• Hide your sex toys in the Extra Large Adult Sex Toy Case Hiding your sex toys from prying eyes (whether they belong to your children, your flatmate or the home-help) is a priority for many people. On Orgasm Army, the Hiding them from the Kids thread has lots of handy hints for keeping your privates, er, private.

    It looks like the only way to be really sure is to keep your sex toys under lock and key in a dressing table or bedside cabinet. Or a safe. This Adult Sex Toy Case can help if you don't have suitably equipped bedroom furniture - it's supplied with a padlock and key.

    You have to feel for Orgasm Army member Pink Sock who went on holiday to find that her toy chest had been invaded…

    "I actually went overseas to live for a year and left my toys in a box that was taped up to the max. Unfortunately curiosity must have gotten the better of a family member, because when I returned the tape had been cut and taped over… I had to throw the toys out after someone suggested my mother had been using them…"

    Eek.

    Remote Control Snuggler Butterfly Vibrator Is Orgasm Army member KeithB the only perv in the village? Going by this delirious review it doesn't sound like it - the air in his secluded Welsh valley must be ringing with the sound of butterflies (yes, that kind) and sneakily inserted bullet vibrators. What we like most about this review is the cautionary tale at its heart - don't laugh at your friend's bullet-packed ass until you're sure you aren't packing one yourself! Sort of a modern version of 'People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones'. I did say sort of…

    Gwhizzer Sex Toy (small picture) Looks painful, doesn't it? All those hard plastic edges and that long spiny bit… but educational somehow, the kind of toy you could hand in as the practical part of a Design GCSE exam. If they have such things. And your teacher might well prefer a CyberSkin Cyber Suck (if he's a he) or a Vibrating Rock Chick (if she's a she). Still, at least this also-ran entry in our Design a Sex Toy competition isn't made out of Meccano - that would mean the contestant, who we suspect to be someone close to Lovehoney's heart, really did have a screw loose…

    Green Eyed Monster Vibrator Sex Toy (small picture) Men are from Mars, women are from Venus, eh? So where does that put the Green-eyed Monster Vibe? If you've ever had a pantie-dampening moment while watching Attack of the Saucermen or Mars Attacks, or if you've suffered the trauma of alien abduction and want to put the experience behind you (not that hole, Mr Grey!) with some ribtickling sex-toy play, this is the vibe for you. Unfortunately it's not actually going to be made - or not by us, at least - because it didn't win our Design a Sex Toy competition. Still, you have to love any entry that features the phrase 'the man puts the monster on his penis'. We've all been there, pal …

    Candy Garter - just add teeth Ever since Jodie Marsh was seen sporting an underwear ensemble made entirely of sweets, the candy underwear range has been a real hit. It's a great birthday gift idea and also a good choice for hen or stag night hilarity. Giving a jokey present is actually a good way to try something new in the bedroom - if your partner turns their nose up, it's easy to laugh it off and say it's just a joke.

    But sometimes, like Orgasm Army reviewer Lisa1984 you can turn a joke present into the cue for a red-hot night of passion…

    "One of my friends bought me one of these on my 21st birthday, when I opened it we all had a laugh. 'I will save it for later in the bed room,' I told 'em all. Later when me and my fiancee went to bed I put it on, but I had forgotten he has no teeth and could not bite into it! Lol!…"

    You really couldn't make it up… :-)

    Jack Rabbit Pearl vibrator Poor Orgasm Army cadet KLASSK… We can understand why many of you like to name your vibrators - the cute smiley face, the loveable tickling ears - but you may find, as in the following tale, that it makes you too emotionally attached!

    14-inch Extreme Dildo with Suction Cup Yowser! We know you like your anal toys out there - in fact it's probably safe to say that without ass there could be no Lovehoney. No ifs or - uh - butts (sorry). But we don't often see the kind of enthusiasm expressed in this review from Orgasm Army, which shows a level of evangelical fervour usually reserved for rants about the Messiah's second coming. The Church of Ass, now that's a thought…

    Adam and Eve 8-inch PleasureSkin dildo
    The Sun yesterday ran a baffling article (baffling for those, like me, who are baffled by football, anyway) about an ongoing wrangle between Crystal Palace chairman Simon Jordan and Birmingham City bosses David Sullivan (Sunday Sport owner and all-round porn baron) and David Gold, co-owner of Ann Summers and smut rag company Gold Star Publishers.

    Pandora Vibrating Silicone Prostate Massager review

    Most of you use our toys - even the Fleshlight - together, and manage to make everything from the Ass Shaker to the Snowman Spanking Paddle part of a stable, loving relationship. On the strength of a couple of reviews we've seen recently on Orgasm Army, though, it looks like some of you might be getting a little too close to your toys. Better watch out, or you'll end up slavering over Serenity's Perfect Feet. Not that there's anything wrong with that, of course. We present these reviews in the spirit of humour and full disclosure about the toy mania that can strike anyone - anywhere…

    Strange sex toy daydream Fun Factory produces a range of excellent sililcone vibrators which have proved very popular at Lovehoney over the years. We just found a promotional video for the range which we've put for you on Sex Toys TV. We think the only explanation for the slightly strange sex toy daydreaming is that Fun Factory is a German company - something seems to have been lost in the translation…!

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