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  1. Confidence!?!

    1475722331
    Lil_Red_Kinkyboots [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
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    It's true confidence comes from your mindset. It's not about a body size it's about attitude. As some of you probably know by now I have been all sizes from a 20 to a 6. (Now a 6-8). I have lost confidence recently due to injury and not being able to work. (Resulting in job loss) so I've lost part of myself, which has nothing to do with my weight. I was more confident when I was bigger compared to a few weeks ago. It was just a case of putting on my big girl panties, accepting what has happened and knowing only I could make a difference to my confidence issues. Making more effort in my appearance, smiling (even if I wasn't smiling inside). I started to believe it and my confidence is much much better. Hubby is more attentive too 😊

    1475740027
    mysteron [sign in to see picture]
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    Smiling does play a part. A person with a smile or happy looking face will get noticed more than say someone with a sad face. A smiling face is also infectious which also helps and is statement of confidence .Body sizes or shape for me don,t come play a part as such apart from losing weight in my case from 18st 6 to 12st 6 does gave me plenty to smile about of which others have noticed.

    My problem is not to much lack of confidence as I have lots is probably my deep rooted shyness.whilst in a way I still like being admired or looked at by others it still makes me feel a bit nervous and uneasy .

    Shyness and lack of confidence do have similar traits IMO but totally differnt things .

    1475786235
    Modo [sign in to see picture]
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    Hello This is Mrs Modo. I am hoping someone else feels the same as me or can give me advice. I have a highly sexed Mr Modo and I am definately not the same since coming through the menopause. The mind is willing and then half an hour later the mood goes. Mr Modo says we should both have fun and not just him but to be honest I am not bothered about me and haven't been for some time. I know it disapoints him and he feels sad for me but I can't help the way I feel.

    Any thoughts or advice would be really appreciated.

    1475806443
    Lil_Red_Kinkyboots [sign in to see picture]
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    Oh dear I feel sorry for you. I haven't got where you are yet but I'm definitely peri menopausal but that seems to have given me a higher drive.
    The only thing I can suggest is that you get yours first as soon as you're in the mood even if it is a bit of solo play. Is it physical as well or is it just mentally? Or a bit of both? From what you've said I'm thinking it's probably mentally. I had a conversation with my mum about this not so long ago and she said at the beginning you feel a bit less of a woman but then that passes and you rejoice in the fact that pregnancy is no longer a concern and the horrid time of the month. If it doesn't improve over time though it might be worth a visit to your doctor or well woman clinic as they could probably help get your libido back. I know physically it can cause dryness down there and the tissue becomes thinner so you are more susceptible to soreness so make sure you always use lube. In the meantime enjoy lots of kisses and cuddles so you both get the intimacy. I suppose you've already thought of this but wear something that makes you feel sexy, get a new hairdo, perfume to give you the feel good factor as that will help with your mood.
    I can't think of anything else right now but I hope it gets better for you. 😘 The men have it easy don't they lol

    1475807187
    Lil_Red_Kinkyboots [sign in to see picture]
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    Yes you are right Mysteron shyness and confidence are two separate things. I am confident but I can be painfully shy particularly around unfamiliar people or circumstances. I try and disguise my shyness with confidence then but it doesn't always work especially if I am around dominating people. I am very lady like though and naturally submissive but I can still walk into somewhere new with my head held high. So yes I know what you mean 😊

    1475864842
    Modo [sign in to see picture]
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    Lil_Red_Kinkyboots wrote:

    Oh dear I feel sorry for you. I haven't got where you are yet but I'm definitely peri menopausal but that seems to have given me a higher drive.
    The only thing I can suggest is that you get yours first as soon as you're in the mood even if it is a bit of solo play. Is it physical as well or is it just mentally? Or a bit of both? From what you've said I'm thinking it's probably mentally. I had a conversation with my mum about this not so long ago and she said at the beginning you feel a bit less of a woman but then that passes and you rejoice in the fact that pregnancy is no longer a concern and the horrid time of the month. If it doesn't improve over time though it might be worth a visit to your doctor or well woman clinic as they could probably help get your libido back. I know physically it can cause dryness down there and the tissue becomes thinner so you are more susceptible to soreness so make sure you always use lube. In the meantime enjoy lots of kisses and cuddles so you both get the intimacy. I suppose you've already thought of this but wear something that makes you feel sexy, get a new hairdo, perfume to give you the feel good factor as that will help with your mood.
    I can't think of anything else right now but I hope it gets better for you. 😘 The men have it easy don't they lol

