It's not every day you see a toy review with a line like 'my penis had strong marks on it which made my Mistress happy', but then the CB-2000 Points of Intrigue isn't an everyday toy. Boys, if the idea of cock clamping makes you shrivel, make sure you sit down with a nice stiff drink before reading this. And girls, this is for - uh - consensual sex play, OK?
Spotted in the Metro last Wednesday: Cambodians warned over DIY penis enlargement. Apparently a Cambodian man injected hair tonic into his penis in the hopes that it would make it grow - or maybe to give it thicker, more lustrous hair, who knows? In the event it caused massive ulceration, the pain from which was so great that the man hanged himself, the poor sod.
Want a piledriver orgasm? Who doesn't? To paraphrase erotic author Yolanda Celbridge in yesterday's interview, there's no time so good that a little O My Clitoral Stimulating Gel can't make it better. One of our Orgasm Army reviewers clearly thinks so, trying it with her man, a small pencil vibe, a willy dildo then a GX4 super rabbit - talk about road testing! Thank god she 'locked the cats out of the room', eh?
It may look a bit like the evil robot in Terminator 2, but the Head Honcho delivers. As you'd sort of expect it to with a name like that… If your memory needs refreshing, the Head Honcho's a male masturbator with a unique three-suction chamber that delivers in spades - so much so that it was awarded 'Top Toy of the Year' by the US TV series 'Talk Sex With Sue Johanson'.
Sex toys are all about bringing play back into an adult world that seems obsessively fixated on work. And they don't come much more playful than the I Rub My Duckie Waterproof Vibrator, which recreates all the fun of splashy bathtime with the extra perks of being grown-up. And no, we don't mean being able to vote. The following Orgasm Army reviewer's certainly got in a lather about her Duckie…
Pegging. It isn't in the dictionary yet, but it may be soon, as it's fast moving from a fringe practice to a must-try for the sexually adventurous - the prim, the prude, and those who feel uneasy playing power games with their girlfriends need not apply. So what is it? Pegging is when a woman wears a strap-on dildo to penetrate her partner's ass. No, it's not gay, and yes, you might get to like it - but you'll need to get a harness like the Doc Johnson Vac-U-Lock Leather Ultra Harness 3000 to try it out. If you're anything like this Orgasm Army reviewer, you'll have the time of your life!
While there's no room for false modesty in the cut-and-thrust world of sex toy retail, we're not ones to blow our own trumpet. In fact, we don't really need to, with Orgasm Army reviews like the following, of our very own Lovehoney Silver Jessica Rabbit Vibrator. Why trust us when you can read what happy punters have to say? Not that you shouldn't trust us, you understand… but we'll even throw in a free Lovehoney User Guide to the Rabbit worth £6.99 for goodwill if you realise you can't live without this rabbit after reading the review!
"Dear Love Honey
Thank you. It's all down to you. Back on 28/4 my partner and I ordered the liquorice dip butt plug triple pack because he had wanted to introduce me to anal play. I was at first not to keen but with the help of the info on your site I agreed to give it a try so long as he agreed to follow your advice, hence the purchase of the butt plug set.
Finally tonight I have lost my true anal virginity. I feel so proud of myself. Over the last couple of weeks we have made careful use of the plugs and the Tracy Cox lube until a couple of evenings ago Nick was able to get the six incher up me. It felt fantastic especially when he went to work on my little pussy.
When we went to bed tonight at about 12 out came the plugs and I quite easily took the sixer and we got down to a good bout of sex, I was building to what I thought was going to be a great cum when Nick suddenly pulled out turned me over pulled the plug from my botty lubed me up and just slid his prick into my back passage. God, it was fantastic, so once again thanks for the products but more importantly the help and advice on your wonderful site.
Love you guys…"
Another good product for anal first-timers is the Tracey Cox Supersex Anal Beginners Kit, which features a pert pink butt plug, the aforementioned anal lube and an exclusive how-to guide from TV sex expert Tracey Cox.
When an Orgasm Army reviewer starts reviewing the Dick Rambone cock with the words 'If you're looking for a dildo that will surprise and amaze your friends', you know you're in the presence of greatness. Which is probably what the reviewer thinks about the Dick Rambone… But at 18 inches long, where on earth can you keep it? If you don't want to surprise and amaze your friends, that is.
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. The sage who first coined these wise words probably wasn't thinking about the
Eclipse Ultra 7 Anobolic Anal Vibrator at the time, but he may as well have been… The following review, by an intrepid Orgasm Army ass stuffer, tells a moving story of satisfying anal penetration undaunted by initial failure. There's a lesson to be learned here, folks…