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  1. Q for other crossdressers

    Jester91 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Brigadier
    • Posts: 22
    • Joined: 2 Sep 2013

    Hi all

    Looking for some advice. I'm still sadly living at home (age 22) and well basically long story short i hate lying to my folks. Underneath my normal clothes i always wear knickers or thongs, i prefer them, silk and satin feel far more comfortable than itchy menswear. Plus, i feel sexier and a fun colourful panty drawer is much nicer to delve through than boring boxers. I want to go the full way though, i'm a pretty submissive guy anyway and feel very intune with my feminine side, shaved my body hair etc too. Just hate having to cover up my shaved arms and legs, wearing jackets indoors incase my underwear pops out and basically being paranoid whenever she's in my room that she'll discover my underwear selection!!

    I want to just come out with it, be able to wear what i feel happier in. Would love to be able to just roll my sleeves up nevermind having shaved arms, be able to throw my knickers in the wash without worrying about her reaction, be able to walk around not constantly paranoid i have a thong sticking out at the back she might be able to see, etc. How do i tell her? I've debated telling her for years, i started to feel more myself in female wear about the age of 9. So it's not exactly new, hiding it all these years and it really sucks! I don't feel too afraid publically, because people don't know me. I wear short sleeved shirts and have a thong on and i don't care too much. It's just at home, which is depressing i feel more accepted by strangers! Maybe she would accept me, i don't know and am afraid to find out.

    How did you tell your parents? (If you have?) Should i keep buying clothes in secret and washing them in secret, being discreete and hiding what i have on and stuff? Or should i tell them? I'm still not on to full on female clothing although i would like too, just underwear for now. Feel terrible in mens wear, just want to be myself and know she loves me no matter what! Hate lying to her, she bought me a pack of boxers last week, haven't wore them at all. Just keep putting them in the wash basket pretending i've wore them! Instead i spent £53 on LH last thursday buying the girly underwear i prefer!

    Any advice? Comments?

    Thanks reading

    KinkyFuckery [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 2736
    • Joined: 10 Jul 2012

    She probably knows mums are good are at working us out .

    Sit down and tell her how you feel be honest and open. She may not accept it straight away you need to expect the worst as well as her accepting it well .Doesnt change the fact she loves you because you cross dress she just will need to get her head around it and understand it.

    Good Luck

    MrsMcX [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 1723
    • Joined: 15 Feb 2013

    Being a mum myself, I that mothers love and support their children regardless of what they choose to do in life. If you've been prone to this since a young age, she might already know, mothers usually know everything!!

    If it's bothering you that much, just sit down and have a nice chat with her. Tell her you don't feel comfortable, and it's making you feel really down and you're worried about her feelings towards you if you dressed differently. I really think it will do you a lot of good to just talk. If she isn't okay with it, leave it at that, she may come around to it eventually, but if she doesn't at least you got it off your chest. You can then decide if you want to just go for it, or continue to hide it to please her.

    What if she's supportive and doesn't care what you do? Maybe in a couple of months time you'll kick yourself for not telling her sooner!

    Good luck, hope it works out for you.

    Jester91 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Brigadier
    • Posts: 22
    • Joined: 2 Sep 2013


    She might know, i doubt it though, i've been really careful. Course as you say mums are good at finding things out. I'd love to sit her down and be honest and open, but, well, not quite sure how to even go about doing that! Guess i could just "accidentally" leave out some of my underwear or something. I dunno, scary.

    Really helpful to hear from a mum there too

    Encouraging to see a mother be supportive of the idea, i would love to get it off my chest finally and as you say at least it would be a weight off my shoulders. Don't quite know how i'd deal with it if she didn't support me in it though. If she was happy regardless, and all this time went by with me hiding it needlessly you are totally right i would so kick myself.

    Can i ask you, as a parent, i don't know if you have a son or not, but, as a parent, if your son was in my situation, how would you want him to handle it? I think as you say, most parents accept and love their children no matter what but would you want him to be honest and forthright or would you want him to keep this sort of thing to himself? If you'd want him to tell you, how best would you like the news delivered? We cook together so we talk alot when making the dinner.

