before. I got my implant when I was still a virgin, and with it in I don't need condoms. I know there's still a chance I could get pregnant and using two methods can be a good idea, but I'd rather take my chances with the 0.04% chance I'll get pregnant and be able to have natural sex.

    1250550085
    Lubyanka [sign in to see picture]
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    Ecksvie wrote:

    Am I weird for actually wanting to try sex with a condom? I've never actually had sex with a condom before. I got my implant when I was still a virgin, and with it in I don't need condoms. I know there's still a chance I could get pregnant and using two methods can be a good idea, but I'd rather take my chances with the 0.04% chance I'll get pregnant and be able to have natural sex.

    From what I know, condoms are a great barrier method to reduce the risk of sexually transmitted infections. Even if you're only sexually active with one partner, that partner can be a carrier for STIs either from previous partners or from any current partners outside the relationship. One of the things I hate so much about cheating is that I'm being put at risk of STIs without knowing because my partner doesn't disclose behaviour which is putting me at risk. So because there are significant health risks from sexual activity other than pregnancy, no matter what other method of contraception is used, I think that adding condoms into the mix is a great way to have safer sex.

    1250550736
    poppy904 [sign in to see picture]
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    Lubyanka wrote:

    Ecksvie wrote:

    Am I weird for actually wanting to try sex with a condom? I've never actually had sex with a condom before. I got my implant when I was still a virgin, and with it in I don't need condoms. I know there's still a chance I could get pregnant and using two methods can be a good idea, but I'd rather take my chances with the 0.04% chance I'll get pregnant and be able to have natural sex.

    From what I know, condoms are a great barrier method to reduce the risk of sexually transmitted infections. Even if you're only sexually active with one partner, that partner can be a carrier for STIs either from previous partners or from any current partners outside the relationship. One of the things I hate so much about cheating is that I'm being put at risk of STIs without knowing because my partner doesn't disclose behaviour which is putting me at risk. So because there are significant health risks from sexual activity other than pregnancy, no matter what other method of contraception is used, I think that adding condoms into the mix is a great way to have safer sex.

    it is. i know it can sometimes be hard though. because who want to admit to themselves that they dont 100% trust their partner not to cheat? its a difficult one! x

    1250551177
    Lubyanka [sign in to see picture]
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    poppy904 wrote:

    Lubyanka wrote:

    I think that adding condoms into the mix is a great way to have safer sex.

    it is. i know it can sometimes be hard though. because who want to admit to themselves that they dont 100% trust their partner not to cheat? its a difficult one! x

    I suppose it depends on whether the desire to disregard the possibility of trust issues is stronger than the desire to safeguard one's own health.

    1250551587
    poppy904 [sign in to see picture]
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    Lubyanka wrote:

    poppy904 wrote:

    Lubyanka wrote:

    I think that adding condoms into the mix is a great way to have safer sex.

    it is. i know it can sometimes be hard though. because who want to admit to themselves that they dont 100% trust their partner not to cheat? its a difficult one! x

    I suppose it depends on whether the desire to disregard the possibility of trust issues is stronger than the desire to safeguard one's own health.

    im in agreement that health is much more important. i can just understand how it might be hard for some people. x

    1250551771
    titania [sign in to see picture]
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    My husband and I love having 'unprotected' sex. Nevertheless, we have been using condoms for the last 15 years, bar a couple of weeks where we stopped using them to conceive our two children... yes, it really only took a week each time. I know that we were lucky but we did feel a little bit cheated! I think it shows just how effective birth control condoms can be when used properly.

    I was on the pill for about 5 years and stopped taking it shortly before I met my husband because I kept getting thrush and suspected it may be related. Sure enough it stopped (more or less) when I came off the pill. Although we both much prefer sex without condoms my OH has never been keen for me to go back on the pill. Nevertheless, I did try it again last year, much to my regret. Six months of being on (a different) pill triggered regular heart palpitations which were severe enough for me to require an MRI scan to check my heart out (totally healthy - benign palpitations). Its taken about a year from coming off the pill for the palpitations to settle down. In addition, it triggered a resurgence of some respiratory issues (excessive yawning/air hunger/breathlessness) I'd had since I was at university but which had gone away after my pregnancies. With hindsight I believe these issues were triggered when I originally started taking the pill but I didn't see the link at the time. The symptoms have always been worse when I have PMT/period so there's obviously a hormonal element. Having since researched the side effects of the pill on the web I would not recommend anyone to use it. It seems it can trigger all manner of health problems which people may never realise are related. I presume it is likely that any hormone-based contraception treatment could have such an effect.

