Sick of your furry friend humping strangers' ankles? Tired of taking trousers to the drycleaners to have the pawprints and suspect white stains removed? Stop being so bloody selfish and buy your dog a Feel Addicted) advise, in slightly garbled English, that 'the pink hole beside (the most important part!) needs to be washed regularly for hygienic reasons. Once clean, you can apply some female odour spray on it (the spray is an accessorie) several times per month, when your dog seems sexually hungry or nervous.'
So next time your poodle whimpers after catching a glimpse of next-door's Dobermann, let him bury his anxieties in Hotdoll's hot pink rubber sleeve.
A couple of mildly diverting sex-related stories spotted in the papers: The Sun adds to that old tabloid standby, the inappropriate 999 call, the story of a man calling the police after his wife refused to have sex with him. Apparently he complained that he was being denied his 'matrimonial rights' and wanted an ambulance crew to 'examine' her. The request was denied. To read the full story click here. For similar situations we recommend Fleshlights or, if the object for the couple was an actual medical examination, our broad range of medical toys.
And you thought our happy rhino was weird … The latest sex craze sweeping the nation, according to April 3's The Sun, is couples having sex in furry animal costumes.
We've all been on dates that have gone so badly that we wished the ground would open up and swallow us. Or preferably, open up and swallow our date. Well, I guess the publishers of the best-selling Worst Case Scenario books have been on a few of those dates as well, because they've just released a Dating and Sex book.
Armed with the information in this book, you'll be able to tell if your date is married/an axe-murderer/a bad kisser/ a bad dresser (okay, we made that last one up). It also contains handy hints on what to do in awkward situations like having a credit card declined in a restaurant, or what to do if you can't remember your date's name. That happened to me once with what's-her-name. Check out the Worst Case Scenario Survial Handbook: Dating and Sex here.
And remember, why put up with bad dates when there are so many good sex toys around? Got a disastrous dating story you'd like to share? Tell us (and everyone else).
Hold almost unbearably tight! Precscription drug Viagra could have some more competition by the end of the year - from a Durex condom. The rubber-johnny maker is aiming to launch a revolutionary condom, codename CSD500, in late 2007. Its secret: an "erectogenic compound" called Zanifil that has a similar effect to Viagra but is applied directly to the skin.
The drug is currently waiting for approval by the US Federal Drug Administration and could be be the first Viagra-like chemical to be sold over the counter. If you can't wait til the end of the year, try one our male sex drive boosters.
God Bless the Daily Mail. Ann Summers boss Jacqueline Gold is invited to meet the Queen and rather than celebrate this wonderful award, the Mail runs a lengthy hatchet job entitled The Queen of Sleaze. Terrible.
With rampant assertions that the Ann Summers empire was built off the back of the Gold brothers' porn empire, the Mail clearly knows what turns its readers on - why else would it repeatedly mention magazine titles like Hardcore Housewives and coverlines like "'barely legal young sweet p***y"? (The Mail's asterisks, not mine.) While being exceptionally cruel to Jacqueline Gold, it's a work of journalistic art - until they get some basic facts wrong.
Yes, even the Mail has fallen into the trap of perpetuating the Rampant Rabbit Myth, claiming that Ann Summers's registered trademark vibrator was featured in the Sex And The City TV show. When, as any fool knows, it wasn't.
"[Gold Group's] last accounts show that the [Ann Summers] sex shops accounted for 97 per cent of its £3 million profit in 2005 and 84 per cent of its £145 million turnover," says the Mail. "All this was achieved by persuading women to gather together to buy the Rampant Rabbit Thruster (as seen on Sex In The City)…"
Look inside… if you dare!
"I have had this product for well over a year now. At first I was a little afraid to use it but now it is one of my favourite toys. Insertion is easy as the spec is smooth and once it is right in just squeeze the handles together gently, and several clicks later my pussy is open for the world to see…"
See the full Glow In The Dark Pussy Opener review at Orgasm Army.
Buy the Glow In The Dark Pussy Opener at Lovehoney.
Don't want to get your sheets messy? try these!
"Spread this out across the bed pour on some oil (I favour Tescos’ finest hazelnut) and writhe. Wow, I’ve never managed to teach my partner to give me such pleasure simply through touch. As I roll and writhe about when my breast pulls away from this sheet there is a kind of sucking sensation a bit like having my nipple sucked and kissed…"
See the full Slippery PVC Bedsheets Kingsize review at Orgasm Army.
Buy the Slippery PVC Bedsheets Kingsize at Lovehoney.
Pocket Pal helps chap with inability to ejaculate…
"I'm a 65 year old male who has had a problem with ejaculating. My wife gets worn out trying to help me ejaculate, so we bought some sex toys to help her…"
See the full Pink Vibrating Pocket Pal review at Orgasm Army.
Buy the Pink Vibrating Pocket Pal at Lovehoney.
iBuzz Two knocks spots of music-activated vibrator rivals…
"My "test partner" and I were unexpectedly impressed by the most talked about toy to come out of 2006, the same toy destined to bring more orgasms and unique experiences to adults around the world than any other.
Forget the competitors' copycat models; the iBuzz Two is the only one that has all the options you're going to become addicted to. Believe me. I've just tested the others myself at the 2007 AVN Adult Entertainment Expo with their product designers right there to show me all the tricks and switches.
None compare to the iBuzz Two for several reasons, and I'm thrilled to have my very own to enjoy. Climaxing hasn't been the same since I opened the shiny package…"
See the full iBuzz Two Vibrator - Music Activated Sex Toy review at Orgasm Army.
Buy the iBuzz Two Vibrator - Music Activated Sex Toy at Lovehoney.