1. Young single female.

    -Jade,A- [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Captain
    • Posts: 3
    • Joined: 29 Mar 2013

    Well here I am on a forum for sex toys ect, because am going on about why my life sex life is shite ect ect. But I think the old and young have key things that we understand and frown about when it comes to sexual behaviour. Being young, yes we may be tight in the right places and be able to make pretend noices till the sun comes up. But I do feel no matter the generation, as women are sexuality is always deemed as wrong or to much, and I feel right now I am tackling between the two. "right I am attracted to him I must act like this is the best sex ever" and all your mates saw you grinding him into the pillar in the centre of the designated dancing area. Which means you must shag him not for your sexual satisfaction but to bow to his needs and to follow the cultural lead of being taken away. With no conversation or context for the situation being discussed between friends or pillar victim. But equally you have a lad who has got you flowers kisses your hand and treated you like such and angel (even though in a fight it would be you to throw the top punch). Yet still we must swoon and act that every precious touch is a gift from the gods and that our skin turns to gold just because he was kind and we cum frwhis very glance. But like many of my fellow clit born victims I feel like a wanker, I have been in love with a someone, but, I had no sexual satisfaction, although I was in love. But equally I have had one night stands from the shy glance telling all you need to know (E.G they said they will pay for food/uber, wahay) to something you didn't expect. I feel we are meant to be caught up in the passion of let's face it whatever the hell is going on... But honestly am just trying to pretend that am enjoying it equally to how much he is (slapping?/mowning) about it all. . As a women how do we explore are sexuality? with wanting an intermediate connection but equally not wanting to be used. If you have endured reading this hats of to you, but how do we as bi/gay/stg (sorry if I missed anything out add to the comments or message me will make an edit, apologies for ignorance) . Ahem sorry was finishing that last tad of hot chocolate because am swag like that. But the point remains I don't think that women are the problem am not writing this to come up with a solution but would be great to hear what you guys reakon. This isn't a slant against men (at this stage it's pretty tragic if you don't get that) but more of an observation of what men and women feel about this sort of experience. As a love honey community it would be great to hear some views and have some good chats. Honestly the reason I have been here for so long is that I have been a member for some time and the forum seems very sweet and supportive. Thanks all! Fucking hell good on you for reading to the end.

    KinkyMira [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 1458
    • Joined: 24 Jan 2017

    I did. I read to the end!

    So firstly, hello and welcome to the forum. They are a good lot here.

    It sounds like you have a lot of social pressure on you, and it sounds like you are doing things because it is expected rather than it is what you would ideally like to do. In my opinion, social norms and societal expectations cause a lot of problems in our society.

    It sounds like you need to develop a "fuck-off fairy". The idea is that, over time, you really don't care what others think of you in a situation. You don't do things because of social expection, you do them because you want to do them. That means that (as an example), you don't shag him to bow to his needs and to follow the cultural lead of being taken away, but for your sexual satisfaction. Over time, you can not give a toss about the cultural lead. For someone in your situation, it is very hard to buck those social trends/leads/expectations, but bit by bit, you can get there.

    Here's a website to read. It gets the idea across a bit better than I have.


    An important paragraph from that page is this:

    "The Fuck-Off Fairy teaches you to stand up for yourself and believe in your value. She gets that sometimes "fuck off" needs to be said politely and with a smile, but while delivering the message clearly. She is an important part of the coming-of-age process."

    It is amazing how free of pressure you can get by genuinely not caring about the social norms etc. It isn't easy or quick, but it sounds like you need to find yours.

    You asked about the male perspective. I know from talking to my husband that men are under a lot of societal pressure themselves. The laddish pressure to pull and get laid is enormous. One of the reasons I fell in love with my husband is that he has had a fuck-off fairy for most of his life (he was lucky that his parents taught him well in that regard). He was under enormous pressure to get a woman, was accused of being gay (yes, I chose those words carefully - and his brilliant response was "What's wrong with being gay?), was accused of being square or a nerd ("What's wrong with being a nerd?") and other attempts to belittle him. None of it worked, and he's a great guy because of it.

    I have, on occasion, moved away from certain acquaintances, because they were toxic. It may also be worth looking at your friends/who you spend evenings with etc to see whether they are good for you or not. Is there one who is generating the pressure, is it a group as a whole, or are you all in the same boat operating under society?

    I am afraid you have some thinking to do to work these things out. The good news is that you post has shown that you are clearly thinking about this stuff already, so you are part way there.

    Take care Jade x

    Lovehoney - Jess Wilde [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 2552
    • Joined: 30 Nov 2012

    As this is a duplicate, I'll close this thread so you can carry on chatting on the other one. 

    See other thread here.

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