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  1. Forum Fun! Competition- Funny Stories 😆

    1501924986
    Lu SB [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major General
    • Posts: 643
    • Joined: 4 Mar 2017

    Scorpius12 wrote:

    Before we were married, I used to sleep over at Mr Scorpius’s parents’ house on the weekends. One evening we were having some fun, Mr Scorpius tied me up to the headboard using a couple of his work ties. Whilst in the throes of passion, I managed to pull just a bit too hard and the whole bedhead completely collapsed making a horrendous crashing noise. Suffice to say the whole family came rushing upstairs to see what on earth had happened!

    Poor Mr Scorpius was frantically trying to untie me but the knots had gone very tight (this was before the luxury of velcro cuffs or buckles!), whilst they were knocking on the door asking “is everything ok in there?” “We’re fine thanks, just dropped a glass of water!” he replied, but they still kept on knocking and insisting to see if we were ok. Amongst the giggling, he eventually managed to get me free, grab some clothes for us, deliberately spill some water and let them in. To say they were suspicious of our flustered appearance was an understatement…

    This is hilarious! The laugh for me it's when you look at people's face and clearly see they're not falling for it, but what can they do? Just pretend they believe - so yeah funny!

    1501926026
    Lu SB [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major General
    • Posts: 643
    • Joined: 4 Mar 2017

    One that always makes me laugh when I remember ,happened about 10-11 years ago, when my daughter was just under 3.

    Me and my hubby where enjoying a love-making session when we heard a little noise and there was my daughter, quietly (not that quiet as we heard her), watching us and asking if she could come to bed with us because she had had a bad dream. Ok then, we had a fright, he quickly put his pjs bottoms back on and went back to sleep with her on my side, as he had a hard on still.

    Next day, he was on the phone trying to make an appointment with the guy from the bank, when she started to cry asking if he was gonna die. Where that came from? You see she was worried he was trying to phone the doctor to check if his willy was poorly as it was too big and "pointy" the night before and that was really scary. We had to stop ourselves from bursting out laughing (you don't make fun of your child's genuine concerns!), but we couldn't control the giggles. Children's imagination never ceases to amaze me.

    1501926104
    FlorenceRouRou [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major General
    • Posts: 16
    • Joined: 23 Jan 2013

    The funniest thing that was ever said to me in bed :

    Had been discussing with a partner about using sexy/dirty talk in bed and he agreed to try it next time. Fast forward to the next time and he's remained fairly quiet so I figure that he's probably not comfortable with it and that's that. I get on top of him, grinding away and getting close when he suddenly says, 'yeah, ride the cock train to orgasm town'. Couldn't contain my laughter, rolled off him onto the floor in hysterics. Thankfully he was laughing too :'D

    1501932070
    everydayisaschoolday [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant Colonel
    • Posts: 9
    • Joined: 27 Dec 2015

    When ever my wife does a Kitty cough, I will wait till we finish and then say "i love the smell of queef in the morning" as a homage to Patches O'Houlihan from the film Dodgeball it mostly gets a laugh... mostly

    1501935587
    *sexybabe* [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 872
    • Joined: 14 Aug 2012

    I love this thread! Thanks for sharing everyone, I'm giggling away at these stories! 😂

    1501948410
    Heidi920 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 1152
    • Joined: 17 May 2011

    Lu SB wrote:

    One that always makes me laugh when I remember ,happened about 10-11 years ago, when my daughter was just under 3.

    Me and my hubby where enjoying a love-making session when we heard a little noise and there was my daughter, quietly (not that quiet as we heard her), watching us and asking if she could come to bed with us because she had had a bad dream. Ok then, we had a fright, he quickly put his pjs bottoms back on and went back to sleep with her on my side, as he had a hard on still.

    Next day, he was on the phone trying to make an appointment with the guy from the bank, when she started to cry asking if he was gonna die. Where that came from? You see she was worried he was trying to phone the doctor to check if his willy was poorly as it was too big and "pointy" the night before and that was really scary. We had to stop ourselves from bursting out laughing (you don't make fun of your child's genuine concerns!), but we couldn't control the giggles. Children's imagination never ceases to amaze me.

