Last week I introduced you to the Angel of Passion Sex Machine, a high-powered humping heart with unbelievable shafting speeds.
This week I’m going to slow it down a few notches and wow you with yet another fantastic sex machine, the Erotic Dream Bag (£350.00).
At first glance this covert cock thruster looks like a swanky designer weekend bag but inside the you’ll discover a fully functioning sex machine which requires a little assembly for a lot of gain. If you’re looking for a sex machine that isn’t obvious in operation or appearance then this is the sex toy you’ve been waiting for.
It might not be the most travel-friendly machine (it’s rather weighty), but pop this next to your bedside table and no one will suspect it’s hiding a sexy secret.
Kitsch alert! I haven’t been this excited about the way a sex toy looks since I first clapped eyes on Ran Amano. OK, that was only a few weeks ago, but if you spend as much time as I do staring down the eye end of realistic dildos, you’d cherish these moments too. Let me introduce you to the Angel of Passion Sex Machine, this week's (very) Awesome Sex Toy of the Week.
This heart-shaped humper is packed full of features to satisfy him and her in one neat package. It might look like plastic pop art but the design is ingeniously practical with adjustable height and thrusting trajectory for the best-possible angles.
The most shocking part of this sex machine is the speed, it goes like the clappers on the lowest setting, and like a dozen clappers on the highest. This is definitely not a sex toy for the power shy. You can take it down a peg or two by using batteries to power it instead of the mains adaptor, but even then you’re going to be getting it hard and fast.
A common complaint in customer reviews is that a vibrator just didn’t cut it for them power wise. Everyone is unique, as are their sexy parts, and a sex toy that’s too strong for one person is too weak for another.
No matter how hard sex toy makers have tried, they just don’t seem to manage to pleasure everyone with their powerful vibrators. Dissatisfied sad face.
If you’re a power-hungry lover that’s looking for more va-va-voom from your vibe then you’ll love this week's Awesome Power Tool… I mean Sex Toy. Rock Box (£99.99) is quite probably the world’s most powerful vibrator and the good news is that it’s equal parts sexy fun times for him and for her.
I know what you’re thinking. Surely this thing is going to shear my lady garden to pieces or batter my man rod…
Dildos. You'd think they're a pretty straight-up sex toy, right? Well, apply a little imagination to any sex toy and the list of ways in which it can be used will soon run as long as your arm.
In the case of these dildos, though, perhaps the design was better than the reality, with most of these bizarre dildos consigned to the history books.
Read on to discover the joys of the chin, chest, chair and cushion dildo, the truly bizarre gas mask dildo and many more…
Magic Wand Vibrators have made their mark as a sex toy legend even though they were never actually designed to be clenched between your thighs.
Those who were around to see the beginning of the Magic Wand phenomena may have been a pioneer in bringing it to bedsides around the globe. Those who caught the trend early on were looking for a soothing solution to their niggling back troubles but soon discovered that their deep-tissue back massager could do a whole lot more for women than it originally let on.
What started off as Mummy’s little secret became an almost cult reference in television programmes and magazines. Suddenly Magic Wand vibrators were depicted with a cheeky smile and a wink in the eye and those who hadn’t experimented soon clocked on. Thus the Magic Wand vibe, with all its deep rumbling power, became the sex toy of choice for secret solo play.
In the UK we had a bit of a hurdle to leap as it took a while for Magic Wands to be adapted to match our voltage output. The US models were blowing up in our sockets and there was nothing to bridge the gap, but thankfully things have changed and it’s now possible for us to have our pick from a wide range of Magic Wand massagers. The original 2-speed model has been left for dust as bigger, better models like the Lovehoney Mains Powered Classic Magic Wand Vibrator were developed with multiple speed settings and *gulp* even more power…
It’s a challenge for sex toy manufacturers to come up with an innovative idea that sets it apart from its competitors in the fierce sex toy market.
Luxury sex toy manufacturers are challenged with providing bigger, better things than those in the middle range and therefore their toys tend to come under much closer scrutiny, meaning they’ll often either sail or fail.
It’s always great to be able to report that a sex toy has lived up to the hype and this week's Awesome Sex Toy has certainly proven itself.
The Minna Ola Programmable Vibe (£119.99) is the first programmable luxury vibrator. It has the now-standard uniform of a waterproof silicone finish and rechargeable battery built in, but it also has functioning tech that differentiates it from other luxury vibrators in the market and allows you to create a totally personalised experience.
No difficult programming required!
Bum fun. Backdoor loving. Anal play. If you’re into it you’ll know just how much fun sticking something in the wrong ‘un can be. If you hadn’t guessed, this week's Awesome Sex Toy of the Week is dedicated to discovering the pleasures of anal sex and foreplay - just the way you want it. It does seem that until recently there was only so much you can do with the humble butt plug…
Cue the Mystim Flexing Flavio Silicone Butt Plug (£39.99). Unlike flexible (and trimmable) anal beads, Flexing Flavio offers a solid shaft for firmer stimulation. Unlike other silicone butt plugs, Flexing Flavio has a flexible shaft that bends in all manner of ways to assure that you get exactly the right pressure, shape and sensations you want. Check out the video for proof!
In my time at Lovehoney I’ve seen every type of rabbit vibrator - curvy ones, straight ones, dolphin-shaped ones, spiky ones, huge ones, slimline ones and everything-in-between ones. It’s very rarely that a rabbit vibe pops up that creates a genuine buzz of intrigue at LH HQ, but this week’s Awesome Sex Toy of the Week, the Bedroom Kandi Happiness & Joy Music-Activated Rabbit Vibrator (£60.00), is definitely an exception.
I'm betting you’ll soon find yourself with a slight sex toy crush as well.
So why is this rabbit vibrator is so foot-stampingly amazing? It's sleek and smooth, fully rechargeable and (this is the really amazing part) it dances rhythmically in time with your favourite music, playing its good vibrations in time to your tunes…
Valentine’s day is simple enough in principle. Flowers, chocolates and some expensive wine and you have it all wrapped up. Far from seeing Valentine’s day as a contrived labour one has to follow through with in order to prove their love, I see it as a chance to strengthen the emotional and physical bond you have with a partner. With that in mind, all things pink, red and fluffy are never going to be my idea of the perfect Valentine’s gift, although the thought is always appreciated.
February 14th is supposed to be the most romantic and intimate day of the year for you and your partner, so think carefully before you proudly march home with your garage bouquet and chocolate box. After all it’s not just your partner you’re depriving of the true meaning of Valentine’s day, its rewards are there to be reaped for both of you.
Instead of worrying about buying a gift for your partner, why not focus on giving them an experience? Even on a limited budget you can create the ideal Valentine’s Day package that not only shows your love, it demonstrates it in a hands-on way.
This week's Awesome Sex Toy is being replaced by a romantic experience that’s also fun. I’d like to present to enquiring minds the Shunga Oriental Body Slide Erotic Massage Gels (£10.00).
Is your love in full bloom or is your heart under the heel of some evil heatbreaker’s shoe? If you have someone to spoil this Valentine’s Day, then why not treat him to a cheeky sex toy that won’t break the bank, leaving plenty of pennies left over for a fancy meal or something else that will make his day.
If you’re a single man, then spend those Valentine’s reserves on making February 14th that much more fun for you. After all, to truly find love you have to love yourself, and what better way to love yourself than with a sex toy?
Regardless of your relationship status this Valentine’s Day, indulgence cums quick and easy (literally) in the form of this week's Awesome Sex Toy, the TENGA Egg Limited Edition Lovers Heart (£9.99).