    Hello thank you for your reply. yes it is mental, it has made me feel less attractive as the hormones have contributed to me putting on weight round my middle. I actually had a chat with a close friend today and I think it has helped as I am going to try very hard to motivate myself to do more exercise and will persevere with my healthy eating diet. I will try wearing something sexy as Mr Modo has bought me a lot recently. I am trying to tell myself that if he finds me sexy why should I have doubts. Men certainly do have it easy! Bless them!

    1475871771
    mysteron [sign in to see picture]
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    Modo wrote:

    Lil_Red_Kinkyboots wrote:

    Oh dear I feel sorry for you. I haven't got where you are yet but I'm definitely peri menopausal but that seems to have given me a higher drive.
    The only thing I can suggest is that you get yours first as soon as you're in the mood even if it is a bit of solo play. Is it physical as well or is it just mentally? Or a bit of both? From what you've said I'm thinking it's probably mentally. I had a conversation with my mum about this not so long ago and she said at the beginning you feel a bit less of a woman but then that passes and you rejoice in the fact that pregnancy is no longer a concern and the horrid time of the month. If it doesn't improve over time though it might be worth a visit to your doctor or well woman clinic as they could probably help get your libido back. I know physically it can cause dryness down there and the tissue becomes thinner so you are more susceptible to soreness so make sure you always use lube. In the meantime enjoy lots of kisses and cuddles so you both get the intimacy. I suppose you've already thought of this but wear something that makes you feel sexy, get a new hairdo, perfume to give you the feel good factor as that will help with your mood.
    I can't think of anything else right now but I hope it gets better for you. 😘 The men have it easy don't they lol

    Hello thank you for your reply. yes it is mental, it has made me feel less attractive as the hormones have contributed to me putting on weight round my middle. I actually had a chat with a close friend today and I think it has helped as I am going to try very hard to motivate myself to do more exercise and will persevere with my healthy eating diet. I will try wearing something sexy as Mr Modo has bought me a lot recently. I am trying to tell myself that if he finds me sexy why should I have doubts. Men certainly do have it easy! Bless them!

    Well not quite . Men also have confidence problems as well but obviously not linked to the change as thats a woman problem but E D which is a man problem can also play its part in denting a guys comfidence in the bedroom.

    In my opinion both sexes can have confidence problems but perhaps linked to different things

    I am glad talking about it has helped you and very much welcome your suggestion about eating healthily and more E xcercise. Why not join us on the Get It Off Support Thread ?

    1475875534
    Modo [sign in to see picture]
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    mysteron wrote:

    Modo wrote:

    Lil_Red_Kinkyboots wrote:

    Oh dear I feel sorry for you. I haven't got where you are yet but I'm definitely peri menopausal but that seems to have given me a higher drive.
    The only thing I can suggest is that you get yours first as soon as you're in the mood even if it is a bit of solo play. Is it physical as well or is it just mentally? Or a bit of both? From what you've said I'm thinking it's probably mentally. I had a conversation with my mum about this not so long ago and she said at the beginning you feel a bit less of a woman but then that passes and you rejoice in the fact that pregnancy is no longer a concern and the horrid time of the month. If it doesn't improve over time though it might be worth a visit to your doctor or well woman clinic as they could probably help get your libido back. I know physically it can cause dryness down there and the tissue becomes thinner so you are more susceptible to soreness so make sure you always use lube. In the meantime enjoy lots of kisses and cuddles so you both get the intimacy. I suppose you've already thought of this but wear something that makes you feel sexy, get a new hairdo, perfume to give you the feel good factor as that will help with your mood.
    I can't think of anything else right now but I hope it gets better for you. 😘 The men have it easy don't they lol

    Hello thank you for your reply. yes it is mental, it has made me feel less attractive as the hormones have contributed to me putting on weight round my middle. I actually had a chat with a close friend today and I think it has helped as I am going to try very hard to motivate myself to do more exercise and will persevere with my healthy eating diet. I will try wearing something sexy as Mr Modo has bought me a lot recently. I am trying to tell myself that if he finds me sexy why should I have doubts. Men certainly do have it easy! Bless them!