    🤣 bless her, children come out with the most amusing things!
    1501955710
    BeckyAnn [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Captain
    • Posts: 2
    • Joined: 28 Jul 2016

    I originally was just going to retell a story from a few days ago when my boyfriend did the "llama noise" on me during oral. He does it to me sometimes where he pulls open his lips with his fingers and then makes this tongue flicking shriek. Like a llama. It makes me laugh normally let alone when done on my genitals. However, I just remembered something that made me laugh so much OMG!! This is something I did to my boyfriend a few months back so I guess the previous story was probably an action taken in revenge.

    For context I enjoy things a little rougher, very into domination and bondage. I've been trying to encourage my boyfriend to experiment with getting into a more dominant headspace as he can be a little timid when it comes to anything BDSM.

    One tactic I thought would be a good idea was to start goading him mid-sex. Typical stuff like "is that all you can do?" "Is that as hard as you can f*** me?" A bit of roleplay really to get us in the mood and actually this seemed to be going great. I was definitely getting a response from it. I was indeed getting f***ed harder. And then I remember with clarity the words I decided would spur him on even more. He's going at it, fists full of my hair, and I remember staring him straight in the eye and hissing with sexually charged venom, "I'm glad Trump won."

    In all honesty, I don't really care who won. But let me tell you now, with the reaction those words warranted I've never been so grateful a tangerine is the President of the United States.

    1501961733
    LR2017 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Brigadier
    • Posts: 129
    • Joined: 3 Apr 2017

    Mr LR here:

    Before telling the story, a little background: we have put a new lock on the door of the house that has a chain of security. I know this does not sound like much fun, but keep reading ...

    We were working hard to prepare our review of Sexploration Couple's Sex Toy Kit that Leanne had sent us (Thanks Leanne) and we were testing the nipple clamps that included the kit. These clamps are joined by a chain.

    I was enjoying them and I asked Mrs LR to pull the chain so that the sensation of the pressure of the clamps was joined by the sensation of pulling the chain. So, Mrs LR starts to pull the chain and I enjoyed more and more. When suddenly Mrs LR says "mmm ... This Lovehoney chain is heavy and looks good ... maybe we could change it for the one in the new door lock ...". I could only burst out laughing.

    So, you know, if you want to have your house safe, use Lovehoney's chains and bondage elements. The best quality, the best price guaranteed.

    1501965470
    VioletWolf [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 1198
    • Joined: 25 Jun 2014

    I think my favourite was having sex with a partner and me giggling away remembering something that happened to another couple and then acting it out. It goes as such:
    Friend told us about the time he and his Danish girlfriend were getting it on and she shouted out 'ooh [name] you so good! You do it like pornstar!'
    So during sex with my partner I donned the accent (terribly, which just added to the whole thing) and said it to him between my giggles. He was both mortified and amused by the whole thing while I laughed him out of me 🙊

    1501979818
    RosyCheek [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 2607
    • Joined: 11 Apr 2016

    I had just ventured into the world of sex after splitting with my first boyfriend. I have always been naive when it came to sex. I didn't watch porn or really know much except for what me and my boyfriend had done.

    I had started seeing this guy. Whilst doing the deed he came out with "who's your daddy?" I was a bit thrown by this. Apparently telling him my father's name was not what he was after. We laughed a heck of a lot and had to stop.

    Still hilarious yet embarrassing all at once.

    1502025251
    MondaySixteenth [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 472
    • Joined: 20 Jun 2014

    In terms of someone else, a fwb said to me "can I say something that im not sure I'll get another chance to say?" and I was like yeah sure. He said "you are actually as wet as an otters pocket"
    (I get very wet :P)

    Last time I was at my primary guys place I was giving him a blow job and then I stopped and said "omg I've finally worked out why my face hurt yesterday!" he asked why and I said "....Ive been sucking too much dick. My face aches" :P

    1502074768
    Kirsty92 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major General
    • Posts: 713
    • Joined: 25 Aug 2015

    When me & the Mr started out we got a bit full on in the living room and well tattoo fixers was on and all I heard was "well that's a weird place to have it you actually have a cock up your arse!" it was so random I burst out laughing and couldn't stop. luckily my boyfriend found it funny too but once one of us stopped the other set us off again.

    1502099912
    stephiski [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 249
    • Joined: 10 Jan 2015

    Me and my partner have a variety of things we enjoy in the bedroom and the last time we were properly intimate with each other i was restrained to the bed and he had spent hours teasing parts of my body. Knowing i squirt but also gush depending on how its built up leading to that moment he tightened the restraints i had loosened over the hours and he started to go down on me.

