Body Positivity v Confidence

Having a bit of a dilemma... I really want to be body positive and inclusive and accepting... but I can't seem to translate this into self-confidence and self-acceptance. Which defies the whole body-positivity thing because i'm being judgemental about myself.

When i see other plus-size people wearing anything they like, i think 'yeah, nice one! you do you!'
But when i try stuff on, i end up thinking 'ugh, you look hideous, don't wear that in public.'

I think of myself as an unattractive shape - it's not just about size, it's about proportions.

Any ideas for applying the same acceptance i give other people to myself??

We are often much harsher in judging ourselves than judging others. We see flaws that others wouldn't notice or wouldn't perceive as a flaw.

Try looking at yourself as though it was someone else, would the same things still bother you? Or maybe try and find pictures of women that have a very similar body shape and size to yours, if they look good with this "unattractive shape" then there's no reason why you wouldn't.

I wish I could help more, I used to struggle with body image, but what ended up helping was just regularly recognising things I viewed as flaws and reminding myself that I would judge nobody else for them and thus shouldn't do it to myself.

I hope this helps a little xx

ScarlettBlacks wrote:

We are often much harsher in judging ourselves than judging others. We see flaws that others wouldn't notice or wouldn't perceive as a flaw.

Try looking at yourself as though it was someone else, would the same things still bother you? Or maybe try and find pictures of women that have a very similar body shape and size to yours, if they look good with this "unattractive shape" then there's no reason why you wouldn't.

I wish I could help more, I used to struggle with body image, but what ended up helping was just regularly recognising things I viewed as flaws and reminding myself that I would judge nobody else for them and thus shouldn't do it to myself.

I hope this helps a little xx

+1

I too have body issues - but not all the time!!! Its very strange and frustrating for me (and my husband) because I don't really know from one day to the next how I am going to feel.

I can only suggest that if you find a particular style of clothing/lingerie you are happy with, concentrate on that and maybe progress to variations on a theme.

There must be a part of yourself that you are less self conscious about - highlight that.

Try using accessories to distract from any parts you are less happy with.

Hair and make up can sometimes help self confidence too.

(Mmmmm, think I should try following some of my own advice here lol)

Pierced_n_Spanked wrote:

Having a bit of a dilemma... I really want to be body positive and inclusive and accepting... but I can't seem to translate this into self-confidence and self-acceptance. Which defies the whole body-positivity thing because i'm being judgemental about myself.

When i see other plus-size people wearing anything they like, i think 'yeah, nice one! you do you!'
But when i try stuff on, i end up thinking 'ugh, you look hideous, don't wear that in public.'

I think of myself as an unattractive shape - it's not just about size, it's about proportions.

Any ideas for applying the same acceptance i give other people to myself??

Thats probably because perhaps you could be your own worst critic. Many women including my Mrs demonstrate this trait.

Confidence = Sexy.

I have been chatted up by quite a few curvacious women recently and TBH they came accross very confident, sexy and knew what they wanted. Unfortunately for them I could not be their conquest for the night, If I was single then yeah I think I would have given a couple of them a try as I like their confidence .

What you need to do in my opinion is pick something to wear and say "what the eck , I am going out in this tonight " and keep a smile on your face if you are single , which is a look of confidence and see what happens .

Don't hold yourself back go for it !

Relax. You're defo more bothered about how you think you look than what other people are really thinking. Most people don't care hun. I mean that nicely. Stop pressuring yourself. Relax and enjoy your body. It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own. So do what you damn well please.

SquirtyPanda wrote:

Relax. You're defo more bothered about how you think you look than what other people are really thinking. Most people don't care hun. I mean that nicely. Stop pressuring yourself. Relax and enjoy your body. It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own. So do what you damn well please.

+1

I've never had confidence issues about my body (no surprises there I guess) lol .....and I'm a size 20/22 on the top and a 16/18 on the bottom, so not really in proportion at all ....and I'm short , only 5ft 2in.

SP is right. You're definitely going to judge yourself much more harshly than other people. I love bright colours and floral print. Wear whatever you fancy..... providing your clothes are clean and fit properly you'll look great xx

You always think more critically about yourself.i do think by doing little things,such as picking something special to wear,it does boost your confidence.maybe not Gok Wan strutting round the supermarket naked but enough to put a spring in your step.its about tiny wins and retraining your brain

I'm going to be brutally honest honey, but you are being way to critical on yourself. We all have "meh" days and feel crappy about ourselves, but life really is far too short to not be happy with yourself, you have yourself for life. Think about how you look at others, you know those random people you have a brief 5 second crush on etc etc? People think that about you TOO! Also, would you speak to your best friend in that way? You have to be careful what you say/speak/think as you will believe yourself and begin to accept that way of thinking.

