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  1. [ATTN] FORUM RULES: Body-shaming / Cyberbullying

    1499085953
    Lovehoney - Jess Wilde [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 2083
    • Joined: 30 Nov 2012

    Hey everyone

    I see a few of you have been busy this weekend breaking the rules! 

    Mostly the culprits have been new members which we can forgive a little. After all, we all make mistakes...

    BUT

    This weekend, a few well-established members seem to have forgotten how we conduct ourselves around here, so I figured it was time for a reminder. 

    This is a clear and strong reminder that Lovehoney DO NOT tolerate personal attacks, inflammatory behaviour or cyberbullying. 

    This includes:

    - Body-shaming

    - Kink-shaming

    - Mob mentality / trying to rally people against (an)other member(s)

    When a rule is broken, we (Leanne and I) try to give the benefit of the doubt and provide three warnings before permanently suspending anyone.

    Having said this we reserve the right to permanently remove any member at any time without warning.

    If I see anything which even closely resembles bullying, shaming or cruelty on this forum, you will be permanently suspended immediately without warning. 

    This post is your warning. 

    We are an adut forum, so let's try to act like adults, eh? 

    If you see any one else breaking the rules, please use the report function to bring it to a staff member's attention. 

    Please feel free to let the original poster that their thread / photo breaks the rules. If you choose to do this, please also guide them to where they can read the rules. 

    If someone else has already commented on the thread, just report, and step away. There is no need to repeat what others have already said. 

    Thank you. 

    1499086468
    SquirtyPanda [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 1630
    • Joined: 18 Oct 2015

    Thanks for this thread Jess. I reported the bullying behavior, I wasn't having it. I am still seething from the comments tbh. I also could NOT understand why 10+ people felt the need to repeat about the rules? Alienation does not belong here.

    I understand the OP was showing off his privates which is against the rules however that is NOT an invitation to critisize the size of it, like they were all perfect themselves. Let alone create a whole thread telling people to not talk to the OP - what the hell ????

    Rant over and thank goodness the LH team handled this appropriately 👌

    🐼







    1499088168
    MondaySixteenth [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 472
    • Joined: 20 Jun 2014

    I'm not sure what I missed but I'm glad the rules have been reiterated as a fat girl into some non-convential stuff.

    Body and kink shaming are for losers!

    1499089436
    RosyCheek [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 2512
    • Joined: 11 Apr 2016

    What a shame that warnings have to be given to grown ups.

    All you moderators do a super job here in the community. It can't be easy.

    1499090699
    NaughtyNerd [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 1123
    • Joined: 16 Aug 2016

    SquirtyPanda. Apologies for my thread being taken out of context, i could have chosen my wording better.
    My intention wasntasking for people not to talk to the OP, i was wanting to stop people pointing fault for the same reason as you that i thought this was unnecessary.

    To be honest I'm horrified and quite upset that this has been reported as bullying and that i have been given warning for personal attack when it was nothing of the sort.

    I don't want a response on this i just want to explain what my intentions where.

    1499092114
    honeybun91 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 733
    • Joined: 5 Mar 2016

    At least the rules have been reinforced now and just shows how important it is for all members to read the rules before making a thread or posting a reply In the first place! Hopefully everyone can move on and forward from here!

    1499098180
    Tiger Dick [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 1297
    • Joined: 9 Nov 2016

    An honest question that perhaps many will feel merits answering, since NN's post was I believe delivered in the spirits she herself explained, and am gutted for her to have been warned for her response.

    HOW should we go about reporting this type of incident AND let others know that it has been reported?

    How does the thread get reported? Does the first person call/contact the live chat and reply REPORTED in the offending thread?

    Most regular posters here do so because it is a board that has shared values that inspite of the industry we believe in LH and its attempt to clean up the industry and improve its image. We are happy to do our bit for LH on this.

    My own personal POV is that LH itself, has contributed in part to the problem, and there maybe a culture of people creating kudos in their own communities for breaking the rules on photographs by abusing the AVI image uploading facility, knowing no action is hppening until Monday...

    For all its faults, when the AVI system was down, the number of photos getting through were small, and usually through being missed by LH itself, these days LH is putting a lot of faith in people obeying the rules, when quite clearly they either ignore them, or through not having read them first to begin with.

