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  1. 12 Days of Christmas! 🎵🎵 Lovehoney Edition... Forum comp!🎵🎵

    1481636649
    Tallish Darkish & Average [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 1767
    • Joined: 24 Oct 2012

    Little Subby Boy:

    Cum, she ordered me
    (uh uh uhuhuhuh..)
    She bent me o'er her knee
    (uh uh uhuhuhuh..)
    "What finer gifts do you bring?"
    (uh uh uhuhuhuh..)
    To lay before your Queen?
    (uh uh uhuhuhuh..)
    (uhuhuhuh)
    (uhuhuhuh)

    Then She smiled at me
    (uh uh uhuhuhuh..)
    The wicked glint in her eye
    (uh uh uhuhuhuh..)
    The whips and chains came out
    (uh uh uhuhuhuh..)
    And to the bed I'm tied.
    (uh uh uhuhuhuh..)
    (uhuhuhuh)
    (uhuhuhuh)

    1481640397
    Tiger Dick [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 1418
    • Joined: 9 Nov 2016

    12 vibrators busy humming
    Eleven reviews for typing
    Ten blindfold to stop you peeping
    'nine tails pain enhancing
    Eight cock-rings to stop you wilting

    Seven 'til midnight range for women
    Six capsules to help laying
    Five Good-head lubes
    Forum community words
    Three Bangs for you butt
    Two wet-look gloves
    and a pony tail butt plug for me

    1481648487
    Lovehoney - Leanne [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 2414
    • Joined: 9 Oct 2014

    Oh wow some fantastic enteries already heart

    1481649082
    Vanessa8 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 2948
    • Joined: 7 Jan 2014

    Hoping I can enter more than one as my mind often thinks in song lyrics...here is my first go...

    I'm dreaming of a white lingerie Christmas

    I'm dreaming of a white lingerie Christmas
    Just like the Lovehoney lace gowns that are for show
    Where the fabric glistens
    and the OH trys to listen
    to hear me tying my unwrap thong bow

    Dreamgirls has designed some perfect lingerie for Christmas
    Its on my wishlist & every Lovehoney order that I write
    New lingerie promises my playtimes will be merry and bright
    And may all my Christmas lingerie be white

    I'm dreaming of a white lingerie Christmas
    With my Lovehoney unwrap me thong as the center of the show
    Where my bare skin glistens
    and the OH listens
    To hear jingle bells calling him to the show

    I'm living my dream of a white lingerie Christmas
    With every wishlist that I write
    May all your sexy play be merry and bright
    While wish for all new Christmas lingerie from Lovehoney in white

    1481650713
    The Big Gee [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 110
    • Joined: 13 Aug 2009

    I think The Darkness pretty much had it licked (so to speak 😉) with Christmas Time - Don't let the Bell(s) End!
    Almost as if they did it on purpose!! 😜

    1481651186
    Thumper the Rabbit [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 238
    • Joined: 26 May 2015

    Tingle Bellends

    1481656822
    Ruby Red Slippers [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 672
    • Joined: 17 Aug 2014

    On the twelfth day of Christmas my lover gave to me

    Twelve orgasm balms - http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=34567

    Eleven penis pumps - http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=20955

    Ten chilled glass dildos - http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=32877

    Nine ladies lap dancing - http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=34620

    Eight magic wands - http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=33301

    Seven Swans a buzzing - http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=27077

    Six love eggs a laying - http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=15667

    FIVE CO-OCK RINGS - http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=33306

    Four flavoured lubes - http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=28055

    Three French knickers - http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=20462

    Two leather cuffs - http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=35606

    And a gift voucher for Lovehoneeeey - http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/gift-vouchers/

    Such a good idea for a competition! Will need to have a look at the other ones now - I could do with a laugh today!

    1481661389
    RosyCheek [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 2719
    • Joined: 11 Apr 2016

    Jiggle balls, cock and balls,
    Spank me please today.
    Oh what fun it is to ride my dildo everyday!

