Is nothing sacred? For most of us childhood is a happy, innocent time of not having the right shoes for school, being scared of dogs and enduring a harsh introduction to the gentle tyranny of the 9-5 working week. But some deviant Design A Sex Toy entrants have clearly drawn on memories of playground hi-jinks to design toys for adult fun.
So what's going on through the round window? Let's take a peek. As ever, we've retained the original presentation to keep the authentic competition entry flavour…
Now that we've shared the results of the Design Your Own Sex Toy competition, we've decided to let you know about some of the more memorable (if non-winning prize entries).
We'll be putting the most distinctive of the also-rans on this blog over the next few weeks, so watch this space for eye-boggling toy action.
At Lovehoney we always like to see customers getting the most from their products, so you can imagine our delight when we received the following two Orgasm Army sex toy reviews, both by the same keen anal fan:
"This is a great dong that is fat & thick & long! I love it. It flexes and is soft yet firm enough to dive deep into my ass. I have a lot of experience with this product and the first time I used it I could only take a little more than half of it… "
See the full Double Juicer Double Dong review at Orgasm Army.
Buy the Double Juicer Double Dong at Lovehoney.
"I got this big dildo\balloon a few weeks back & now it is one of my favourite dildos. I have many large toys but this one is different. I began by fingering my rectum & readying it. Then I slathered Astroglide over it & lubed my asshole once more. I forced the dong into my ass & slowly began working it around & sliding it in deeper & deeper. It felt fantastic. Then I squeezed the bulb twice to see my eyes pop out of my head…"
See the full Cock Locker Monster Inflatable Dildo review at Orgasm Army.
Buy the Cock Locker Monster Inflatable Dildo at Lovehoney.
Britain has always had a curious relationship with Japan: we're both small island nations with bad weather and distinctive diets (deep-fried Mars Bars and fish'n'chips vs sushi and miso), with an obsessive nostalgia for days of bygone glory that feeds a delusional sense of importance on the world stage.
But while British boffins dedicate their technological skills to boring stuff like building indestructible speed cameras, the Japanese encourage their eggheads to think big and wild. Who had the first used pantie dispensing machine? Japan. With this in mind, Lovehoney's eyes are always peeled for the latest developments on the Japanese sex toy front, and we're proud to announce some remarkable new products now in stock…
When it comes down to it, most of us prefer to make love in the bedroom. Sure the bath or kitchen are fun every now and again, but for all-round ease-of-use, you can't beat the boudoir. But do you sometimes find that the bed is, well, too flat? This is where the Liberator sex furniture comes in. It may look like a big wedge of cheese, but it's designed to get you in the perfect position to receive or give pleasure. Turns any flat bed into a mountain-range of orgasmic delight! We've only just started selling these items, so we'd love to hear from any satisfied (or unsatisfied) punters.
Lovehoney is humbly proud to announce the launch of a unique new sex toy - the Inch Perfect vibrator. Available in 2 sizes - regular 9 inches and mini 6 inches - it's the only sex toy that dares to answer the question: how deep it your love? Plus, we've done a really nifty animation for it - Inch Perfect is the first sex toy in space!
Going back a couple of hundred years design-wise, Dr Joel Kaplan's Female Enhancement Kit isn't strictly speaking a toy but a clitoral aid designed to medical specifications - but as any bondage enthusiast dismayed by furry handcuffs knows, authenticity is everything in role play, and this would fit perfectly with a labcoat, a pair of surgical gloves and a concerned bedside manner.
If you haven't played doctors and nurses since the playground, now's your chance to hone your medical skills.
While we don't (yet) stock anything quite as futuristic as the Virtual Hole, a bold bid in the teledildonics stakes from Japan, we've been mighty impressed with a couple of our new products.
Doc Johnson's Hub is a gorgeously designed space-age sex toy comprising two vibrators - one realistic, one beaded - with a stunning 8 functions and 8 speeds for each, from the readily approachable Vibrate or Pulsate functions to the wilder reaches of Escavibe and Freefall.
As the space race starts (slowly) picking up again, we think every astronaut should have their pick of the current crop of toys to combat zero-G ennui, and the Hub would fit well with NASA's ergonomically designed capsules.
We spoke to Design A Sex Toy winner Trevor Murphy to find out what inspired his design - and how he felt about winning £1,000 and the chance to have his sex toy made!
What inspired the design?
"I had designed two toys for the competition already, based on existing toys already on the market. I really wanted it to be original so I had a look at the toys out there for ladies…