    Thanks again :)

    Draven [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Colonel
    • Posts: 248
    • Joined: 7 Jul 2010

    Hi Jester : )

    I feel i can sympathise with you quite a lot. I love wearing womens clothes, i too ofter wear womens panties beneath my clothes too. I find i'm more drawn to female things then mens things, they just seem nicer, more choice, softer fabrics. it's not just undies either for me though, i often wear other womens things but they are the sort of things no one would necessarily notice. womens jeans are a favourite, lovely and stretchy, comfortable, gives me a lovely butt ; ) I also prefer womens shoes and boots, at home i have heels but out and about i buy flat ones so that a summary glance from a stranger wouldn't notice they were womens, if i had the confidence i'd wear heels all the time ; )

    where we differ though, i never had intention of telling my parents, brothers, relations etc. sure people that i socialize with or work with know i wear womens jeans and boots etc, they probably guess i wear womens undies, but i haven't felt the need to tell them anything. I have told my GF though ; ) she's been very supportive thankfully and we even share undies now (only a small selection as she doesn't want my bum stretching her sexier ones lol)

    I don't really have any specific advice other than to let you know that I kind of know what you're going through, it is awkward keeping it secret, but I also found it part of the fun ; ) i went through a biker stage, shaven head, long beard, big harley loads of leather etc, people found me intimidating and some strangers even feared me!! little did they know beneath the leatherm hair and tattoos i was likely wearing skimpy pink lacy amd frilly panties ; ) lol

    whatever happens, good luck to you :)

    MrsMcX [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 1723
    • Joined: 15 Feb 2013

    I have sons, but they're young (multiple birth!) but if I suspected that one of them was hiding something like this from me I would be hurt that they didn't feel comfortable in telling me. I like to think they can talk to me about anything. But obviously, everyone is different.

    If one of them were to tell me something like this, I wouldn't mind how they told me at all. I wouldn't want them to leave things lying around in the hope I notice though, I would love to just have an honest chat with them.

    Do you have a good relationship with your mum?

    saucey21 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Brigadier
    • Posts: 128
    • Joined: 19 Mar 2013

    I'm also a mum of a young child. i would want my child to tell me anything they wanted to. most parents are non judgemental, we just want children to be happy. just tell her it will work itself out. be open and honest. i don't think i would like the idea of 'just finding' them.

    good luck with your decision these things are never easy.

    Naughty Miss K [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 752
    • Joined: 20 Nov 2012

    Hello! Just to add my tenpence in here, I'd make the most of cooking together and tell her then! You don't want to leave it around for her to find because as othershave said she may feel a bit hurt that you couldn't speak to her about it.

    Good luck with it, you'll feel a huge weight off your shoulders whichever way it goes :)

    Jester91 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Brigadier
    • Posts: 22
    • Joined: 2 Sep 2013

    Thanks for the supportive words!!

    Unanimous opinion there that being open and honest is best way to handle it, lovely to know i'm not the only one and that it's not maybe as huge a thing as i worried it was, comforting to know others can understand and not think anything major about it

    Helpful to hear from Mums too, i really get on ever so well with her, kinda lame but shes like my backbone lol. Big fear is harming that in any way! I'd like to think she wouldn't and maybe she wouldn't, the maternal view in here is parents love ya no matter what which i hope applies here with my mum too! Weighing up the best case scenario of having her accept me and love me no matter what and let me just embrace my inner feminimity and be who i wanna be: but, the worst case being it damages our really strong bond, but, i guess nobody ever overcame their fears without being a little bit brave!

    Was planning on doing it today but chickened out, felt bit rubbish about that. So doing it tomorrow for sure, even if it comes out bad & stuff, least it's done with! With luck, not long from now i can be the full way out and proud with her blessing, if goes sour then yeah..dunno how i'd deal with that one, but, have to do it, feel really lousy hiding my washing and wearing long clothes to cover up a thong or shaved arms/legs etc.

    Will let you know how it goes!!

    Thanks very much everyone for the lovely supportive comments and tremendous encouragement

    If she's half as nice as you wonderful folks on Lovehoney have been, then this time tomorrow i'll be a very happy chappy :)

    MrsMcX [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 1723
    • Joined: 15 Feb 2013

    It sounds like you have a wonderful relationship with your mother, and I feel like she would support you.

    She obviously loves you unconditionally, and I don't think that's just because you dress like a man. You're her son, you've had so many happy wonderful years together, and I can't see how it could change just because of the way you dress. It's not a change of personality, you're still the same person.

    If she's old fashioned, like what most mums are, it might be a shock to her at first, or it might not, but either way you can't hide from who you really are forever. It's better to get it over and done with. Maybe break it gently, and just say "I think you might have seen some womens underwear in my bedroom. They're mine, I just find them more confortable for me than boxers, and I feel bad you bought me a new set", maybe something gentle like that? It's also interesting she bought you boxers, I'm a firm believer that mums know everything!! Could she not have been trying to ask you herself?

    I just thought I would add, the fact you have come here concerned about how your mother will react shows in itself how much of a good relationship you have. You're not concerned about anyone other than her, which shows how much you care, and she will feel the same. If the tables were turned and your mother had a confession to make, I'm sure you would support her any way you can too.

    No matter how many times you try and tell her but you 'chicken out' at least you're making the effort and one day you'll get there. Just don't give up trying and hide your true self.

    Good luck, again :)

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