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I’m not suprised your sex life is non-existent - you’re not going to want to be intimate and loving in an atmosphere of constant confrontation.
If you’re trying to conceive, the best time to have intercourse is on the day you ovulate and the five days leading up to it.
It's not quite as simple as getting your wife to let you try anal sex. I think the answer here is to look at the bigger picture.
I usually recommend beginners start with a clitoral vibrator that’s non-threatening and simple to use.
I have a worrying suspicion that you may mean you’re taking the head off the shower hose and inserting it to use it as an anal douche?