Hark back to the days of happy hardcore and opt for a neon shafting with the Awesome Sex Toy of the Week.
The Light Up Real Silicone Glow Dildo and Light Up Simple Silicone Glow Dildo are more fun than flailing about in a reflector jacket to a 250 bpm soundtrack.
Each box is packed with a shapely dong and 5 coloured glow sticks that you click, snap and insert into the base, turning your dildo into a rave-ready raunch rod. If you foresee the functionality of these light-up sex toys veering solely toward rowdy hen nights then think again. These dildos are made from silicone - a surprising revelation when the price tag for these beauties is only £18.99.
The construction of these dildos also allows for a secondary function. Fans of temperature play can opt for a chilled insertion by loading the shaft with water, popping the plug in and sitting the dildo upright in the freezer for a couple of hours.
A novelty light-up dildo made from silicone that can also chill your bones? Awesome!
It’s important to brush your teeth at least twice a day for two minutes if you want to avoid gnarly gnashers. This week's Awesome Sex Toy has been thoughtfully designed to take care of vagina dentata, but you don’t have to have a set of canines in your cooch for a toothbrush vibrator to be of benefit to your sex life.
If you’ve ever asked a search engine “Can I use an electric toothbrush as a vibrator?” you might have overlooked the orgasmic capabilities of this humble household essential.
Don’t pay attention to the advice littering cyberspace proclaiming that electric toothbrushes will sand your clit off, cause injury and just feel crap.
Electric toothbrushes can and do make good vibrators and they make even better vibrators with a specially designed Tingletip Electric Toothbrush Clitoral Stimulator on board…
Each week, hundreds of people find Lovehoney after searching the internet for solutions to their sex problems.
Our alternative agony aunt Hella answers the questions you were too shy to ask anyone (except Google).
How to discreetly dispose of your dildo
I know this problem all too well. It’s difficult to throw your dildo out without marching it to your local dump with it held aloft like the Statue of Liberty’s torch. But fret not, there is an easy alternative…
I love those moments when you discover that a friend, colleague or new acquaintance is a little on the kinky side. More often than not those moments are restricted to drunken office nights out or stumbling across a naughty piece of paraphernalia at a dinner party, but there are more subtle pointers offered up by dedicated kinksters.
The Lelo Insignia range comes with a pretty brooch that wouldn’t raise an eyebrow if pinned to the lapel of an evening jacket and Ring of O- which comes from the classic Story of O - adorns many fingers (including my own) without so much as a comment. In an everyday nod to our sexual inner selves, these little markers make us feel part of a secret society and it’s all a bit fun to take part in. Unfortunately, these trinkets aren’t functional and always leave us extroverts wanting more. Cue Incoqnito.
Have you ever felt that using a dildo felt too much like hard work? Do you find it hard to angle your toys to get a really satisfying penetration solo? Fear not, this week's Awesome Sex Toy is here to alleviate all of your self-pleasuring woes.
The Monkey Rocker Hybrid is an eco-friendly sex machine that’s compatible with flat-based dildos and Vac-U-Lock accessories to offer you a penetrative thrill with virtually no effort.
If you saw the Pipedream Extreme Realistic Vagina Ass and Legs Maturabtor from a distance, you’d be forgiven for thinking that some poor hottie had been horrifically dismembered.
If I had the cash spare, I’d buy this giant male masturbator and position it halfway down a fox hole before sitting down to the local news and delighting at my own joke. The escaped tiger soft toy pranksterwould have nothing on me.
The latest addition to the Pipedream Extreme range is an impressive set of pins and a delectable derriere.
Peachy, pert and so intricately cast that even the nodules at the base of the model’s spine have been captured, this realistic sex doll is a perfect replication of a woman from her supple feet to her spankable tush.
I (almost) ran out of words to describe my feelings when I was faced with this week's pick. I unpacked it, looked it up and down, cocked an eyebrow and after much thought, declared it pure genius.
Imagine, if you will, the brainchild of an army of architects, politicians, council planners and hot shots mixed with vegetable-based lady porn. Somewhere between the abuse of vegetables and objectophilia is this week's Awesome Sex Toy of the Week.
I give you… 30 St Mary Axe, AKA The Gherkin Silicone Vibrator.
This may look like your average bit of souvenir tat that only the most tasteless tourist would hold aloft and declare, “Behold! The perfect gift for Granny!” But you are so very wrong.
The shower head is one of our favourite household objects to misuse (along with electric toothbrushes, hairbrushes and the spin cycle of our washing machines) so it should come as no surprise that sex toy brand Toy Joy have come up with something to make abusing the shower cubicle extra easy.
The Toy Joy Pleasure Fountain is a shiny purple cock with its own length of hose that attaches directly to the shower fitting to make getting clean feel delightfully dirty.
The 6.75-inch shaft of this sub-aquatic dildo is punctured with holes, allowing the full force of your power shower to blast its way through the shaft in every direction. It may be an experience that only the most pierced man on Earth can empathise with, but being on the receiving end of this fountain of cock is a uniquely pleasurable experience that your shower head can’t compete with.
For fans of douching, the Pleasure Fountain Shower Attachment Dildotakes all of the hard work out of the process and turns it into hard cock.
Is it a sex toy? Is it a bludgeoning device? Possibly both! It’s Super Victor!
Men have been asking the question, “does size matter?” ever since they discovered that women derive pleasure from sex too. They’d be forgiven for thinking it does if they found one of these in their Mrs’ bedside drawer.
Super Victor is the MOST. Most heavy, most veiny, most ‘biggest’ giant dildo we have in our fabled aisle A*.
Reading the description and looking at the product photos might not accurately convey how massive this member is, so for reference here’s a picture of me as I marvel at the awesomeness that is the Super Victor Giant Dildo.
With 100 sold, we’ve yet to see one review of this dynamic giant dildo. Does Super Victor simply represent too much of a challenge or is there some unknown other use for this veiny violator?
This amalgamation of sex doll parts can’t have been in the office for more than a minute before it was hauled out of the box for closer inspection.
No creature has ever graced the face of this rock with such a composition of erotic lady and man bits in such close proximity.
Regardless of your sexual quirks and preferences, your first thought upon seeing Mia Isabella’s Realistic Ride Transexual Sex Doll is likely to be “What in all that is sacred is this thing?”.
That’s a good question, and one I’m happy to answer.
This is one of the range of Mia Isabella toys we’ve recently taken delivery of at Lovehoney. A sensational transsexual adult star, Mia is the dream girl… with quite a meaty something extra between her killer pins…