    Well not quite . Men also have confidence problems as well but obviously not linked to the change as thats a woman problem but E D which is a man problem can also play its part in denting a guys comfidence in the bedroom.

    In my opinion both sexes can have confidence problems but perhaps linked to different things

    I am glad talking about it has helped you and very much welcome your suggestion about eating healthily and more E xcercise. Why not join us on the Get It Off Support Thread ?

    Yes sometimes us women do forget that men have their issues too. I think the menopause is so all consuming we forget to think outside the box. ED must be quite hard to deal with and as in my case needs both partners to be patient, sympathetic and understanding. If my husband was not understanding with me I would be struggling even more.

    As for healthy eating, I am on a low fat, low sugar diet. I did think this would make me crave certain foods but this is not the case. I may well join the support thread...thank you. I appear to be taking over Mr Modos postings.:)

    1484916084
    mysteron [sign in to see picture]
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    I thought I would place an update on here regarding my own experiences. Its been now nearly 12 months since I lost my curvacious tummy and most of my weight loss.

    My confidence prior to this has always been low and not dissimilar to the way some of you ladies feel .

    I have to say losing that weight and appreciating my own body has helped with my confidence issues no end . When we go out I tend to have a smug smile on my face , wear clingy clothes unless I am going really dressed up . I tend to go out as one would describe as being smart casual .I don't hide in corners like I used to do either

    I would still say I am still quite shy but if someone makes the first move I will happily chat to them whether it be male of female. But I am still not the type of person who would start a conversation .The shyness side of me is still deep rooted and is something perhaps I will never 100% overcome.

    Just to demonstrtate how my confidcence has come on, there was a small incident just prior to Christmas . The pub we go in was absolulely packed on Christmas Eve and I was returning from the gents along what I can best decribe a small channel with wall to wall people on each side. Coming in the opposite way was a really gorgouse lady . If this happened 12 months previously I would have given way and retreated all the way back to the start . This time I thought what the heck . We ended up having to negotiate around each other including her placing her legs inbetween mine so she could slide around and brush past me . She smiled at me as this happend and we had a laugh together about it after she passed, as it as it was just like a scene and Celebrity Get Me out of Here when 2 of them were passing each other on a very thin piece of platform suspended from a height.

    The best thing from my point of view is that I felt fine about it and didnt cower away as I would have done in the past.

    1485228135
    SmokingHotLove [sign in to see picture]
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    Mummymermaid you're an inspiration and I applaud you! I suffered from anorexia in my teens and size took ove my life! At 39 I am the biggest I have been at a 10/12, due to quitting smoking and simply enjoying food more than ever! When I look in the mirror I feel satisfied and see more than a size, but then I see a pic and I could cry! I hate how society makes woman especially feel like they need to be a certain size, height, hair colour etc. We are so critical of ourselves and like other posts our partners compliment us and genuinely love whatever shape we are! If all woman could just embrace and rock the skin we're in, the world would be a much happier place!

    Confidence shines through and if you feel fabulous, you'll look fabulous, full stop! You need to love yourself before anyone else can!

    1494420521
    mysteron [sign in to see picture]
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    Just wondering if anyone else has got over their shyness and how they went about it ?

    Its something I can't appear to get over . I appreciate its all inter connected with confidence of which I don't appear to have a big problem with now since my weightloss.

    1494432843
    MrsND [sign in to see picture]
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    I have loved reading this thread and just wish i could feel the same.
    I have been with my hubby for 10years, gone from a size 8 to a size 14 back down to a 10 and now back up to a 14. At a height of 4ft 11 i do not wear it well.
    My confidence is so low my hisband has very rarely seen me naked. I dont get changed or undressed infront of him or anything. Its rare he sees me in underwear apart if i am laid down. It does effect our relationship so deffinately want to get more confident but after 10years you would have thought i would be fine.