    So, what to do? Well I did put the FAM/NFP approach (as mentioned earlier in this thread) to hubby but he was dead against it. One might think that having two kids means we wouldn't mind risking another but I've had post-natal depression with both and the sleep-deprivation has been an absolute killer. It goes on for years, not just the first few months. Also, I realised that I'm at my most horny around ovulation which is obviously a no-go...!

    We've been considering a vasectomy (shudder?!) since our second child was born 3 years ago but so far have not convinced ourselves to risk it. I'm no more keen on it than hubby - I'd hate for his tackle to stop working!

    1250552148
    Ecksvie [sign in to see picture]
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    My desire to use a condom isn't to do with trust, STDs or anything like that, I'm just interested in what it's like!

    I know both me and my partner are STD free, and there is an incredible amount of trust between us both. we have a long history together.

    My boyfriend is actually polyamorous, meaning he believes in having more than one partner. While I'm his only partner at the moment (and have been since we started going out), there's obviously alot of trust that needs to come from me in that respect. I am very special to him (he was chasing me for six years, so I'd think so!), and we have an agreement that if there ever is anyone else, I want to know immediately. I'm his "primary" - I'll always be his number one and he's told me if ever I want him to stop then all I've got to do is give the word. In this situation, I might start to get finicky about using condoms, and if he did get another partner I'd probably stop him from having sex with her, or at least I'd demand his other partner gets an STD test. Again, this is placing an incredible amount of trust in him.

    At the same time though, this could also mean I can trust him more. With most other relationships, having other partners is something that is to be covered up at all costs. In this circumstance, we can come to an agreement and make sure that everyone involved is safe.

    While I agree that using condoms can prevent health issues later on if cheating does become an issue, when you meet someone you know you're going to spend the rest of your life with there has to be alot of trust there. I would always use a condom if I felt I couldn't trust my partner 200%. On the flip side of the coin, if my partner wanted to start using condoms, I'd be fine with that too, although I'd also want to address why he wants to do that, go and get tested if he wanted me to and so on.

    I know things can still go wrong, he could still cheat and land me with an STD, but it's a leap of faith you have to make sometimes. While I would never do so, he also has to have the faith in me not to cheat and pass STDs onto him.

    1250552200
    poppy904 [sign in to see picture]
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    titania wrote:

    My husband and I love having 'unprotected' sex. Nevertheless, we have been using condoms for the last 15 years, bar a couple of weeks where we stopped using them to conceive our two children... yes, it really only took a week each time. I know that we were lucky but we did feel a little bit cheated! I think it shows just how effective birth control condoms can be when used properly.

    I was on the pill for about 5 years and stopped taking it shortly before I met my husband because I kept getting thrush and suspected it may be related. Sure enough it stopped (more or less) when I came off the pill. Although we both much prefer sex without condoms my OH has never been keen for me to go back on the pill. Nevertheless, I did try it again last year, much to my regret. Six months of being on (a different) pill triggered regular heart palpitations which were severe enough for me to require an MRI scan to check my heart out (totally healthy - benign palpitations). Its taken about a year from coming off the pill for the palpitations to settle down. In addition, it triggered a resurgence of some respiratory issues (excessive yawning/air hunger/breathlessness) I'd had since I was at university but which had gone away after my pregnancies. With hindsight I believe these issues were triggered when I originally started taking the pill but I didn't see the link at the time. The symptoms have always been worse when I have PMT/period so there's obviously a hormonal element. Having since researched the side effects of the pill on the web I would not recommend anyone to use it. It seems it can trigger all manner of health problems which people may never realise are related. I presume it is likely that any hormone-based contraception treatment could have such an effect.

    So, what to do? Well I did put the FAM/NFP approach (as mentioned earlier in this thread) to hubby but he was dead against it. One might think that having two kids means we wouldn't mind risking another but I've had post-natal depression with both and the sleep-deprivation has been an absolute killer. It goes on for years, not just the first few months. Also, I realised that I'm at my most horny around ovulation which is obviously a no-go...!