    See that is something i get anxiety over regularly whenever i even just think of it because an ex told me it wasnt for him yet i knew it was something he enjoyed so i felt there was something wrong for me.

    So there he was doing what he was doing and then what happened happened. Pulled at my restraints as i felt the release and he couldnt move his head in time and he started choking.

    His own words" **** niagra falls"

    We have to dicsuss things regular so i dont start getting too into my own head because of his health issues atm, and every time we discuss things we possibly could do wothout causing him pain he just gives me the look and says he needs to work out how to not have it fuel injected into his lungs before we try again.

    So until he stops doing all the right things or we get bored which i can never see happenening i wont ever live down the niagra falls moment, well he wont ever let me live it down.

    1502100673
    Mr&MrsA75 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 232
    • Joined: 14 Jan 2012

    My husband is an ex squaddie and we've been together many years, since he first joined up. And being squaddies they tend to come up with daft challenges for each other, like 'see who can say XXXXX next time they are with a bird' etc etc So this particular one was to shout 'Take it to the limit' mid bang, which my husband (then boyfriend) did and with passion I might add! What he wasn't expecting was my lightening quick response of 'theres no limit' moaned in the style of the awesome 2 Unlimited tune from the 90's He fell about laughing and actually stopped to phone one of the lads to tell them - who then told the rest of them in the block and I became a bit of a legend after that

    1502150029
    captainmeow [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major General
    • Posts: 615
    • Joined: 18 Sep 2016

    We had never gone at it in my flat before, and this night we decided to try out my bed. We got the Tango out for a little added fun and soon got to the main event. One thing we hadn't accounted for - the bed was impossibly squeaky and was practically playing a tune as we went at it. It would all have been fine except that I have paper thin walls and that same night, my flatmates had decided they wanted to be traipsing around the flat all night, walking past my room to the common area.

    We didn't particularly want to stop anything, so we silently decided to take things as quietly as possible, and whenever we heard someone coming we would go slower.

    Suddenly my boyfriend grabbed my boob and just froze. My flatmates were standing right outside my door chatting. My bf was holding the Tango with his other hand, and trying to stabilize himself, plopped that hand right next to my face. So there we were, him on top, boob in hand, Tango vibrating away next to my face while we stared at the door.

    I caught his eye, we realised how entirely absurd we looked and collapsed to the bed laughing and in tears. We were in giggles the rest of the night and never tried doing anything on that bed again.

    1502182205
    Sinfully Sam [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Brigadier
    • Posts: 44
    • Joined: 21 Nov 2012

    Around January, about seven months into sleeping together and two months into an official relationship, my boyfriend and I were fooling around on my bed. We'd left our condoms at his house, as honestly we very rarely stayed at mine. As irresponsible as it sounds now, we were young and in love, and the inevitable happened. My judgement was clouded by lust, as was his - clearly! - and one thing led to another. Soon, we were having unprotected sex. We were both tested and cleared before our relationship, so pregnancy was the only real risk, but it was still not something we were up for doing just yet. I know, I know, I've lectured myself a million times over it, but, thinking back, I can't help but giggle at what happened next.

    "You know, we should probably think about getting some kind of hormonal contraception."

    Yup, right in the middle of sex, still thrusting, my boyfriend stated what can only be described as the obvious. He then, still moving at an impressive speed, started listing the different types, the pros, the cons, and we ended up having a full-length conversation discussing pretty much every kind of birth control on the market. I'm not kidding, this was an actual discussion, and it lasted the entire time. It was very reminiscent of those scenes from Love Actually, where the couple doing porn just discuss their day and make small talk during filming. It's comical now.

    I got the implant a month later, and we've been having discussion-free sex ever since!

    1502183535
    Lovehoney - Leanne [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 2271
    • Joined: 9 Oct 2014

    Competiton has ended! 

    Thanks for all the entries :) 

    Winner of the bundle will be announced later today, and if you hadn't yet seen the new launch is Broad City... 

    https://www.lovehoney.co.uk/brands/broad-city/

    1502184420
    Boox [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 229
    • Joined: 8 Sep 2015

    Good luck everyone the broad city range is amazing!

    1502184528
    Sinfully Sam [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Brigadier
    • Posts: 44
    • Joined: 21 Nov 2012

    Good luck guys

    And oh my gosh, those toys - those colours! I've added a few to my personal wishlists already!

    1502186672
    Couple looking to spice things up [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 3373
    • Joined: 22 Jul 2015

    Good luck to all you wonderful people x

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