Confidence is sexy. I spent so many miserable years being sad and depressed about myself and tried at one point to starve myself in my younger years, and one day literally woke up and thought I don't want to be like that anymore, so I didn't. I would suggest you find a clothing and lingerie style that you like: experiment. See what works for others. Play around with different styles and find what works well for you.. what suits an hour glass figure may look weird and odd on a top heavy person.

Put a bit of makeup on! If you aren't good at it, visit a counter and find a consultant that makes you feel comfortable and easy to talk to. Have a perfume and make it your own. Spend time doing your hair.. invest in good haircare and skincare products.

If you aren't happy with your shape/weight, do something about it. Simple as that. Excercise makes you feel faaaabulous. Take care of yourself, drink water, eat your veggies and get good sleep.

I really hate to sound like I'm preaching, but I'm so passionate about this. I am currently working on my weight but still feel sexy and confident as hell. Life is SO short, enjoy it and enjoy yourself, and stop spending so much time thinking negative thoughts about yourself. x

Pierced _n_ spanked - I am exactly the same as you. I judge myself way more harshly than I judge others. I really dislike my proportions, but I am trying to do something about that. The main thing for me is to come to terms with the fact that the problem is in my head and not really much to do with my body. I'm good enough just the way I am. And so are you. *big hugs*

🙋 can I join the club? I have days where I feel like I'm rocking the plus size world. Then days like today I feel nothing more than a blubber filled blob. We are our own worst enemy sweetheart. We see every lump, bump and flaw that others don't. You know the way you look at others and think "yeah they are totally pulling that off, looking awesome, I wish I was that confident" there are people who think that exact thing about you.

It's true what the others are saying. Other people will look at you and love what they see. We are our own worst enemies and see every flaw. Confidence doesn't depend on a body size as I've been confident at a size 20 and inconfident at a size 6 and I've seen my flaws at every size. I'm not going to lie losing weight has helped with my confidence buts its more than just that. I started walking tall, holding my head up, hair and makeup, my favourite clothes, perfume and smiling well before I got to target weight. Even if you don't feel confident do this, strut your stuff, tell yourself your worth it. All those women you see are probably doing exactly the same but you wouldn't know. Remember what others see is our outer shells, it isn't what defines us. Start acting confident and honestly you will start to believe it yourself.
Be kind to yourself, you are worth it and remember nobody is perfect 😊

My Mrs has been on a healthy food kick for a couple of weeks now and of course I am getting the "do I look any slimmer questions", to which I reply "yes and it's also making your boobs look bigger". All she said was "really" but I could hear the cogs turning from across the room lol. So I guess the healthy eating is going to carry on for a while longer.

The easiest thing to fool is the human mind and the easiest mind to fool is your own. You are currently allowing it to think you are unattractive, so follow some of the good advice above and retrain it to see the truth. It's easier than you think. Go for it and don't look back.

Body confidence is all in ones mind . Its how one sees one self and doen't bear any relation at all as to how others see you..

There is a gym about 20 mins drive away and I called into the supermarket next door for some mineral water for my own workouts . Going into the gym building I saw this rather curvacious blonde lady wearing I think its was a vest but could have been a leotard with leggings and trainers without a care in the world. I think she looked quite atrractive as well again its that feeling of confidence that could be making her that way.

lovingnewtoys wrote

I too have body issues - but not all the time!!! Its very strange and frustrating for me (and my husband) because I don't really know from one day to the next how I am going to feel.

I can only suggest that if you find a particular style of clothing/lingerie you are happy with, concentrate on that and maybe progress to variations on a theme.

There must be a part of yourself that you are less self conscious about - highlight that.

Try using accessories to distract from any parts you are less happy with.

Hair and make up can sometimes help self confidence too.

(Mmmmm, think I should try following some of my own advice here lol)

I feel exactly the same !

wildflower wrote:

lovingnewtoys wrote

I too have body issues - but not all the time!!! Its very strange and frustrating for me (and my husband) because I don't really know from one day to the next how I am going to feel.