    1481664552
    Tiger Dick [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 1418
    • Joined: 9 Nov 2016

    A Nympho came travelling in her car from afar,
    'Twas hours of time since her mission did start,
    And over a village she halted her car,
    And she stopped at the lights just in her panties and Bra, Panties and Bra

    She followed a satnav and came down to a shed,
    Where a group of big men were lying there on a bed,
    The bright glow of blushing shone bright from her head,
    And she had the face of an angel, and excited they lay.

    Then the woman spoke, she said "Do not fear,
    I 'm gagging for it, you'll be please to hear,

    And I'll bring you off, if you promise to smear

    And suddenly the sweetest sight filled her hair

    And she went Ahh Ahh …..


    My love to all of you men, and I love going wild

    Being screwed to this bed through the ground,

    And the men were excited on hearing that sound,
    As the guys gathered around, a sight profound,
    In the air of that shed in the sky, which shone all round

    Breathless and stark naked she lie, and a panting sound

    And just before dawn said she could supply,
    Another six hours if you all want to try,


    When two pint of your cum has shot out and gone by,
    This moan will begin once again, to that Nypho cry

    And it went Ahh Ahh

    This moan will begin once again
    To that Nypho's cry
    And it goes Ahh Ahh Increase your good fill to all you men, and satisfied at last she smiled


    Oh her whole world is wanton, waiting to share with the men again,
    There are thousands more waiting at the edge of her world,
    And onwards she's moving somewhere, YOUR time is nearly here,
    This song will begin once again, to a Nyphos cry

    1481665132
    Couple looking to spice things up [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 3458
    • Joined: 22 Jul 2015

    THE POGUES
    "Fairytale Of New York"
    (Inspired)

    It was Christmas Eve babe
    Desperate for a wank
    Winking you said to me, what another one?
    Then you burst into song
    Romantic gesture- well overdue!
    Red face fading away
    I dreamed of life with you

    Oh ain't I a lucky one
    Come eighteen to your one
    I've got a feeling
    This year's for me and you
    So happy Christmas
    I love you baby
    I can see a better time
    When all our fantasies come true

    We'll go dogging in the cars
    Lets raise the bars
    Bondage! Safe words are told.
    By gosh that'll go right through you
    Spanking never gets old ;0)

    When you first took my hand
    On a cold Christmas Eve
    You promised me
    Orgasms was waiting for me

    You were handsome
    You were pretty
    Seen your dad - what a pity!
    But when your fingers finished playing
    I howled out for more
    I agreed to go swinging
    You was drunk so were singing
    We did oral in the corner
    Then made love through the night

    I wished you'd got my legs up higher
    Still I asked you to stay
    Cos the buses weren't running
    For now it's Christmas Day.

    Your saggy bum
    Your small junk
    Your love was deffo a flunk
    Lying there on my bloody bed
    Flopping and frankly overfed.

    You man slag
    Your shit-fecking bag it!
    You cheap lousy faggot
    Happy Christmas your arse
    For sure i know
    It's our last

    Happy Christmas All x

    1481667581
    Throbinhood [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 1760
    • Joined: 15 May 2016
    Happy Xmas (war is over) So this is lovehoney and what would you like,
    We delivery by mail and not by quad bike,
    And so this is lovehoney, the delivery is fast,
    Hope you'll be in, then your'll be having a blast,
    A merry, merry xmas and a happy new year
    Hope postman called you mrs but not an old dear. So this is lovehoney and what have you bought,
    For rich or poor members, hope delivery was short,
    And so this is lovehoney, I hope you have fun,
    Bargains instead of dear ones, for as long as they run,
    A merry, merry xmas and a happy new year,
    lets hope its fits you without showing to much rear. So this is lovehoney, vibrations are strong,
    Bought a good strap on, your'll look like king dong,
    And so this is lovehoney, Customer care are so cool,
    They will help with problems, but not your big tool,
    A merry, merry xmas and a happy new year,
    Hope you do him you nicely without any fear. Call Lovehoney if you want it, Call lovehoney Now........