    We want to protect what we have here LH, but please help us help you by doing your bit also.

    1499099538
    Sxleksaker [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 3606
    • Joined: 29 Feb 2016

    I don't know if I will get in trouble for saying this but I just think that the thread created by NN has been misunderstood. In my opinion, it's clear that she only wanted to protect people from seeing nudity which these people hasn't consented to, which I think is right.

    Of course it's not okay to body shame people like some comments did. I just believe that her thread ONLY had good intentions and she's one of the people I believe never could internet bully someone. She's one of the sweetest and most helpful people on LH and I know she didn't have any bad intentions at all, only good ones.

    Just my two cents!

    1499100204
    LR2017 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant Colonel
    • Posts: 81
    • Joined: 3 Apr 2017

    Sxleksaker wrote:

    I don't know if I will get in trouble for saying this but I just think that the thread created by NN has been misunderstood. In my opinion, it's clear that she only wanted to protect people from seeing nudity which these people hasn't consented to, which I think is right.

    Of course it's not okay to body shame people like some comments did. I just believe that her thread ONLY had good intentions and she's one of the people I believe never could internet bully someone. She's one of the sweetest and most helpful people on LH and I know she didn't have any bad intentions at all, only good ones.

    Just my two cents!

    +1
    1499101461
    SquirtyPanda [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 1630
    • Joined: 18 Oct 2015

    Point still stands, it isn't appropriate to create a whole thread about a fellow member, that is alienation. Could have just ignored it like I did. Plus you only saw his penis IF you clicked on the thread itself and/or his profile. If it bothers you that much just dont look at the thread and/or profile, until it is removed.

    I hope the guy hasn't been put off coming here altogether now.


    🐼

    1499103698
    Browncoats [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 962
    • Joined: 5 Dec 2016

    I'm absolutely mortified that what I said about not commenting on the original thread could have come across as any kind of bullying 😢 I would never intentionally upset or hurt anyone I've been through enough of that myself. I don't remember what I posted but I just wanted to say that I agreed it was best not to keep saying the same thing. However clearly I was involved in the post and can only apologise for my involvement.

    1499103891
    Pinky2105 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 1392
    • Joined: 13 Mar 2017

    SquirtyPanda wrote:

    Point still stands, it isn't appropriate to create a whole thread about a fellow member, that is alienation. Could have just ignored it like I did. Plus you only saw his penis IF you clicked on the thread itself and/or his profile. If it bothers you that much just dont look at the thread and/or profile, until it is removed.

    I hope the guy hasn't been put off coming here altogether now.


    🐼

    + 1

    1499104034
    NaughtyNerd [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 1123
    • Joined: 16 Aug 2016

    I'm not disagreeing with your point SP.
    I just wanted apologies and show some empathy acknowledge that it could have been worded better.

    To be told on an email i am guilty of a personal attack on someone and inflammatory behaviour has made me feel like a horrible shitty person when my crime was trying to stop someone repeatedly being told they'd done wrong and to try prevent someone else seeing a picture of a naked man when they hadn't given consent to see such an image.

    I'm a not saying anyone is wrong in their opinion just trying to explain the intent. I was attempting to show empathy to both the OP and other forum member.

    1499105655
    honeybun91 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 733
    • Joined: 5 Mar 2016

    Overall if the original poster had of read the rules when they signed up to this website none of this would have happened!

    None of the other posters were aiming to offend- more offensive of the original poster who by the sound of it disregarded the rules and posted an inappropriate picture on a public website 🤷‍♀️

    Hopefully he can read the rules properly and come back again...

    1499109617
    mamz [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 1807
    • Joined: 4 Jan 2016

    I have no ide what happened because I am not as active on here as i used to be (i still keep the forum always opened on my computer though). From what I read on this thread it was an misunderstanding, but things like that happen, and bullying also happened in other occasions I am sure. So thanks for this thread jess, thanks for making this place a safe place. I guess I also agree with tiger dick here. A part of the problem is that there is no moderation on the weekend. Of course, we can't ask you to work overtime on the weekend, but I think that lovehoney should find a way to fix this, be it allowing customer care to moderate the forum on the weekend or something.

