Recently, we were asked the question: "How does one begin to feel sex positive when sex has not always been a positive experience?". So we reached out to therapist and coach Esther De La Ford for her advice on how to rediscover your sexual happiness.
If I could give anyone who has experienced sexual trauma only 2 pieces of advice, it would be these.
Let yourself completely off the hook. Ditch expectations. Be open to the high possibility of tears, breakdowns, and your body and brain just not playing ball sometimes. Then love yourself anyway.
Throw everything you've got at it and see what sticks. Don't only try one mindfulness technique, or go to a few sessions at a Rape and Sexual Abuse Clinic you're not really into, or read the first 3 chapters of a tantra book a mate suggested and then forget about it. Try EVERYTHING. This is your life, your body, your sexual wellbeing. It deserves everything you've got.
These are the two pieces of advice I would give if we were meeting in a pub toilet and didn't have very long to chat, but thankfully we have a bit more time here.
So here are my top tips for cultivating a healthy space to start enjoying sex again after sexual trauma.
Have you ever caught a whiff of someone, and suddenly they’re really attractive to you? You’re not alone: there’s a link between seduction and smell that’s as old as civilisation itself.
The sciencey bit: When an odour stimulates the receptors in our nose, they pass electrical impulses (or patterns) to our brain which the brain interprets and perceives as a smell. Our sense of smell is 10,000 times more sensitive than any of our other senses, and recognition of smell is immediate.
Psychologists believe that the area of the brain that processes scent is also the part that processes emotions — and certain odours can make us feel stimulated, aroused, and excited.
With that in mind, here are some of the sexiest scents, as proven by science, guaranteed to get you in the mood and more.
Buying something with the sole intention of using it in the bedroom to enhance your sex life is, well, a real commitment to your sex life and partner.
There’s a whole sea of guides and articles with recommendations of sex toys for heterosexual couples, but these may well be met with a blank stare if you’re in a lesbian or gay relationship.
Many sex toys can be used by any ‘body’, alone or with a partner, but to help you find the best of the best sex toys for female-female couples and male-male couples, we’ve scoured our customer reviews, sought advice from our community members and spoken to our in-house experts.
Put your hands together for the line up of the best sex toys for same-sex couples:
Here at Lovehoney, we talk about foreplay A LOT (and for a good reason too!).
Much more than just some sexual appetiser that you quickly wolf down before the main course, foreplay is a crucial part of experiencing great sex.
Foreplay gives both your body and mind a chance to become fully aroused. This mounting anticipation means that when it's time for the main event, you'll be champing at the bit!
We hear about general foreplay tips all the time, but we ask you, dear reader – where's all the helpful advice on incredible anal foreplay?
Although it is literally located in the rear, when it comes to foreplay tips, the bum is sometimes being left behind. Well, we won't stand for it, so here are eight of the best anal foreplay tips. Bottoms up!
Summer is offically upon us, and for many of us that means dusting off your sequinned cape in preparation for festival season.
Whether you're shaking your sparkle-encrusted booty at Bestival (it's called a glitter bum, look it up), or heading to Shambala to frolic in fancy dress, festivals seem to be the perfect setting for sexytime.
Why? They're self-contained wonderlands where feelings of freedom mingle with warm cider, and inhibitions are left at the entrance.
And while unwashed bodies and that unforgettable portaloo smell wouldn't usually be a recipe for a romp, more people are knocking wellies at festivals than you'd think.
So before you check your tent pegs and charge up your festival phone, make sure you've packed this rucksack-ready sexy survival kit.
Women have known the wonderful benefits of a wand for decades, ever since Hitachi’s Magic Wand found itself serving a new purpose in the bedrooms of women all over the world. The deep vibrations are incredible for external clitoral stimulation, a discovery more stimulating than alternating current.
But it’s only seemingly recently that men are coming (eheh) to find the wand’s magical uses for themselves.
From dealing with post-gym aches, to being a veritable partner-pleaser, having a wand in your possession can transform the way you live your life.
Here are five no-brainer reasons you need a wand...
For many of us, going to see our GP is downright hassle. But for others, it’s the stuff of fantasy.
At first, those on the outside looking in may find medical fetishes tricky to understand. After all, lots of people associate doctors, nurses and a visit to the hospital with feeling poorly rather than aroused.
However, if you pay close attention to pop culture, you’ll pick up on the everyday medical fetishism that exists around us. Look at the iconic cover art for Blink 182’s ‘Enema of the State’ album, for example.
Plus, who can forget Turk’s X rated dream about Elliot in Scrubs?
There is a broad speculum - sorry, spectrum - of extremely varied activities that fall into the category of medical fetishes. In fact, it is one of the most eclectic fetishes that there is!
So, if you're ready to play doctors and nurses, let's lay this fetish bare together.