When this thing landed on my desk, I posed the question; “What is this?” on Lovehoney's Twitter.
Baby elephant trunk protector, hamster slide, Charlie Sheen’s nose vacuum and a really strong condom were among the suggestions put forward.
But what is it, and why is it an awesome sex toy?
Ahhh - the sex swing. Revered as being a toy for more adventurous lovers, it has a cult following over in the US of A, but over here you’re much less likely to come across a swingset in the boudoir. With our suspended ceilings and predisposition to rent properties, sex swings have been a no-go for many Brits… until now.
This clever Stand Alone Sex Swing Frame is a collapsable A-frame that allows you to enjoy the use of a sex swing without drilling big holes in your ceilings or leaving conspicuous hooks on display. It’s also great for lovers of shibari/rope bondage, permitting experienced practitioners to go one step further with their ropework and suspend their loving other half while they’re gagged and tagged. Once you’ve experienced the zero-g joys of this delectable frame, unclip your sex swing and bung it in a cupboard ready for next time. Perfecto!
If you don’t feel like your solo sex life is WINNING enough, what you need is your own personal goddess. Can't handle a whole goddess? What about just her head?
Bree Olson (also known as Rachel Oberlin - one of Charlie Sheen’s girlfriends) has lent her likeness to this lifelike male masturbator. Made from Cyberskin, the Bree Olson Deep-Throat Sex Doll Head feels soft and squishy just like real flesh and skin and is capable of swallowing down an impressive 6.5 inches.
As it’s cast from a mould taken directly from Ms Olson’s face (there are even pictures of the process on the side of the box) this is one of the most realistic sex doll heads on the market. We do feel that they could have taken the time to give her hair a flash of flaxen blonde, though.
Cock rings that look like DIY hardware. I don’t know which I prefer, these or the Dirk Yates toys that look like weapons - I just can't decide. There is something to be said for inventively-shaped sex toys, I find them infinitely more interesting than the often neon-coloured types and they function just as well. They also help to take some of the scariness away if you’re suffering from first-time nerves.
These are made from firm but stretchy TPR that has been coloured to emulate metal. The smaller Hardware Coupling Hex Nuts cock ring set can be worn together with the larger sitting around the cock and balls and the smaller at the base of the shaft. The larger Hardware Rapid Mounting Hex Nut vibrating ring is also for wearing around your cock and balls but has a bullet vibrator mounted at the top making it ideal for shared stimulation. Both sets are completely waterproof too, so they’re simple to clean and can be enjoyed in the bath and shower. Awesome!
Is it a tentacle? Is it a tongue? The seductive Textured Devil Tongue Glass Dildo is sensationally shaped to make it suitable for all kinds of penetration. Detailed with deep ridges and curved bumps for incredible stimulation and shaped with an upwardly-curving tapered tip to make insertion effortless. It’s easier to use than similarly-sized realistic dildos and much more attractive with its Murano-esque colours and swirls.
So… tentacle? Tongue? What do you reckon?
From sophisticated Japanese sex dolls to the hen-night-favourite blow-up doll, the world of the humanoid sex simulator is filled with a rich variety of different skill sets.
We know that many sex dolls have three holes, that others have two and that some vibrate but did you know that some dolls have a whole lot more going for them than, well, holes? Here’s our pick of six of the strangest sex dolls we sell.
These are the Rascal Baller Anal Beads. Our product photos make them look quite innocent, but as you can see from this to-scale photo, they’re a hefty bit of kit that you couldn’t take lightly if you tried.
These big anal beads measure a hefty 8.35 inches in circumference around each bead, with an insertable length of 15.5 inches. Woah!
I’m not convinced that the finger loop is really required, but better to be safe than sorry.
A typical day in the life at Lovehoney can often lead to unusual and unusually entertaining conversations and to equally unusual parts of the Internet. Currently we're stroking our chins over how best to make fake vaginas and marvelling at the ingenuity displayed by people who have had similar thoughts.
The classic site Home Made Sex Toys has a great article on how to make a Fleshlight style masturbator, which is quite possibly the best use of an empty Pringles tube we've ever seen.
"When stored with the lid on, the homemade flashlight can be conveniently camouflaged as an innocent can of potato chips," says the site. Yes, camouflaged right up to the moment that your mum comes round and reaches for the pre-dinner nibbles…
Over at Steady Health there's a fantastic thread which details how to turn a towel and a rubber glove into an uncannily realistic fake vagina. It does sound fantastically complicated though. I know I'm biased, but I would suggest that treating yourself to a male sex toy from Lovehoney is a lot less hassle (and, dare I say it, a lot more fun).
But it's great to see someone pitch in with some great, succinct advice: "Bubble wrap and ice pack quite good"
Lovehoney is delighted to introduce some truly regal vibrations for you to indulge in as you celebrate the marriage of His Royal Highness Prince William of Wales to Catherine Elizabeth Middleton on Friday 29th April, 2011.
The Commemorative Royal Wedding Ring £1.00 lets you rejoice in the regal union of pleasure with the added buzz as you slip it onto your very own Prince Charming and enjoy the mutually-stimulating benefits during your private (or public) display of affection.
A truly unique item of Royal Wedding memorabilia, we are confident that this love ring will deliver more pleasure than a commemorative Royal wedding plate and even better, it is made from stretchy silicone to accommodate most Royal members. With six batteries included, you can be assured that your post-nuptial celebrations won't be cut short and you can mark the commencement of pleasurable vibrations by reading the inscripted vows on the packaging.
Delivering a Royal performance at a price suitable for the general public, it will be a consumation of love you'll never forget as the powerful vibrations just keep coming from this Royal blue ring.
"This ring I take from you as a token of your love and devotion to me. I pledge to you all that I am and all that I will ever be as your husband. With this ring, I gladly marry you and join my life to yours…"
Unusual title, no?
Sadly you won't find any videos of lesbians selling vibrators to housewives door to door in this blog post, but you will discover more of the strange search terms that seem to lead to Lovehoney.
And by writing this, I've realised that Lovehoney will now rank even higher for the search term 'lesbians selling vibrators to housewives door to door'. I really must stop typing that…