I can only suggest that if you find a particular style of clothing/lingerie you are happy with, concentrate on that and maybe progress to variations on a theme.

There must be a part of yourself that you are less self conscious about - highlight that.

Try using accessories to distract from any parts you are less happy with.

Hair and make up can sometimes help self confidence too.

(Mmmmm, think I should try following some of my own advice here lol)

I feel exactly the same !

So glad its not just me - the worst part of it being I just cannot explain it to myself let alone anyone else!!! It's extremely frustrating.

Xxxx

I'm feeling this too! Some days I think I am god's gift to humanity, others I feel like I should crawl back under my bridge and lurk in the shadows out of the way. In fact, I seem to sway between the two throughout the day. I work in retail and I often serve women who I think are bigger than me, but are buying clothes my size or smaller, and that really messes with my head.
So, I take photos. I might do my hair and makeup, put on something nice, or just pose naked and snap away. And while I never take a 'true' photo (a photo of what I really look like, without angles and filters), it does remind me that the potential is there. And the feeling I get when I take a good pic, and I look at myself and think wow, I try to remember that feeling.

Oh no , it's not just you lovingnewtoys , I reckon there's loads of us out there !
Sometimes I feel like I'm not too bad for my age and other times I can hardly bear to look in the mirror . I'd love to be more confident but I think I need constant reassurance that I'm attractive and unfortunately my hubby isn't one for showering me with compliments ,he seems to think that he only has to say it once and that should last at least a year lol xx

VioletWolf wrote:

I'm feeling this too! Some days I think I am god's gift to humanity, others I feel like I should crawl back under my bridge and lurk in the shadows out of the way. In fact, I seem to sway between the two throughout the day. I work in retail and I often serve women who I think are bigger than me, but are buying clothes my size or smaller, and that really messes with my head.
So, I take photos. I might do my hair and makeup, put on something nice, or just pose naked and snap away. And while I never take a 'true' photo (a photo of what I really look like, without angles and filters), it does remind me that the potential is there. And the feeling I get when I take a good pic, and I look at myself and think wow, I try to remember that feeling.

Wow - you go girl!!! Xxx

VioletWolf wrote:

I'm feeling this too! Some days I think I am god's gift to humanity, others I feel like I should crawl back under my bridge and lurk in the shadows out of the way. In fact, I seem to sway between the two throughout the day. I work in retail and I often serve women who I think are bigger than me, but are buying clothes my size or smaller, and that really messes with my head.
So, I take photos. I might do my hair and makeup, put on something nice, or just pose naked and snap away. And while I never take a 'true' photo (a photo of what I really look like, without angles and filters), it does remind me that the potential is there. And the feeling I get when I take a good pic, and I look at myself and think wow, I try to remember that feeling.

I think some of you ladies should go on the cat walk wearing dresses with us gents as the audience and we'll have our boards ready with 10s on.

There is nothing wrong with your bodies its all in your mind .

mysteron wrote:

VioletWolf wrote:

I'm feeling this too! Some days I think I am god's gift to humanity, others I feel like I should crawl back under my bridge and lurk in the shadows out of the way. In fact, I seem to sway between the two throughout the day. I work in retail and I often serve women who I think are bigger than me, but are buying clothes my size or smaller, and that really messes with my head.
So, I take photos. I might do my hair and makeup, put on something nice, or just pose naked and snap away. And while I never take a 'true' photo (a photo of what I really look like, without angles and filters), it does remind me that the potential is there. And the feeling I get when I take a good pic, and I look at myself and think wow, I try to remember that feeling.

I think some of you ladies should go on the cat walk wearing dresses with us gents as the audience and we'll have our boards ready with 10s on.

There is nothing wrong with your bodies its all in your mind .

You really are a sweetheart and a true gent - your lady is also very lucky.

Unfortunately the mind is very strong and when you are 'a certain age' and hormones join in the game it has a will of its own.

My husband is always telling me how sexy I am, he loves my legs and my bum especially, but he can tell me that some days till he is blue in the face and its not going to help. Other days I can look at my pictures and think, hey, not at all bad for a 47 year old lady whose body seems to be giving up bit by bit. Then I look at other peoples pics and think, who am I trying to kid? One vicsious circle.

Like I said, I never know how I am going to feel from one day to the next.

Xxxx