Sleeping through the Starsigns: A personal account of a uni friendship group

by Guest

on 22 Oct 2021

“What time were you born?” isn’t just the new pillow talk. It’s part of a scientific investigation that’s totally, 100% foolproof. Sort of.

The point is, scientific or not, snog lists in the notes app are out and it’s all about Googling their star sign tables. Now, some disclaimers before we get into this very evidence based research:

  1. The friendship group’s findings are pretty comprehensive but also (obviously we hope) based on individual experiences with variables involved (including but not limited to blood alcohol level, red flag ignorance and loss of taste due to COVID) so won’t necessarily reflect your own, personal experience
  2. This was not a one woman experiment and we recognise the value of a wide sample uni friendship group
  3. Dad, if you’re reading this, I’m still a virgin (and also what are you doing on Lovehoney in the first place?)

Sorry Aquarius, Cancer, Leo and Taurus. Clearly every element has to have a weak link and it appears you guys are it. The feedback wasn’t all bad, but there’s definitely room for improvement.

Cancer, maybe it’s the sentimentality – stop focusing on what your first year girlfriend liked and consider, for a moment, that the person under you should be your main focus. Carpe diem etc.

While creativity in the bedroom can be a good thing… Aquarius, please don’t forget that classics are classics for a reason.

We were surprised by Leo’s appearance here, given how generous they’re supposed to be, but apparently that doesn’t always extend to love making. Get it together Leos.

Seems like Taurus and Leo aren’t too dissimilar. So, for the record, let’s remind everyone that sex isn’t a solo act and everyone involved needs to be having fun. If it is a race, you’re both meant to be crossing the finishing line.

Now onto the champs – Capricorns, Aries and Libras, pat yourselves on the back. Whatever it is you’re doing, don’t stop. Literally.

Is it the ambition? The absolute need to be the best? We don’t know. The experiences across Capricorns were mixed with few similar experiences aside from it being, quote-unquote, incredible. We make love, we don’t “have sex” was one review – do with that info what you will.

Dominant in the streets, submissive in the sheets it seems for Aries. That fiery passion is never lost though and having a competitive nature helps a lot, according to our scientists. On a side note: maybe their bravery would go well with Aquarians' creativity.

Last, but absolutely by no means least, Libras… it has to be the diplomacy and balance that gives you guys the crown. Giving and taking, crossing the finish line together, you know what’s up (share some tips with the Leos and Taureans of the world if you wouldn’t mind). It makes sense that your ruling planet is Venus – I’m sure the goddess would be proud of you continuing her romantic legacy.

Condolences to those not mentioned (shout out to Saggies, Scorpios, Virgos, Pisces and Geminis) but at least take it as a plus that you’ve not been called out for poor performance like some zodiacs. The likelihood is, you did your best but you just didn’t shine. And that’s what constellations are all about.

Written by Rhiannon Jenkins. Rhiannon is a fresh grad from Leicester uni, with a lot to say about shagging under the star(signs).


Written by Guest.

Originally published on 22 Oct 2021. Updated on 21 Oct 2021