• More dirty talk – erotic reading to get you fired up

    Buy Searching for Sex at Lovehoney So, how did it go the other night? Did you try those two simple examples I talked you through last week? Asking and sharing about what turns you and your lover on in bed is a major step towards full-blown dirty talk. It can be a little embarrassing for some though, and it will take them a while to make that leap between "Oooh" and "Oooh, I love it when you lick me there."

    So, if you were among those who felt a bit too exposed when sharing and asking your lover what turns them on, and vice versa, I've got a nifty trick that will help enhance you sexual confidence and make it easier for you to start talking dirty to one another.

    O' My Natural LubricantI tried a new position last night, which, at first, I never thought would make me come, but it did… twice. So I thought I would share it with you guys in the hope that it gets you off as much as it did me.

    It's probably called a million different names to a million different people, but I'm going to call this particular position the Horizontal Spoon.

    The Horizontal Spoon is quite simple when you establish a rhythm, but actually getting into the position takes a tiny bit of maneuvering. You can either perform the Horizontal Spoon on your bed, your sofa or on the floor, and you'll need to apply a generous amount of lube beforehand – no matter how wet you are. The lube we used last night was called O' My Natural Lubricant", and I highly recommend it for grindier, more vigorous sex.

    In this position your lover needs to lie straight on his back. There's an easy way to get into the Horizontal Spoon, which I tried last night and it worked without any discomfort. When you lover is lying on his back, straddle him in the Reverse Cowgirl position – gentle lower yourself down on to his penis with your bottom facing towards him.

    'Get over here now and suck my clit hard, then plough your big, fat fuck-rod dick into my soaking wet pussy mountain.'

    Don't be too shocked by the above statement. We're quite some way off that kind of one-liner for now, but that's exactly what we'll be aiming for in the near future. Surprised?

    If your absolute burning desire is to find out how to tell your lover that they make you 'want to come really hard,' then you're in the wrong place. If you want to know how to tell your lover what makes you come; what you want them to do to you and vice versa; and how to use a plethora of filthy phrases and dirty words to tip your lover over the orgasmic edge in bed, congratulations! You're in the right place.

    My name is Bad kitty and I have been a very Bad Kitty.

    I promised you that last Friday you would be reading the first in a master class series of how to talk dirty to your lover. I didn't post it. But I have a very good reason why it didn't appear.

    Hey sex kittens

    Don't miss tomorrow's blog, as it will be the first part in a new Masterclass series about how to talk dirty to your lover.

    We're going to start off simply with a few sexy phrases and suggestions of scenarios in which to use them; working all the way up over the next few weeks to turn you into a dirty sex talk goddess.

    See you in class tomorrow… and don't be late or I'll spank your bottom!

    They're back…

    Not content with grabbing the bosoms of embarrassed women and criticising their fashion tastes to the point of abuse, on their old BBC Show What Not To Wear, self-professed fashion stylists Trinny and Susannah are now hell-bent on trying their hand at 'healing marriages' in a new sex show.

    Trinny And Susannah Undress starts next Tuesday (3 Oct) on ITV1, and is said to revolve around married couples whose sex lives have taken a nosedive.

    And how exactly do Trinny and Susannah think they can put the "Oooh" back into a stale, 'sex is the last thing on my mind' marriage? By hiring a hotel room and locking the poor marital sods in there, with all manner of kinky treats including leopard-print handcuffs, edible panties and body paint.

    Susannah even takes one of the women featured on the show shopping for sex toys. Let's hope she starts them off on a Mini Rabbit vibe and not a Strap-on…

    According to the press release, Trinny And Susannah Undress also contains a segment called Naked Truth, during which the couple they're trying to help gets the chance to strip off behind a screen and talk about each other's bodies. Hmmm, here's hoping for some dirty talk!

    I'll definitely be checking this out next Tuesday, if not to see if they actually achieve anything with this program but to see what Trinny and Susannah deem 'sexy' when it comes to male underpants.

    If you have a spare few minutes whilst at home or in work this afternoon, hop on over to the BBC website and check out their bizarre but true story of Beijing's Penis Emporium.

    Dog penises and testes, donkey cock, snake penises (snakes apparently have two each penises, according to a source quoted in the piece); sheep, horse, ox, seal and tiger. Apparently, all tastes and bank balances are catered for at Beijing's Penis Emporium.

    I know the old saying goes something like, 'Don't knock it until you try it.' But seal penis? I don't think so…

    Celebrator ToothbrushYou gotta hand it to Jonathan Ross. Not only does he have an incredibly sexy wife, a glossy mane of hair and a brilliant TV show, but he's also got a penchant for bringing out the sex toys… on national TV!

    Did any of you guys watch last Friday's show? It seems as though sex toy manufacturers are finally catching on to the thought that horny teenage girls, and those who can't afford a Rampant Rabbit just yet, turn to their electric toothbrushes for an altogether more satisfying form of oral sex.

    Yep, now you can buy a wondrous little device called the Brush Bunny, which is a mini vibe head that you attach to the end of your electric tooth cleaner. All you need to do is attach your Brush Bunny to the end of your toothbrush, flick the switch and, er, buzz away!

    The Brush Bunny isn't on sale just yet, but in the meantime, hop on over to Lovehoney.co.uk and check out their handy Celebrator Toothbrush sex toy. Just make sure you opt for lube and not toothpaste when using it…

    You may think this blog has nothing to do with sex, but you're wrong. Looking amazing and feeling confident about yourself is the biggest turn-on ever. So read on!

    At last: a reason to brave the cinema-going hordes! I love, love, love the amazing Meryl Streep she cracked me up playing opposite Goldie Horn and Bruce Willis in Death Becomes Her – and now she's back with another must-see flick, The Devil Wears Prada.

    Streep plays Miranda Priestly, the terrifying Editor of fashion bible Runway, and has the power to destroy the career and reputation of a fashion designer with just one stroke of her poisonous pen. When she recruits fashion graduate Andy (played by the beautiful Anne Hathaway) to assist her on the magazine, Priestly delights in setting the frumpy grad impossible tasks. One of which being to get her hands on the unpublished manuscript of a new Harry Potter book.

    First off, this isn't something I have actually done myself. Having said that, I'll be giving it a shot pretty damn soon!

    No, making a sexy tape and playing it for a lover was something a friend of mine did for her second wedding anniversary recently. Hot stuff, huh? I personally think that beats any Swiss Army Knife or personalized silver tankard present, or whatever the hell you're supposed to buy your hubbie/wife according to those ancient wedding anniversary rules.

    Apparently, my friend had been watching a porn film with her husband a few weeks before their pending anniversary and one of the scenes inspired her to make a little home recording of her own. It wasn't to shoot her own mini porno, but to record her voice on tape for her husband to play back before their steamy night of, er, re-consecrating their wedding vows…

    The main thing you need to remember when making an erotic tape recording is to keep it sexy and let yourself flow. Curt, stifled sexual commands or confessions will sound rigid and anything but erotic, so have a glass of wine and relax before you commit your sexy thoughts to tape. And don't forget that, like most home recordings – be it cassette tape, CD or video – they will be lying around for a long time, so be sure you can trust your partner not to whip it out at his next lads' night in.

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