The Sun yesterday ran a baffling article (baffling for those, like me, who are baffled by football, anyway) about an ongoing wrangle between Crystal Palace chairman Simon Jordan and Birmingham City bosses David Sullivan (Sunday Sport owner and all-round porn baron) and David Gold, co-owner of Ann Summers and smut rag company Gold Star Publishers.
Most of you use our toys - even the Fleshlight - together, and manage to make everything from the Ass Shaker to the Snowman Spanking Paddle part of a stable, loving relationship. On the strength of a couple of reviews we've seen recently on Orgasm Army, though, it looks like some of you might be getting a little too close to your toys. Better watch out, or you'll end up slavering over Serenity's Perfect Feet. Not that there's anything wrong with that, of course. We present these reviews in the spirit of humour and full disclosure about the toy mania that can strike anyone - anywhere…
Fun Factory produces a range of excellent sililcone vibrators which have proved very popular at Lovehoney over the years. We just found a promotional video for the range which we've put for you on Sex Toys TV. We think the only explanation for the slightly strange sex toy daydreaming is that Fun Factory is a German company - something seems to have been lost in the translation…!
You'd have thought US site www.xfanz.com, the 'World's Adult Entertainment Capital', was beyond being shocked by anything in the weird and wonderful world of sex toys. But a recent entry saw one of their intrepid reporters musing various worst-case scenarios involving the stud strap and professing himself 'extremely hesitant to let my partner pull a strap that's connected to my balls'. We at Lovehoney think that maybe it's time he looked for a new partner … we like the Stud Strap so much we've even made a short film about it!
I love large, vibrating butt plugs. In fact, I have built up quite a collection over the years that I use on my lovers and allow them to use on me when I'm in need of some anal stimulation. But I've just come across a brilliant butt plug that not only vibrates, but it lights up too!
Beauty is, as they say, only skin deep. Or it was until some recent developments in sex toy technology, anyway! Medics are renowned for their ability to ooh and aah over a particularly attractive liver, and thanks to Lovehoney you too can join in as spectator or entrant in this ongoing beauty contest for the inside of people's bodies.
You've let a butterfly tickle your clit. You've let a double bunny's ears massage your anus. But a crab? If the words 'crabs' and 'sex' bring to mind only pictures of unwanted genital infestations, this entry in our Design a Sex Toy competition should encourage you to shrug off your kabourophobian prejudices (that means 'fear of crabs', for those of you who don't want to look it up). Having always been shocked and dismayed by the lack of marine-themed sex toys - just imagine what the eight-armed octopus could do! - we're tickled pink by the idea of the Promiscuous Pincer, 'inspired by the claw of a friendly toy crab'. All together now… aaaah!
Make love not war! While many of the products Lovehoney stocks follow the swords into ploughshares concept - think of the missile-shaped Colt 12-inch Rocket Anal Tool, for instance - few toy ideas are quite as ingenious as this also-ran entry in our Design a Sex Toy competition. Apparently inspired by unsubstantiated accounts of gay Glasgow gangs adapting some of their favourite weapons in the wake of the first wave of ecstasy use in the late 80s, the knuckle thruster has it all: street smarts, adaptable connectors and vicious chic.
If our collection of novelty butt plugs just doesn't do it for you, or if you've ever dreamed of ravishing maidens with your scaly skin and fiery breath, this also-ran entry in our Design a Sex Toy competition would have made your fantasies come true. If it had won … But given the danger of being stabbed by a Christian in an England football shirt as you swagger around in your dragon tail, perhaps this is all for the best!
Lovehoney looks kindly on bedroom scientists, and recognises that those of you looking for a challenge may be less interested in our sex doll range than in putting something together yourselves. We've noticed that if you put together enough of our male masturbators you'll pretty much have a complete, entire person, which you can then take apart and reassemble to your heart's content.