    1494435267
    *sexybabe* [sign in to see picture]
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    I think if you feel confident you embrace your size, whatever it is! I've not been running for a while and I know my thighs don't look good and I have cellulite, and my bum is getting fatter, but the thing is, I don't care! I'm happy in myself, flaws and all. That's not to say I think I'm perfect, I'm just content. My body keeps me alive, and I'm grateful for it.

    The media don't help - so I stopped reading newspapers and magazines! I'd never buy that rubbish now. I only read positive things and I switch off to anything negative. Women in particular get body shamed so much, who the hell are the media to decide if someone is too skinny or too fat?

    Mysteron - I used to be riddled with phobias and anxiety, and I saw a life coach. She helped me immensely! We used mind control techniques like The Sedona Method and hypnosis. It helped me so much. Meditation also helps, and ditch the caffeine! If you're shy it'll just make you feel more anxious and self aware. Relaxation does wonders!

    1494470753
    mysteron [sign in to see picture]
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    *sexybabe* wrote:

    I think if you feel confident you embrace your size, whatever it is! I've not been running for a while and I know my thighs don't look good and I have cellulite, and my bum is getting fatter, but the thing is, I don't care! I'm happy in myself, flaws and all. That's not to say I think I'm perfect, I'm just content. My body keeps me alive, and I'm grateful for it.

    The media don't help - so I stopped reading newspapers and magazines! I'd never buy that rubbish now. I only read positive things and I switch off to anything negative. Women in particular get body shamed so much, who the hell are the media to decide if someone is too skinny or too fat?

    Mysteron - I used to be riddled with phobias and anxiety, and I saw a life coach. She helped me immensely! We used mind control techniques like The Sedona Method and hypnosis. It helped me so much. Meditation also helps, and ditch the caffeine! If you're shy it'll just make you feel more anxious and self aware. Relaxation does wonders!

    I suppose I could always try Yoga .

    Or the other extreme bite the bullet and go to say a nudist beach .That would blow away some of my shyness.

    1494488907
    *sexybabe* [sign in to see picture]
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    Sometimes that sort of thing can work; it can be used to treat phobias. You put yourself in the very situation you're afraid of, and the fear starts to diminish. Usually our anxiety about a situation is worse than the situation itself.

    That isn't suitable for everyone though and it depends on the situation! But it could help.

    Mindfulness and meditation is great; and there are some confidence boosting guided meditations available for free on You Tube. Paul McKenna does a hypnosis CD too for supreme self-confidence. Definitely worth a try! They worked for me 😁

    1494533858
    Lu SB [sign in to see picture]
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    I think being confident is such a large spectrum. I am very confident as a woman and I'm so proud of that because I struggled a lot in the past to fit in the standards of being slim and looking perfect. There's no such a thing! When I achieved that I"perfection" , I was so unhappy. No wonder why: I was always hungry, moody and had no energy for anything. My life revolved around food and exercise and feeling guilty when I went on a binge. I wasn't happy at all even when everyone kept saying I looked great.

    The thing is I'm petite and when I looked at a picture of myself I got horrified as I was so slim that my head looked massive. That was when I figured out that something was wrong and also the fact that I wanted to be a good role model for my daughter.

    So now I'm older and I totally embrace my curves (God they are great, I love my bum and my legs and my waist and I'm very happy with my size 10). But this confidence is not about how I look, but how I feel, this comes from inside and I think other people feel that and this is something that takes practice, you've had to believe and feel beautiful and others you feel the same.

    Having said all of that, I'm not confident of being a mum, to be honest I feel like a failure most of the time specially now my daughter is a teenager and I feel everything I thought I knew, I don't. I'm not very confident in my profession because I kind of gave up my career to raise a family and it's so damn hard get it back now.

    But I smile, put a brave face on and take one day at the time. There's no way I'm gonna let myself turn into a miserable person and push everyone away. That's not me. And by the way this forum helps a lot with all of you nice people around.