    We've been considering a vasectomy (shudder?!) since our second child was born 3 years ago but so far have not convinced ourselves to risk it. I'm no more keen on it than hubby - I'd hate for his tackle to stop working!

    dont worry about it stopping working! ive had a couple of partners that have had the snip and trust me, it works just fine!!! x

    1250553256
    Lubyanka [sign in to see picture]
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    poppy904 wrote:

    titania wrote:

    We've been considering a vasectomy (shudder?!) since our second child was born 3 years ago but so far have not convinced ourselves to risk it. I'm no more keen on it than hubby - I'd hate for his tackle to stop working!

    dont worry about it stopping working! ive had a couple of partners that have had the snip and trust me, it works just fine!!! x

    That's my experience too. Vasectomies leave the genitals functioning absolutely normally in a sexual context, just not in a reproductive context.

    Ecksvie wrote:

    My boyfriend is actually polyamorous, meaning he believes in having more than one partner. While I'm his only partner at the moment (and have been since we started going out), there's obviously alot of trust that needs to come from me in that respect. I am very special to him (he was chasing me for six years, so I'd think so!), and we have an agreement that if there ever is anyone else, I want to know immediately. I'm his "primary" - I'll always be his number one and he's told me if ever I want him to stop then all I've got to do is give the word. In this situation, I might start to get finicky about using condoms, and if he did get another partner I'd probably stop him from having sex with her, or at least I'd demand his other partner gets an STD test. Again, this is placing an incredible amount of trust in him.

    At the same time though, this could also mean I can trust him more. With most other relationships, having other partners is something that is to be covered up at all costs. In this circumstance, we can come to an agreement and make sure that everyone involved is safe.

    While I agree that using condoms can prevent health issues later on if cheating does become an issue, when you meet someone you know you're going to spend the rest of your life with there has to be alot of trust there. I would always use a condom if I felt I couldn't trust my partner 200%. On the flip side of the coin, if my partner wanted to start using condoms, I'd be fine with that too, although I'd also want to address why he wants to do that, go and get tested if he wanted me to and so on.

    Cheating isn't the only reason to use condoms. A person could have an STI which they don't know about, they could have an STI which has occasional flare ups which makes them infectious, or they could suffer from premature ejaculation.

    I am polyamorous too, and I see no reason why trust and condoms are mutually exclusive. Why not have both? What does trust even have to do with it? And no matter whether you are his primary, secondary or quadrushiary, how does that make any difference when there are other partners involved? Personally, I have never understood why a person would take my care for my own health by using a barrier method like a condom and artificially translate that into some kind of emotional blackmail trust issue. The way I see it, it's my body, therefore it's my choice, regardless of other people.

    If a person were to take my choice to use condoms and try to emotionally blackmail me with a trust issue, then I would know for sure that something was up and I'd dump him. Why should anybody have any issues if I decided to choose to use condoms?

    I know things can still go wrong, he could still cheat and land me with an STD, but it's a leap of faith you have to make sometimes. While I would never do so, he also has to have the faith in me not to cheat and pass STDs onto him.

    Why? Why must one make that leap of faith? Can there not be trust there and condom usage? After all, health is unrelated to trust, so why construe a connection where there is none?

    I apologise if I sounded confrontational. I just felt that your post contained a lot of assumptions which I think might not all be set in stone, you know?

    1250555954
    miss fortune [sign in to see picture]
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    Before my OH and I started having sex I went on the mini pill and we used condoms. I was given other choices such as the implant (shudders) it makes me feel like throwing up or the injection which I didn't feel ok with as I had no control over it (I feel safer doing something often rather then every few months). I have never had a problem with the pill, only the adjusting to the new amount of hormones. So we decided to try without condoms (we're both clean and were each others first). We both prefer without now. Although we tend to avoid sex/use condoms if I've been ill.

    1250591494
    shellyboo [sign in to see picture]
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    Ecksvie wrote:

    I've got the implant, and I can't really understand why people take the pill. Fair enough if you actually have a reason why you can't have the implant or the injection or other more long term methods of contraception, but why would anyone want to use a method of contraception which is VERY much open to error and accidents? I love the freedom of just being able to leap into sex whenever and not have to worry about condoms or having to remember to take a pill every day. I'd be hopeless at that.

