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  1. Its Bye from Teacake: Relationship has broken down

    1555092906
    Fun Louise [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 4707
    • Joined: 30 Mar 2015

    Hi Teacake, no one is worth being abused. No matter how much you love her.

    Be strong and know you have friends here. 

    1555138109
    Andyxx [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Captain
    • Posts: 76
    • Joined: 8 Jun 2015

    Hi Teacake, Ive been there to and physically abused in a relationship. The first thing is that it is not your fault regardless of what they say. Second you need to talk to someone about it all, I was a bugger for bottling it up and eventually had a serious life wobble and third it will take time but find a way out and find yourself again, find who you are on your own, we all change when in long term relationships so you need to be you again. Once you find yourself you can move on. All the best and stay strong.

    1555095646
    DLJL [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Brigadier
    • Posts: 519
    • Joined: 7 Jun 2015

    Hi sorry to hear what has happened, wishing you the best of luck in the next chapter of your life.

    1555158761
    teacake [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 1564
    • Joined: 24 Oct 2011

    Thank You Everyone

    I had been with her for 18 years, She has made me feel dependant on her I honestly don't know what to do and where to go.

    She came home and said she has been to the estate agents and they said they are sorting it out, she said it will take about a month to get me of the contract. I don't know what to do we are on a joint contract but its now on a roling contract.

    If I go to the doctors what do I say, Its more of the emotional side she has been playing with, I should of know this from the start.  

    1555161768
    teacake [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 1564
    • Joined: 24 Oct 2011

    Thanks HM.

    When I met her she was 18 with nasty mates who soon ditched her when she got pregnant, So she didn't have any friends, when she moved in with me she said i cant be with my friends if I want her and my child, because they were taking naughty stuff, I understand that but she said I couldn't mix with them.

    Move on 18 years she has friends now and she has ditched me.

    I really thought she was the one to grow old with, everything was fine until the last two years.  

    Thing is I dont have any Friends i can stay with or Family.

    1555078893
    teacake [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
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    • Joined: 24 Oct 2011

    Some of you know of my problems with my girlfriend its now hit a low time we were together for 18 years, and now it looks like its never going to get back on track, she keeps saying she is going to the estate agents to get me out of here, but when I say when are you doing it she tells me I dont now, But eventually I think she has gone down today or will be.

    Where does this leave me I have no idea I have no money no where to go, I still love her but she doesn't want to be with me for now she said she is prepared to be friends and see where it goes.

    I have been in that situation before so no i'm not going to wait to find out of she wants to be with me eventually.

    She still denies ever talking to men online even though I showed her the proof.

    I don't know if its her depression but she has become violent towards me.

    Thing is who do I tell what she has done as no one will believe me on the outside world she is the happy one who would never chat to other men let alone say she was single. Last Nove she stamped onto my feet and i'm pretty sure she broke them, I do have pictures of that but nothing else. To everyone else Im the mad horrible one.

    1555081261
    teacake [sign in to see picture]
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    • Joined: 24 Oct 2011

    Thanks Guy, I know but I'm not even sure where I will be.

    1555081832
    teacake [sign in to see picture]
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    • Posts: 1564
    • Joined: 24 Oct 2011

    Justthe2ofus2007 wrote:

    Teacake 😢 So sorry to hear. I’ve been in a controlling relationship and I’m still suffering with the effect of it 20 years down the line. My only advise is to stay safe, go to your doctors, get them to check your injuries and to get them logged. Also start a journal, do you have someone to confide in? Someone you trust, someone you can call if things turn violent ?

    Hi and Thanks, No I dont have anyone to talk to, I have just written everything down from the day we met. She keeps telling me I'm controlling, Its a mess

    1555083777
    teacake [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 1564
    • Joined: 24 Oct 2011

    Thanks Jess, I don't know if its abuse in any sort I guess i'm not seeing from another persons eyes.

    I will come back to the forums but I don't know where i'm going to be having hardly any money, I will be on here untill the end.

    Thanks I will check out ManKind, I don't want to make out she is abusive when it could be all fixed with the right medication because of her depression, she was such a nice kind person it only the last year or two things have changed.

    Thing is no one knows what happens behind closed doors. 

    1555089236
    teacake [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
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    • Joined: 24 Oct 2011

    Cheers Knight, I really didn't know it had got to this point because I was letting my GF get on with her problems because she said she didn't want my help, I don't know if she was just saying it to be nasty but she said she has been telling people we are not together, but she never told me that I was the last one to know.