    All systems have flaws so thanks to you Leanne and Jess for having us at heart and trying to make the forum the safest place you can.

    1499109913
    Terri JJ [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 11561
    • Joined: 20 Aug 2014

    mamz wrote:

    I have no ide what happened because I am not as active on here as i used to be (i still keep the forum always opened on my computer though). From what I read on this thread it was an misunderstanding, but things like that happen, and bullying also happened in other occasions I am sure. So thanks for this thread jess, thanks for making this place a safe place. I guess I also agree with tiger dick here. A part of the problem is that there is no moderation on the weekend. Of course, we can't ask you to work overtime on the weekend, but I think that lovehoney should find a way to fix this, be it allowing customer care to moderate the forum on the weekend or something.

    All systems have flaws so thanks to you Leanne and Jess for having us at heart and trying to make the forum the safest place you can.

    Agree strongly with Mamz. Jess and Leanne both deserve medals for keeping us all safe. Moderating on here, I imagine, can be difficult at times xx

    1499110448
    Tiger Dick [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 1297
    • Joined: 9 Nov 2016

    Terri JJ wrote:

    mamz wrote:

    I have no ide what happened because I am not as active on here as i used to be (i still keep the forum always opened on my computer though). From what I read on this thread it was an misunderstanding, but things like that happen, and bullying also happened in other occasions I am sure. So thanks for this thread jess, thanks for making this place a safe place. I guess I also agree with tiger dick here. A part of the problem is that there is no moderation on the weekend. Of course, we can't ask you to work overtime on the weekend, but I think that lovehoney should find a way to fix this, be it allowing customer care to moderate the forum on the weekend or something.

    All systems have flaws so thanks to you Leanne and Jess for having us at heart and trying to make the forum the safest place you can.

    Agree strongly with Mamz. Jess and Leanne both deserve medals for keeping us all safe. Moderating on here, I imagine, can be difficult at times xx

    +1

    It really is begging for a moderators button that allows them to switch off uploading AVI's . automatically. Seldom will it be as straight forward as that I know, but really hoping for once it could be.

    1499118303
    mysteron [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 7139
    • Joined: 7 Jan 2014

    I have raised this point about moderation at weekend's before but get the same answer that moderation is adequate .I think that I agree with that 99% of the time. Leanne to her credit does moderate the forum when she can at weekend's as well but we have to remember she does have her own life to lead as well. I beleive she is currently on holiday so I wouldn't expect her to moderate. It's time like these that perhaps a none LH person should be given powers to moderate at times like this to keep the continuity.

    I agree whole heartedly with Jess about ganging up on another member .I too was a victim of this some years ago on here and it was me and support from 2 others versus around 20 other members.It isn't pleasant beleive you me and I am thick skinned. Sometimes we can forget that its another human being at the other end .

    1499119928
    VioletWolf [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 1197
    • Joined: 25 Jun 2014

    The OP screwed up, we know. He was also looking for a hookup, albeit not through this site, but we see these kinds of things every weekend when the community isn't moderated. He hasn't read the rules, misinterpreted what the community here is for, and as a result we've ended up with a dozen members calling him out for his avi. If we give him the benefit of the doubt, then it was excessive for so many people to chastise him, but I agree with why. The pic itself - for example, if I get a warning for showing the slightest bit of areola, which understandably not everybody wants to see, then you can be damn sure he should be receiving the same for showing off his penis, rookie mistake or not.
    I didn't see NN's thread, but I know her well enough to know that it won't have been intended as a personal attack, and I do think it unfair that she has been called out on it. It's an awful feeling being accused of something when all you've done is try to help, especially as there were no mods to oversee. I open most threads when I'm browsing the forums, last thing I want is to open one and be greeted by some unsolicited penis that I absolutely did not sign up to see - get enough of that on social media!

    As it is, I think the best way forward for all of us now is to accept we have different opinions on this and draw a line under it. Because come on, we have a community here, we're friends. Just be kind.

    1499120386
    mysteron [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 7139
    • Joined: 7 Jan 2014

    Which all goes back to my point. If moderator cover had been arranged this weekend then none of this would have happened. The avi picture could have been removed ,perhaps with a gentle reminder and no one would be any the wiser .

    Thread closed

    This thread is closed, so no new messages can be posted.