    1494538121
    *sexybabe* [sign in to see picture]
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    Lu SB, I take my hat off to anyone who raises a child! I don't have children (I have dogs!) but I imagine it is such hard work. My OH has two daughters and I remember them hitting their teens, it was hard work!! And he felt like he didn't know what to do for the best. Everything changed once they got to 12/13, but they grew up fast and became the most lovely people.

    Be proud of yourself for being a mum and having a career - particularly when you gave it up for your children then had to get back into it and not fall behind, talk about pressure! Anyone who can combine parenthood with a career to me is godlike!! And no one gets it right all the time.

    One thing I'm delighted about is that you're now happy with your body and you're confident in other ways. Confidence is so important ❤️❤️

    1494545796
    Bunnieshole [sign in to see picture]
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    Beauty is in the eye of the beholder therefore we should only judge those we wish to love. I hate negitivity as long as the person feels they are sexy there is only one other opinion that matters and that is their lovers!

    1504008440
    mysteron [sign in to see picture]
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    Confidence can also be very fragile as I am finding out. I am now having to ty and instill some confidence into my Mrs. On Sunday night at a late Cabaret Bar my Mrs was approached by another woman whilst I was visiting the Gents. In a nutshell she was saying that my Mrs wasnt good enough for me and she was punching way above her league. I have never seen this woman before, after my upset Mrs pointed her out.Our relationship is nothing to do with her and I always thought it was up to me who I chose and not somebody else! I am guessing her Modus Operandi here was to try and drive a wedge between me and my Mrs. I cant believe some women are so sneaky,manipulative and catty and would stoop so low .Whats wrong with attracting a single guy after all there is enough of them ?

    Any way her little scheme didnt work and myself and another girl who had just split up from her OH ended up cheering each other up, after such an ordeal . It just spoiled my night as well as I was playing relationship counsellor for part of the early hours of the morning as well as sipporting my Mrs.

    It just shows that one single negative comment or remark can seriously undermine some peoples confidence.Even on a forum something badly worded could also have this affect even if there isnt any intention. Thats why we need to be careful on how we word things sometimes and be prepared to apologise if something is taken the wrong way .

    1504011665
    Lu SB [sign in to see picture]
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    mysteron wrote:

    Confidence can also be very fragile as I am finding out. I am now having to ty and instill some confidence into my Mrs. On Sunday night at a late Cabaret Bar my Mrs was approached by another woman whilst I was visiting the Gents. In a nutshell she was saying that my Mrs wasnt good enough for me and she was punching way above her league. I have never seen this woman before, after my upset Mrs pointed her out.Our relationship is nothing to do with her and I always thought it was up to me who I chose and not somebody else! I am guessing her Modus Operandi here was to try and drive a wedge between me and my Mrs. I cant believe some women are so sneaky,manipulative and catty and would stoop so low .Whats wrong with attracting a single guy after all there is enough of them ?

    Any way her little scheme didnt work and myself and another girl who had just split up from her OH ended up cheering each other up, after such an ordeal . It just spoiled my night as well as I was playing relationship counsellor for part of the early hours of the morning as well as sipporting my Mrs.

    It just shows that one single negative comment or remark can seriously undermine some peoples confidence.Even on a forum something badly worded could also have this affect even if there isnt any intention. Thats why we need to be careful on how we word things sometimes and be prepared to apologise if something is taken the wrong way .

    I understand what you mean Mysteron. Personally something like that would upset me, not only for the negative comment, but mainly for the fact that, God , there're mean women (people) out there. Why someone would do such a thing - maybe it's because they feel like rubbish and by attacking other people they feel less horrible about themselves?!

    About the confidence bit, I'd feel upset for a bit, but on my own time I'd work it out and move on, but that would take a couple of days I guess. But my first rerction would be having my confidence knocked down a bit.

    Second the fact that apologies are necessary sometimes. As a foreign, sometimes my cultural background puts me in tricky situations and that happens, I'm always ready to spologise, don't want upset anyone that doesn't deserve it.

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