"Sex toys aren't exactly like real life, are they?" Jordan opines in the latest issue of Cosmopolitan magazine. "They're as cold as anything. They should make them heated, bring out a new heated range."
Well Katie, you'll be surprised and delighted to learn that you can heat up your sex toys. And we reckon you'll love the Miss Pink Classic Large Dildo 7.5 Inch, one of the finest porcelain dildos on the market. How do you heat it? Simply pop it in some warm water until it reaches the temperature you demand – the porcelain feels just like skin when it's warm.
And if the £179.99 price tag is too rich for your blood, Jordan - it probably isn't - then take a look at our tremendous range of glass dildos, which you can heat up till your heart's content.
Until the high-def streaming movie revolution arrives down my fat pipe, like many people I've resorted to renting DVDs by post. I used to be with Lovefilm but switched allegiance to Blockbuster after they offered a 3-month free trial and I found they had more top titles in stock more often.
The Blockbuster site isn't great, but does a decent job of letting customers know what the new releases are so they can be added to the wish-list with a couple of clicks.
In the New By Week section linked from the home page, Blockbuster says "You can browse all DVDs released over the last twelve weeks. Check out our Pick for each week or find out more with our weekly editorials. Sweet!"
Sweet indeeed! This week, in between recommendations for Transformers, Heroes - Season 1 and Modern Jazz Quartets, there's a slew of titles that start "XXX Hardcore".
What on Planet Blockbuster could they be all about?
Filed under "Ideas Birdie Isn't Sure Are Well-Thought-Out", we've had a plethora of car-sex-toy related news and products coming out. No, I didn't over-hyphenate out of excitement there… I really said Car-Sex-Toy. As in Toys. For Sex. Used in the Car.
First Jeremy Clarkson, that adorably anti-American - um, what is the alliterative word I'm looking for here? - host of Top Gear, tried out the Erotic Car Seat Seduction Massager. He didn't seem to get much out of it, but the woman he pulled out of the audience sure did.
Then we had the News of the World reporting that the Rabbit Travel Vibrator was causing a ruckus amongst motoring groups when the Erotica Show in London gave them away in their goody bags. The Rabbit Traveller conveniently plugs into a standard car lighter socket and gives you 12 volts of… um… travelling goodness.
Really, doesn't anyone just play I Spy or listen to the radio anymore? I'm glad for the possibility of making long car trips more enjoyable, but please remember to use these products only when you are the passenger, NOT the driver. If the idea of blood, mayhem, and death isn't enough to put you off, just imagine the embarrassment when you have to make that report to the police.
I am thinking that this might make going out parking a whole lot more fun - someone needs to get in early and put up a drive-in movie theatre to take advantage of this new market…
HIV/Aids and sexually transmitted diseases have been in the Metro this past week, and none of it is good news - on the 20th, it was reported that the UK has seen a rise in the rate of HIV infection across the UK, even though the rest of the world has seen improvements. That makes it the only country in western and central Europe to see an increase - and this is not a contest we really want to be winning.
On Friday, it was reported that the UK actually has one of the highest rates of new incidences of HIV in the European Union--third from the top on the list. Unfortunately, it isn't just HIV/Aids--the STI rate overall is increasing across the UK. The Health Protection Agency is reporting that infections are increasing by 2.6%. The most common STI in the UK is chlamydia, which doesn't sound like fun for anyone, really - but however not fun it is, it is up 4%.
But what is most worrying about all of these numbers is that even with all this bad news going around, young people in the UK are horrifyingly ignorant about their chances of contracting HIV/Aids. A full two-thirds of those in the age range of 15-24 said they have no concerns at all of contracting the disease. Only 32% of the British young are afraid of getting the virus. I'm outside of that range and I'm afraid of getting it - so what is everyone else thinking?
There is good information out there - please read up and protect yourselves. Sex should be all fun, no burning, itching, or horrifying deaths, no?
Until then - Condoms! Condom Safe Lubes!
Over in the Orgasm Army forum on how far you would let your man go on his stag night, happycamper led us to an article in the Guardianabout a new women-only strip club opening up in Birmingham.
The article, of course, is chock full of discussion about whether or not this is a business that can possibly work because women tend to go out to such a place only in groups, as a "girls' night out" type of fun, rather than see it as an erotic thing - which is all really interesting, but what I liked was this quote from John Lenkiewicz, director of the London-based Institute of Sexuality and Human Relations, and a psycho-sexual therapist, who finds it impossible to think that women might get turned on by watching half-naked men gyrate. He says:
"They would go for a laugh rather than for sexual gratification. Women are interested in attention, protection and humour rather than physical attributes."
Even for therapists and psychologists who have been dealing with relationship problems for years and years, there are a few problems that keep cropping up that manage to stump them or leave them floundering for a good solution. At least so says the Metro in their article "Relationship Experts Open Up".
What trips them up the most?
Truly, it's a dream come true. This evening on Top Gear on BBC 2, Lovehoney's humble Erotic Car Seat Seduction Massager had the honour of gently massaging the buttocks of politically incorrect car-mad motormouth Jeremy Clarkson. In case you missed it, the programme's repeated again on Wednesday on BBC 2 at 7 o'clock. Or you can see it on the BBC iPlayer for 30 days.
Either way, we'll try to bring you some pictures of Mr C having his rear-end electronically fondled very soon.
McBirdie says: Shut your yapper, Sexpert.
According to an article in The Sun, psychologist Dr. Sandra Pertot has come out with the new theory that not everyone is capable of having hot sex. She says that there are as many different sexual personality types as there are personality types and therefore, some of us just won't be able to get the job done.
"We accept there are so many different personality types, why don't we accept that there are so many differences in sex? Just like some people will never be able to become a Hollywood actor, some people won't be able to have hot sex - so why do sex therapists say they can?
If you type in 'great sex' to Google, you will find hundreds of books promising you lusty sex. From day one of my career, I had couples coming to me saying they were upset they were not having passionate sex.
The implication is, if you follow the programme in these books, you will have hot sex."
Well. How nice.
Over in another forum, we got to talking about Durex Tingle lube - one of my all-time favourites. But I was surprised when someone said that as the lube was silicone, that you had to be careful with it when using it with silicone toys.
I was surprised by this - I've always known Tingle to be a water-based lube (we're checking on that at the moment), so considered it completely safe. Clearly, in this situation, there is only one thing to do…
Oh, Sex Toys. So tempting, but how do you know what to buy? What works? What doesn't? What is even OUT THERE to try? You have questions, I have answers (most of the time…)
So much of what you see about 'sex' and 'sexiness' seems to focus on the raw physicality of the act and tarting it up at all hours and on all occasions. I can appreciate that these elements do have their place at times but surely there are some more inspirational approaches out there to mingle in my headspace?
This Aussie Needs More