    1555080864
    Guy14357 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
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    • Joined: 26 Jan 2018

    Stay strong mate. We’re all here for you. If we can help we will

    1555098442
    MrsG. [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 328
    • Joined: 13 Jan 2019

    Hi Teacake, so sorry to hear you have been going through this. I really hope you manage to get things sorted out. Please look after yourself, you are valued. X

    1555081676
    Justthe2ofus2007 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 1497
    • Joined: 4 Mar 2018

    Teacake 😢 So sorry to hear. I’ve been in a controlling relationship and I’m still suffering with the effect of it 20 years down the line. My only advise is to stay safe, go to your doctors, get them to check your injuries and to get them logged. Also start a journal, do you have someone to confide in? Someone you trust, someone you can call if things turn violent ?

    1555161155
    HM [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Colonel
    • Posts: 90
    • Joined: 5 Sep 2011

    Sorry to hear about your problems, sometimes you don't realise what form emotional abuse can take until you get away. It took my younger daughter to explain to me what had been happening to me in my first marriage.

    Others have already said Get Away, you need to for your own safety and sanity. You aren't alone, even if some of us are just here on Lovehoney. Get help from a counsellor, there are a lot of people who are helpful, understanding and can help guide you forward.

    1555088885
    Knight1119 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
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    • Joined: 22 Sep 2014

    Teacake, I’m so sorry to hear of all your suffering mate, it sounds awful. We’re here for you.

    1555166759
    Mr&MrsDLPS [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Brigadier
    • Posts: 249
    • Joined: 2 Jul 2015

    Terri JJ wrote:

    Teacake...... I'm so very sorry to hear all this. 

    I've separated from my husband (just before Christmas). He was psychologically abusive and I couldn't see it for years. It was the most difficult time in my life......I had no idea what I was going to do but one thing was for certain.....I couldn't stay, and neither can you. You MUST get away from this situation .....for your own safety and well-being. Your girlfriend sounds very controlling, emotionally and physically abusive. Go to your doctor.....get these injuries seen too and recorded. Go to Citizens advice......they were really helpful to me and they really won't judge at all. Do you have a friend you could stay with....or relatives ? If not the CAB will advise you what to do. 

    Please put yourself first here and get some help and advise. We're always here if you need to talk or rant.......but please stay safe Teacake

    Sending you lots of *virtual hugs* xx

    Spot on Terri JJ, wise words.

    wishing you strength at this difficult time and YOU CAN AND WILL GET THROUGH THIS Teacake. Stay positive pal. 

    1555100608
    Terri JJ [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 8962
    • Joined: 20 Aug 2014

    Teacake...... I'm so very sorry to hear all this. 

    I've separated from my husband (just before Christmas). He was psychologically abusive and I couldn't see it for years. It was the most difficult time in my life......I had no idea what I was going to do but one thing was for certain.....I couldn't stay, and neither can you. You MUST get away from this situation .....for your own safety and well-being. Your girlfriend sounds very controlling, emotionally and physically abusive. Go to your doctor.....get these injuries seen too and recorded. Go to Citizens advice......they were really helpful to me and they really won't judge at all. Do you have a friend you could stay with....or relatives ? If not the CAB will advise you what to do. 

    Please put yourself first here and get some help and advise. We're always here if you need to talk or rant.......but please stay safe Teacake

    Sending you lots of *virtual hugs* xx

    1555168678
    Scoob [sign in to see picture]
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    So sorry to hear that teacake, you're such a nice person on here and I'm sure you're the same in the real world. As said, put yourself first, someone like this will only get worse. Stay safe pal, don't be too hasty about leaving the forum, were all here for you

    1555081861
    Lovehoney - Jess Wilde [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 2667
    • Joined: 30 Nov 2012

    Hi Teacake,

    I'm so sorry to hear what you've been going through. What you're describing is both psychological and physical domestic abuse, and absolutely NO ONE deserves to go through that.

    Get out of there now. Don't wait for her to go to the estate agents or make the final call. You deserve respect, and if she won't give it to you, it's up to you to give it to yourself. 

    Whether its her depression, or some other reason that she treats you the way she does, you don't have to stand for it, and there is never an excuse to be abused. 

    I say this as someone who lived with an abusive father and has had an abusive partner in the past. 

    I know it's a really difficult situation to be in, and completely empathise with how hard it is, but you MUST leave. Everything else will pan out as it should, trust me. 

    As for other people believing you - you don't need anyone else to believe you. All you need to do is look after yourself. 

    In the mean time, check out 'ManKind', 'Men's Advice Line' and 'Reducing the Risk'.

    You are NOT alone in this and so so many people have been in the same or similar situations, regardless of their gender. 

    Please don't leave the forum. It can be so helpful to have somewhere to mentally offload and get emotional support, so please keep popping into this thread to give us updates? 

    1555090974
    Mrs.John [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Brigadier
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    Teacake. Value yourself, you have tried so hard and put up with too much. Jess has some really wise words, please get out x

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