Forget singles nights, renting dodgy porn flicks and using your electric toothbrush in place of a vibrator; 2007 is all about sex and technology. From meeting new lovers on MySpace and filming your own porn movie through to playing with 'couple-friendly' sex toys and trying a spot of pole dancing in your own home, this year will see you getting it on at the push of a button…
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Paying your lover half-assed compliments, getting them hammered on cheap wine and buying them gifts from the petrol station may seem like a dead-cert to shagville, but you couldn't be more wrong. If you're desperate to get your lover into bed but they're feeling more washed-out than fired-up, try these quick and painless tips for making them feel hornier than Jenna Jameson wielding a G-spot massager.
Did anyone watch Ugly Betty last night? I think I'm going through a lazy phase at the moment where all I want to do is come home from work, crash on the sofa, eat ice-cream and watch Sky TV. After hearing loads of hype about Ugly Betty I decided to give the program a whirl. Well, I'm completely smitten now. It has to be the only glossy series on Sky that you can actually veg out infront of and not feel inadequate! After all, Betty's eyebrows are a real shock to the system when you first see them…
Can't wait til next week's episode!
It seems like all Channel 4 are doing these days is pumping out re-runs of old sexumentaries on lap dancing, strip clubs and swingers. Tuesday night was a perfect example. I sat down to watch a program about the lap-dancing war of the 90s, pretty confident that it couldn't be a re-run of the lap dancing sexumentary they ran earlier in the year, but sure enough it was.
All I want to watch is a mini-series of sexumentaries about the new lap and pole-dancing craze that's got British women working up a hot sweat. Loads of my friends are taking up lap and pole dancing classes – I've been going myself for the past two years – but there has yet to be any kind of program (as far as I know) that follows beginners starting out in pole dancing classes and showing different moves, etc. Sure, you can buy specific DVDs on lap dancing, pole dancing and striptease, but why isn't there a sexumentary on what is fast becoming one of the most fun (and sexy) ways to loose weight while spicing up your sex life and boosting your personal confidence?
OK, here's one for all you girlies: the importance of using Dental Dams! I know it's not the sexiest thing you've read in a while, and I myself have been guilty of going down on a girl without using any kind of protection, but oral thrush isn't the lasting memory you want after eating out a hot woman. Unfortunately, that's the risk you take if you have a one-night stand and don't use a Dam. As my friends found out on New Year's Eve.
Remember that swingers party I told you we were going to? Turns out that two of my old school friends always had a thing for each other, so they got it on in a big way at the swingers party. Trouble is, one of the girls had something else the other didn't know about: thrush. Both of them are feeling slightly embarrassed right now, not to mention itchy, but I'm please to say they will be meeting up again. And yes, I did give them a decent supply of Dental Dams to get on with. So now it's your turn…
I'm assuming that you know what STI's are and how you can catch them, but remarkably some girls still don't know that you can catch an STI through lapping up the vaginal secretions of another women. The chances of catching something through oral sex may be slim compared to actual sex or anal sex, but if you have a cut or sore in your mouth you are leaving yourself open to unnecessary risk.
Do you remember when I told you that Sasha was an active lesbian in Uni? Well, she caught a really bad case of oral thrush after dating this girl for a couple of weeks. The smell when Sasha spoke was quite foul, so I can only imagine what it was like actually having her mouth infected by the stuff.
Just a quick one to wish you all a very happy (and filthy) New Year! I'm off to a swingers party tonight – managed to rope some old school mates into coming along too, so it's gonna be an interesting to see how they handle it.
Now where did I put my masquerade mask…
Ever since I was about 16-years-old, my dreams have generally had some kind of sex theme running through them. But lately, over the past few weeks or so, my dreams seem to revolve around one thing: oral sex. It doesn't matter what kind of dream I'm having – be it a nightmare, a flashback to something that has happened in my life, or a dream in which I've committed a crime or have been late for something (bizarrely, school crops up a lot) – the dream seems to stop half-way through and then it's all about me getting eaten out by whoever is in my dream.
It's totally bizarre, but it's been happening more and more lately. One morning last week I dreamt that I was shoplifting in Liberty's (London) and I remember feeling so scared because the security guard was absolutely huge and was chasing me through the store. I got as far as the fire exit before he dragged me back in and threw me in his office, but it wasn't to call the police. He thrust me down on his desk and started to eat me out vigorously, ripping off my pants with his teeth and using his baton to fuck me. I got so turned on that I woke up and my pussy was streaming with juices.
I don't usually buy Christmas presents for my lovers, but this year I couldn't resist picking up a few of the Good Vibrations Bump And Grind Cock Rings for my close male friends. Ideal for making each of my lover's cocks look bigger and thicker than normal, the Bump And Grind also has a reversible softskin sleeve to make sure their cocks are snug and protected while the ring is in place, acting as a much needed friction barrier.
Christmas may be over, but you never need an excuse to go sex toy shopping, and if you want your lover's penis to feel harder than Superman's biceps then you need to get your hands on the Bump And Grind. The vibrating bullet tucked underneath the Good Vibrations Bump And Grind cock ring will bring your man up to speed in no time, and it will also mean vibrating action for you, too. There's nothing to lose with this cock ring, except a wild orgasm if you don't get one!
I hope Santa has brought all you naughty kittens some sexy goodies for Christmas? I have a few gorgeous treats to play with over the next few days, and Santa even brought me a few items off my Christmas wish list: the Electric Eyezone Massager, the Rock Chick vibrator and the Bubblegum ID Juicy lube. Yummy!
Anyway, I've got a serious amount of champagne to quaff so I'd better get back to disposing of the wrapping paper littering my parents living room. Hey, you didn't expect me not to come home for Christmas did you? I have to say, I am a little disturbed at the thought of two days straight without any sex, but my Rock Chick should get me through quite nicely. And no, my parents didn't buy me any sex toys for Christmas… I told you, Santa did.
BK x x x