    Because it doesn't suit everyone Ecksvie. The implant and the injection are both spectacularly high doses of hormones compared to the Oral Pill, and you can't just stop taking them if you have a bad reaction. The injection - though I didn't know it at the time - was a huge factor in my depression, not to mention it gave me chronic migraine. I didn't realise either of those things until I stopped using it; and it's only now (almost a year after I've come off it) that I can see the huge difference in my mood.

    As it stands, my reaction was so severe that my doctor won't give me any sort of high-dose contraception anymore, she says the Mirena or the NuvaRing (both very low-dose delivery systems) are my only options. The NuvaRing didn't suit me, so I'm saving up to get the Mirena fitted.

    1250592997
    diamonds [sign in to see picture]
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    when i went to my docotors to be put on the pill she said that they dont like to give you an implant untill a you have found a pill that suits you and then after a year if all is well on that pill then you can have an implant of it. but as said the implant doesnt suit everyone and alot of people i know have become preggers while having it, its also quite a more invasive(Sp?) thing to have done then just take a pill every morning! i have thoght about having the implant but i dont see the point for a few reason and so have left it.

    as for sex without condoms, yes i have and do. ive always used condoms first in new sexul relationships and only stopped using them when weve been togther for quite a while and had STD check ups before hand. ive only not used condoms with 2 people my ex and my OH.

    yes it does feel much better and for me i can feel so much more and can come more from P in V sex but cant at all when using condoms in P in V sex.

    the reason for stop using comdoms has been beacouse they were/are long term relationship and i was/am on the pill and cos of it feeling so much better.

    but i would never have sex with a new partner without condoms and i also wouldnt do it in a long term relationship if i wasnt on the pill ect unless i was trying for a baby.

    Dxx

    1250593051
    Lubyanka [sign in to see picture]
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    I had to come off the combined pill because it triggered too many migraine attacks. I went on the progestogen-only pill and I had such violent mood swings that I practically had holes in both my ceiling and my floor as I swooshed through them several times daily. Since as far as I know the injection and the implant are both progestogen-only hormone contraception, I would have had to have been actively seeking suicide to have had either of those fitted.

    When I first started taking the progestogen-only pill, I was not warned of the side effects. One night I was so crazy with mood swings I rang the Samaritans, and it so happened that the woman on the other end had the same reaction as me, and she pointed out that there might be a connection between my mood swings and the pill I was on. If it hadn't been for her, I might not have known until it was too late. This reaction is so commonplace that a random Samaritan recognised it when I was ringing about something else. So that's why so many women don't use hormone contraception.

    Besides that, I think that a lot of erogenous zones elsewhere on the body get woefully neglected because of the huge focus on penis-in-vagina-penetration. Personally, I'm a huge fan of exploring other kinds of sex besides penis-in-vagina-penetration, and for a lot of those contraception is not required, thankfully. :)

    1250596178
    shellyboo [sign in to see picture]
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    Lubyanka wrote:

    I had to come off the combined pill because it triggered too many migraine attacks.

    Lubyanka, is the cervical ring you were talking about the NuvaRing? Or is it something different?

    1250600537
    Salvadore [sign in to see picture]
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    hummm scary reading... my girlfriend and I are just using the pill... bit worried now. tried condoms and they were a disaster, complete passion killer, I could feel nothing and she had some kind of allergic reaction... she hates it if I don't come in her.. she gets angry.. is a tricky one.

    my only advice is stay away from the injection. lived through a complete horror story after my ex tried it..

    1250601484
    shellyboo [sign in to see picture]
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    Why angry, Salvadore? Our of curiosity. Sounds a bit... unnecessary to get angry over something like that.

    1250603679
    diamonds [sign in to see picture]
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    shellyboo wrote:

    Why angry, Salvadore? Our of curiosity. Sounds a bit... unnecessary to get angry over something like that.

    that was what i was thinking...

    Dxx

    1250603899
    m3nf [sign in to see picture]
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    I used to hate using condoms, they where and always have been such a pain, once i had our last son i decided it was time to get the chop, since then its been so amazing not having to worry about things.

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