15 Sex Toys (That No One Will Know Are Sex Toys)
on 1 Jan 2016
When you're picking out the perfect sex toy, what it looks like often plays a huge part in your selection process.
Sure, we may all long for a bulgingly-veined, intricately-detailed flesh-tone dildo with bulbous balls, or a velvety-soft vulva in a tube, but should you accidentally forget to close a drawer or have one of those snoopy roommates, they're not the most… discreet of items.
While we believe no one should be ashamed of masturbating or using sex toys (after all, as Jim's dad would say in American Pie, "It's a perfectly natural, normal thing"), we also appreciate that letting your freak flag quite so blatantly isn't always appropriate.
So, in the name of incognito intimate explorers everywhere, we've gathered this collection of sensational sex toys and accessories that look nothing like you (or anyone else) would expect them to.
Let's just say, if discretion is the better part of valour, then these sex toys are your erotic Knights of the Round Table.
Discreet in design but powerful in pleasure, these items look so innocent that not even your mother would guess at their true function. Or, if she does, she won't let on…
Lovehoney Flash 7 Function USB Rechargeable Clitoral Vibrator ([[productprice:productid=26627]])
When it's charging, this slender silver-and-black mini vibrator looks just like a USB flash drive. Or we reckon you could even pass it off as an e-cigarette, too.
Zumio Rechargeable Deep Stimulation SpiroTIP Clitoral Vibrator ([[productprice:productid=38825]])
Keep this in your bathroom and tell them it's a new design of electric toothbrush. No one will guess it's actually a vibrator designed to deliver orgasms in just 60 seconds.
Lovehoney Oh! Kiss Me Lipstick Vibrator ([[productprice:productid=36187]])
An oldie, but a goodie, this lush lipstick vibe is the perfect travel vibrator. Just don't go offering to share your make-up with anyone while it's in your cosmetics bag.
Lovehoney Nubby Textured Sensual Glass Dildo ([[productprice:productid=29223]])
Handblown and beautiful, this dildo wouldn't look out of place as mantlepiece decor. Plus, it's totally waterproof, loves all lubes, and makes the perfect companion for long bubble baths with a glass of wine.
Annabelle Knight OMG! Kegel Exercise Set ([[productprice:productid=39579]])
Pop this juicy bunch of cherries into a glass jar and impress everyone with your interior design style. Meanwhile, you can enjoy the benefits of a stronger pelvic floor.
Lovehoney Hot Date 10 Function Remote Control Vibrating Knickers ([[productprice:productid=38120]])
These vibrating knickers will look just like any other pair of pants, but they have a sexy secret. Wear them day-to-day without the bullet, then slip in the vibrator and ue the remote control to start the discreet vibrations.
See all: Vibrators
Covert Toys for Boys
Sure, the blow-up doll from Fresher's Week might take pride of place in your kitchen, but no one needs to know about the real-deal gratification gadgets littering your desk.
Pink Lady Fleshlight ([[productprice:productid=891]])
It's a torch, I swear! Except instead of housing a bright light, this one's full of a real-feel sleeve topped with realistic labia. Don't try using it to find your way during a blackout and you'll be fine.
Sportsheets Metal Cock Ring Set (3 Pack) ([[productprice:productid=33667]])
Don't let the simple design fool you. This trio of metal bands slips over your meat flute for harder, bigger erections and delayed ejaculation, but look no more sexualised than a pack of curtain rings.
Aneros Tempo Stainless Steel S2 Anal Stimulator ([[productprice:productid=21177]])
Nestled in a box that makes it look like a choice gift for your loved one rather than a device for sexual pleasure, the Tempo makes a great undercover anal agent.
TENGA Standard Edition Deep Throat Onacup ([[productprice:productid=12446]])
Being a Japanese company, TENGA have to make all their male toys non-explicit in design due to censorship laws. This contoured cup recreates the feeling of oral sex, but looks just like a protein mix or deodorant can from the outside.
Fetish Fantasy Frisky Black Feather Tickler ([[productprice:productid=38575]])
Leave your feather tickler out in the open and impress all your friends with your dedication to a dust-free house. As long as your house is tidy, no one will suspect this tickler actually tantalises your senses.
Mantric Rechargeable Vibrating Head Male Masturbator ([[productprice:productid=37970]])
We think that this revolutionary male masturbator looks like a spare car part, but in fact, it's a vibrating silicone sleeve that's perfect to use alone or with a partner.
See all: Male Sex Toys
Undercover Bondage and Accessories
BDSM playtime isn't all steel handcuffs and latex, you know. These ambiguous-looking accessories give very few hints as to their real purpose…
DOMINIX Deluxe Adjustable Nipple Clamp Bars ([[productprice:productid=29731]])
Looking more like chopsticks or knitting needles than nipple clamps, these steel bars are ideal for increasing nipple sensitivity (or nibbling those 9p noodles when you're running low on cutlery).
Sextreme 6mm Double Ended Stainless Steel Ribbed Urethral Dilator ([[productprice:productid=33430]])
Urethral sounding is the next big thing, you know. If your unsuspecting housemate finds your probe, though, just brush it off as a cocktail stirrer (but don't let them use it until it's had a good wash).
Liberator Sex Position Wedge ([[productprice:productid=8845]])
Pricey though it may be, this wedge-shaped cushion is a must for getting into all those positions that you previously thought impossible. Plus, it doubles up as a super-handy laptop stand - after all, you don't want RSI, do you?
See all: Bondage
You may also like: