With more than 2,500 applications, we had to have some way of choosing the right couples, so we asked potential Sperm Testers why they thought they'd make good test subjects for our suck-it-and-see trial.
We receieved a mind-boggling selection of responses from eager couples, many of which gave a startling insight into their relationships. You can just imagine the pillow talk…
1 "We've dyed his pubic hair, made a cock mould and put Space Dust inside me."
2 "After gobbling the same goo for 13 years, I'd definitely notice any difference in taste."
3 "My partner is a smoker and I would appreciate anything that would change the bitter taste in his fluids."
4 "I love to cum on her face and drink it after."
5 "We love to make each other sponk by mouth, tongue, WHAHEY"
6 "They don't call me the Wacky Cum Swallower for nothing!"
7 "We are both fussy eaters trying to get our five a day fruit and veg :)!!!!"
8 "Jon can cum for England (he is very generous with his 'load')"
9 "Pam is in the middle of changing her pill and can't have intercourse for the next month. The only sexual fun we are going to have is oral."
10 "I know how Stephen's semen tastes better than my own saliva. I'd notice any differences."
When we were searching for a couple of Sperm Testers we asked you tell us where you'd had oral sex. It seems that there is absolutely nowhere you won't do it and nowhere you haven't done it…
1 "My granny's orthopaedic bed, with vibrating function….ooohh!!!!" And then had a go on the Stannah just for good measure.
2 "Beach, Carribean, Portugal, Kenya, Gran Canaria." Kind of a holiday treat for you, then?
3 "St Paul's Whispering Gallery." Shhhh! I'm coming!
4 "Tent (in field surrounded by others. repeatedly), on a public moving train (in the loos!)."
5 "On a coach. And by the way, we were in a traffic jam when we did whilst driving."
6 "I have done it underwater a couple of times while we scuba dive, we are both instructors." That's a relief. Always practise safe sex.
7 "Fireworks display." Is that a Roman Candle or…
8 "Hospital (in-patient); car bonnet; church altar (consecrated)." Does it make it better or worse that is was consecrated?
9 "In a cardboard box outside Wal*Mart during a live radio promotion." Raises more questions than it answers.
10 "Eurostar train on way back from paris (mm… very sexy)." Zut alors!
We were overwhelmed by the 2,500 Sperm Tester applications, so we've chosen another test couple. They've also agreed to donate a month of oral sex to the advancement of sexual science…
Sperm tester: Maya (Maya is a swallower)
Sperm donor: Shane
Maya and Shane have been a couple for 21 months and say they have oral sex a couple of times a week.
They have had oral sex in a remarkable number of places, including their kitchen, bathroom and lounge, as well as the front seat and back of their car, both stationary and while in motion. Crikey.
Maya says they would be great Sperm Testers because "We love oral sex!" It really is that simple.
Sperm Testing and Maya's intimate blow-by-blow online account of the trial will begin here on 12 September.
Maya will post a diary message every day, with specially detailed posts describing the taste of Shane's natural emissions every time they have oral sex. A control sample will be taken to gauge Shane's natural level of saltiness before the effects of the Sweet Release test product.
It's the moment we've all been waiting for… Time to introduce the lucky couple who have agreed to donate a month of blow-jobs in the name of science.
Sperm tester: Sarah (Sarah is a swallower)
Sperm donor: Jason
Sarah and Jason have been a couple of 20 months and say they have oral sex a couple of times a week. They have had oral sex in their bedroom, kitchen, bathroom and lounge, so if you're a houseguest of theirs, it's best to knock before entering any room.
Sarah says they would be great Sperm Testers because "We've dyed his pubic hair, made a cock mould and put Space Dust inside me…"
What better qualifications could you have?
Sperm Testing and Sarah's intimate blow-by-blow online account of the trial will begin here on 12 September.
Sarah will post a diary message every day, with specially detailed posts describing the taste of Jason's natural emissions every time they have oral sex. A control sample will be taken to gauge Jason's natural level of saltiness before the effects of the Sweet Release test product.
When we recruited our sperm tester couple, we asked applicants to tell us about unusual places they had had oral sex - here are just some of the replies…
1 "Kemble airfield (in the fire drill plane)" Admirably precise, thank you. Doing it in parked Cessna would have been *so* degrading.
2 "We are from Czech Republic, does it matter?" Er…
3 "Argyle street in Glasgow on a Saturday night (really busy street)." Isn't it more unusual to go down Argyle Street and not get a quickie?
4 "A quarry." And they say romance is dead.
5 "In the hospital." Nurse, the screens!
6 "On my Nans Sewing basket - 'Sticky Jumper darling?'" !!
7 "On the edge of a cliff on the Guisbrough Hills." Living dangerously.
8 "On the London Eye." Impressive way to spend 40 minutes rotating slowly above the River Thames in a glass bubble.
9 "AT MY FRIENDS BBQ IN THIER LOO." Make sure it's not still pink in the middle.
10 "In the middle of local pub - got us banned." How unreasonable!
The new issue of Scarlet magazine features a glowing five-star review of the Fun Factory Intensity Silicone Rechargeable Vibrator, which has been one of our faves for a while.
"The design is stunningly executed," reads the breathless review. "There are various vibe patterns to tickle your fancy, and they all pack a punch with the consisten vibration rbing on orgasm ni under three minutes. What more could you ask for, other than perhaps a cuddle?"
We couldn't agree more. :-)
The Lovehoney Sperm Testers will be sampling the Sweet Release Oral Sex Supplement.
Taken orally (appropriately enough), it's a dietary supplement designed to alter the scent and taste of your sexual fluids. "Imagine the confidence of being able to enjoy oral sex, knowing that a sweet delicious taste and scent is coming from you," says the product blurb.
Two Sweet Release capsules are taken twice a day for 30 days. And by the end of it, he should be tasting a sweet apples.
Our Sperm Testers will each keep an online diary of how their man's taste changes over the course of a month. Fruity!
Back in June we launched a search for a broad-minded couple who would be prepared to test a product that claimed to change the taste of semen.
We thought we might receive a couple of dozen applicants, so were more than delighted to receive more than 2,500 requests to take part from couples who had had oral sex everywhere from the London Eye to "on my nan's sewing basket." Ewww.
We've chosen three couples to take part. They've been sent their test product (and a couple of helpful other items) and the research will begin in earnest on Monday 11 September.
You can follow the couples' blow-by-blow accounts of the 30-day test on the Sperm Tester blog.
By the end of it, the guys' semen should be tasting of lovely sweet sweet apples. But will it? Let's find out!
No, I'm not imagining Dustin Hoffman strapped to Cupid's Couch while John Gielgud bears down on him with a rotating strap-on (though that would make for a good Marathon Man Director's Cut scene), I'm talking about phthalates in sex toys.
A journalist from the US Clamor Magazine (it's like Glamour but more sticky) got in touch to ask, in a totally unbiased way:
"Some manufacturers keep their consumers in the dark in regards to the potentially harmful chemicals, such as phthalates, found in sex toys. Have you or any representative of your company attempted to research how and where the products from Love Honey Limited are manufactured? If so, what were the results of your findings?"
And, she might have added, "Have you now or ever been a member of the Communist Party?" It had me wanting to take the fifth straight away.
We know that phthalates in sex toys - in any product - is a hot topic. Customers are right to be concerned about what they are doing with and to their bodies, so Lovehoney is on a mission to inform and explain.
That's why at the end of every product description on the Lovehoney site, you'll see an exhaustive (and, dare I say it, anal) list of product dimensions, features, controller type, battery requirements and what the item is made of.
There have been a lot of headline-grabbing media stories about phthalates in sex toys, but when you delve beneath the surface, it's not nearly so scary or so simple.
This report - despite its very small words - is essential reading for anyone who wants to delve behind the headlines. Here's a key passage:
"According to an NIH review done in 2000, the biggest source of exposure to phthalates is food. Food constitutes approximately 85-90 percent of phthalate exposure in adults, mostly through meat and fish. For infants, depending on whether a baby is breast or formula fed, the rate is 44-60 percent from food, with the remaining amount in both groups almost entirely attributed to dust."
Dust, anybody? Dust? DUST?
There is no hard scientific data available at present to show that phthalates in sex toys pose a risk to human health.
But even so, Lovehoney aims to provide balanced information so customers can make an informed buying decision.
If you're concerned, it's sensible to make sure that each time you use a sex toy that you put a condom over the top of it. That way, you can give yourself peace of mind, protect yourself from STIs and still enjoy your favourite sex toy.
And if you're still concerned, buy a sex toy made from silicone, elastomer, glass or metal for ultimate peace of mind.
The media is interested in selling newspapers and magazines with scary stories about evil sex toy companies. "Sex toys perfectly OK to use" is not a headline that you'll see running any time soon.