    1481667932
    Gigglesandjiggles [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major General
    • Posts: 202
    • Joined: 22 Aug 2016

    All I want for Christmas is my two butt plugs

    Christmas Self Love

    Frosty the (glass) dildo

    Santa Claus is cumming to town

    1481668018
    Throbinhood [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 1760
    • Joined: 15 May 2016

    They all look so good,

    oops Sorry for the duplicate, It pasted wrong from my notepad ;)

    1481674513
    Tiger Dick [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 1418
    • Joined: 9 Nov 2016

    Flashing in the snow
    Like some randy stray
    Over the fields we go
    Looking to go all the way
    Bellend on Bob goes ding'
    Rising spirits bright
    What fun it is to spread the love
    And play around tonight!

    Lovehoney sells, Lovehoney tells
    O happy sex today.
    Oh! what joy it is to toy
    In a joyous sexual play.
    Lovehoney sells, Lovehoney tells
    O happy sex today.
    Oh! what joy it is to toy
    In a joyous sexual play

    An hour or two ago
    I thought I'd take a ride
    And make Miss Fanny moist
    Swinging on a door frame hoist,
    Miss Fanny was clean and bold
    The Foo Foo seemed so hot
    So firey that it could scold
    And into it got shot.

    A week or two ago,
    The tale I must say
    I went and gotta a blow,
    And on my back I lay
    As time was flying by
    When night turned into day,
    Deciding what next to buy,
    Maybe another toy for play.

    Lovehoney do you right
    whether your old or young,
    For the boys n' girls tonight
    you really can't go wrong;
    Accessible night and day
    Taking care to meet your need
    To get your end away
    And crack! You'll know why they lead.

    1481674666
    Tallish Darkish & Average [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 1767
    • Joined: 24 Oct 2012

    A Christmas ish ode to Secret Squirrel. Apologies in advance to Roy Wood.

    When the squirrel sends that 'mail
    Explaining what 'Honey might sell
    She puts a great big smile
    On our pervy faces!

    When postie bring that box
    You'd be sure it won't be socks

    'cause when the vibes start to rumble
    Probably knock them off anyway.

    Well I wish we could all get testers
    Christmas day!
    When the toys start buzzin' & the joys bring cummin'
    Yay!!!
    Ohhhh oh I wish we could all get testers, Christmas day.
    So let the vibes, be strong thus Christmas.

    At the festive time of year.
    Lovehoney brings us cheer.

    I cannot wait to see the look on my loved ones face.

    Putting sex toys on our tree
    That the squirrel sent to me

    It's not red green or golden ours is more
    Fifty Shades of Gray!

    Oh I wish we could all have testers.
    Christmas day.

    With the paddles spanking & the bedsprings cranking all the way.

    Ohhhh I wish we'd all get testers Christmas day.
    So let the 'mails, ping out this Christmas.

    When the Squirrel sends the mail (squirrel sends the mail)
    For an Xmas fresh look scale (Xmas fresh look scale)
    She puts great big smiles, on some happy faces.

    So Santa, bring for us something to play. (something to play)
    That we'll never want to put away. (never put away)
    We'll write up our reviews so customers old 'n new'll know it's working way.

    Oh I wish we'd all get testers, Christmas day.
    With the butt plug seated & a tube of lube (heated) waney!
    Oh I wish we'd all get testers Christmas day.
    So let our trees be blessed with testers.

    OK you lot. Test it!

    1481675487
    Vanessa8 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 2948
    • Joined: 7 Jan 2014

    Satisfyer the Red Nosed Vibrator

    You know Humdinger and Wand and Rocket and Love Egg
    Silencer and Sqwell and Bullet and Mia
    But do you recall
    The most famous clitoral vibrator of all?


    Satisfyer the Red-Nosed Vibrator
    Had a suction based shiny nose
    And if you ever saw it
    You would even say it glows


    All of the other clit toys
    Used to laugh and call her names
    They never let poor Satisfyer
    Join in clitoral masturbation play


    Then one foggy Christmas Eve
    Vanessa came to say
    “Satisfyer, with your nose so bright
    Won't you guide my play session tonight?"


