• Caption Competition! Forum Fun.

    1491585226
    Devoted Husband [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major
    • Posts: 69
    • Joined: 8 Jul 2016

    Do you have any other toys? I was hoping for a long double ended Dildo. She keeps telling me that I am so distant at times. That way, we can be far apart and still be joined together. I'm sure it will be the solution to this long distance relationship thingy.

    I like the idea of that, I'm sure I have just the right toy for you...

    1491588597
    captainmeow [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major General
    • Posts: 603
    • Joined: 18 Sep 2016

    Hoare: None of these are good enough man, I told her my donger was this big!

    Wainwright: Good luck keeping her around!

    1491589506
    *sexybabe* [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 755
    • Joined: 14 Aug 2012

    "So I was telling her it was huge, like massive, and then......

    wait, that black dildo just wink at me?"

    1491593133
    m4t1n [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 3000
    • Joined: 28 Jan 2016

    - "I caught a fish and it was thissss big" !

    - "Yeah right, dude" !!! :-)

    1491594525
    Modo [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major General
    • Posts: 633
    • Joined: 20 May 2015

    I am telling you it was this big.

    Thank god for antibiotics.

    1491596467
    Throbinhood [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 1717
    • Joined: 15 May 2016

    I tried to attempt spooning in "bath" butt was only this wide!

    1491602121
    AmyBalor77 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
    • Posts: 17
    • Joined: 1 Apr 2017

    "did you hear about the toy love honey has introduced?",

    "no what is it".?

    "its a 13inch realistic squirting invisible dildo".

    "really?"

    "yeah you'll never see it coming."

    1491604903
    Reg90 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Brigadier
    • Posts: 505
    • Joined: 28 Jul 2015

    I unpacked my bag and got out my best LH dildos, she looked me up and down and said " that's nothing... Wait until you see my stash... My best one is this big!".

    1491616627
    Steen16 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major
    • Posts: 6
    • Joined: 10 Feb 2017

    So I said to her "You mean to tell me you can use all of these at the same time....even the mug?!"

    1491620603
    SmokingHotLove [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Brigadier
    • Posts: 177
    • Joined: 26 Apr 2015

    Hoare "Pffftttt.... total cheek!"

    Wainwright " Why, because she likes toys?"

    Hoare" NO - That she likes toys and I'm hung like a donkey! No joke mate... Mines this big! Like huge"

    Wainwright "Alrighty then! I'm assuming you're a grower from our urinal love-ins"

    1491628426
    Tiger Dick [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 1177
    • Joined: 9 Nov 2016

    "I'm not uncrossing my arms until Easter's over, I've died for you sinners once before.....And you lot here are sinners right"

    "Oh Jesus, so how about an Easter Love-egg this big..."

    1491633855
    Fun Louise [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 6237
    • Joined: 30 Mar 2015

    Wainwright "so what's the shortest sex has lasted for you"

    Hoare "this long"

    Wainwright "I don't even know what to say to that."

    1491639626
    Tallish Darkish & Average [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 1705
    • Joined: 24 Oct 2012

    Hey, look at this! It's a prototype that Lovehoney are working on together with Bristol Zoo's breeding programme. Apparently, some animals aren't getting T on enough so Lovehoney are stepping in to help.

    This is an invisible, elephant ball stretcher - obviously it has to be invisible so as not to shock the public but. Look.

    *visual gag alert*

    Makes a great Hula Hoop too!

    1491640220
    etc28 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Brigadier
    • Posts: 92
    • Joined: 10 Jun 2009

    What advice do you have for someone buying their first sex toy from Lovehoney?

    David: If you're buying a dildo always think long and hard!

    1491640650
    Alwaysonmymind [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major
    • Posts: 36
    • Joined: 22 Nov 2015

    🎶If your horny and you know it clap your hands

    1491655802
    MK7 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 300
    • Joined: 21 Sep 2015

    "That big, David? No wonder they call you a Hoare."

    1491708151
    RosyCheek [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 2404
    • Joined: 11 Apr 2016

    "so I've been told to bring back something this big that puts a smile on her face"

    "what you thinking? Great American Challenge? "

    " deep dish hawaiian"

    1491727701
    jayandrach [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major General
    • Posts: 248
    • Joined: 18 Jan 2012

    When I met her in the club I thought she was a stunner took her back home and she had one this big...... I mean WOW!!

    1491739571
    *sexybabe* [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 755
    • Joined: 14 Aug 2012

    Lessons in spanking

    Hoare: So you bend her over, keep your fingers together and palm flat and aim your hand towards her bottom.

    Wainwright: Mate, the only thing you've ever spanked is the monkey.

    1491748390
    AlyBlue [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Brigadier
    • Posts: 340
    • Joined: 30 Dec 2016

    "I just couldn't believe it...She's vajazzled herself, but at least it matched the buttplug"

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