    Then how the other toys loved her
    As Vanessa shouted out with glee
    "Satisfyer the Red-Nosed Vibrator
    You'll go down in history"

    1481676709
    Kirsty92 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 716
    • Joined: 25 Aug 2015
    Apologies if too rude

    *In the tune of jingle bells*

    Fucking in the snow
    I don't care where we go
    On the hills I'll blow (him)
    Moaning all the way ohh ahh mmmm

    Lube and toys are here
    Making sex all fun
    Oh what fun it is to ride my boyfriend's cock tonight

    Ohhh!

    Tingle lube tingle lube tingle all the way
    Maybe we'll use flavoured lube to make him cum so hard HEY!
    Tingle lube tingle lube tingle all the way
    In my mouth or on my boobs I dont really mind YAY!

    1481696861
    Tiger Dick [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 1418
    • Joined: 9 Nov 2016

    To Jingle Bells

     Lovehoney versus their rivals
    The gauntlet has been thrown down
    They're here to please and that's understood
    Lovehoney wears the crown.


    Oh, the buying into fun,
    The creating of good cheer
    The satisfaction of many organs,

    With gleaming service to admire

    Lovehoney's values are awesome
    On goodwill they just tower
    Don't be left shouting “Jesus Christ!”
    As others put out your fire.

    Oh, the buying into fun,

    The creating of good cheer
    The satisfaction of many organs,

    With gleaming service to admire

    Lack of trust is just scary
    So don't shop with a dud
    And auctions sites are full shite
    With poor products that are just crud.

    Oh, the buying into fun,

    The creating of good cheer
    The satisfaction of many organs,

    With gleaming service to admire

    So enjoy your slap and tickle
    In the lingerie you adorn;

    Lovehoney's range adds to the spice

    Exciting bedroom play, is reborn

    Oh, the buying into fun,
    The creating of good cheer
    The satisfaction of many organs,

    With gleaming service to admire

    So if your love-life fails to spark
    Lovehoney will catch that fall;

    With a community helpful and nice
    Offering good advice for all.

    Oh, the buying into fun,

    The creating of good cheer
    The satisfaction of many organs,

    With gleaming service to admire

    Lovehoney versus the rest,
    Now you know how to spare that groan
    Trust in those to behave as they should
    And will never let you down.

    Oh, the buying into fun,

    The creating of good cheer
    The satisfaction of many organs,

    With gleaming service to admire

    The raising of your fun
    Smiling ear to ear,
    Your sexual happiness isn't just for Christmas

    It's there for you all year

    1481697241
    Tiger Dick [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 1418
    • Joined: 9 Nov 2016

    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

    Doh!

    Holly and the Ivy

    1481712320
    lovingnewtoys [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 5308
    • Joined: 16 Jan 2016

    The 'alternative' Jingle Bells!!!

    Waiting by the door
    My order's on it's way
    Waiting's such a bore
    We really want to play
    Lube unwrapped and so
    We're ready and willing to go
    Tonights the night for Christmas fun
    So let's get crackin' Ho Ho

    Jiggle Balls Jiggle Balls
    Jiggle all the day
    Wiggle and jiggle I'm so turned on
    It's finally time to play
    Jiggle Balls Jiggle Balls
    Jiggle all the day
    I'm loving the feeling of jiggle balls
    So in they're going to stay

    Stockings and heels adorned
    The neighbours have been warned
    Adult fun tonight
    Bondage filled delight
    Paddles and whips around
    Ankles and wrists are bound
    Santa I've been a naughty girl
    It's best that way I've found

    Jiggle Balls Jiggle Balls
    Jiggle all the day
    Wiggle and jiggle I'm so turned on
    It's finally time to play
    Jiggle Balls Jiggle Balls
    Jiggle all the day
    I'm loving the feeling of jiggle balls
    So in they're going to stay


    Good luck everyone - that was fun xxxxx

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