Ep.15 Sexual Happiness Podcast: Can I Have Sex Outside?

Ep.15 Sexual Happiness Podcast: Can I Have Sex Outside?

by Jess

on 15 Aug 2019

The Sexual Happiness Podcast logo

Are you thinking of taking your sex life to the great outdoors? Then there are some things you need to consider...

On this episode of The Sexual Happiness Podcast, Sammi, Nick, and Jess share their tips for the best ways to indulge in some al fresco fun, without encountering the long arm of the law.

And of course we cover our usual segments "You can never know enough about sex" and "Question of the week" where we share what we've learned about sex this week, and answer your sex questions.

Got a question or topic you want us to cover?

Email us at podcast@lovehoney.com or comment below.

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Sammi [00:00:05] Hello. You're listening to the Sexual Happiness Podcast from Lovehoney, the podcast where we answer your questions about sex and sex toys. I'm Sammi.

Jess [00:00:14] I'm Jess.

Nick [00:00:15] And I'm Nick.

Sammi [00:00:16] And this week we're asking the question: Can I have sex outside?

Jess [00:00:19] Oh, can you? Should you?

Nick [00:00:23] Not during work hours please!

Sammi [00:00:26] But before we get into the "hows", the "whys" and the "whats", it's time for our You Can Never Know Enough About Sex segment. So what have you guys found out about sex this week?

Nick [00:00:37] Brexit.

Sammi [00:00:38] Oh, right.

Nick [00:00:41] According to an article in Mashable by one Rachel Thompson. Brexit is ruining our sex lives.

Jess [00:00:49] How so?

Nick [00:00:49] Well, I quote: "Some say that their sex drives have dwindled due to the stress breakfast" - Brexit! Breakfast? Due to the stress breakfast is causing them. (Just have some cereal.) "Due to the stress that Brexit is causing them. Some have even filed for divorce after their partner voted differently than they did. Some have remained (pun intended) with their partners, but feel too angry about things to have sex with them," she concluded. "Even further, some have even suggested that Brexit could be partly to blame for Britain's declining birth rate."

Sammi [00:01:24] I mean, the declining birth rate has been around for a while and Brexit happened - well, was voted for - three years ago.

Jess [00:01:30] I was gonna say, well, yeah. I mean, my my initial head went to like, "Well, Brexit didn't happen that long ago" but it really did, didn't it? So yeah, there has been time to get pregnant and make a baby or not in that time. So, wow, it's really interesting.

Sammi [00:01:48] That's interesting, considering the Sexual Happiness Study that we did not that long ago. I think it was, let's say, something like 2 percent of people said that external factors such as Brexit or political climates were having an effect on their sex life. So the people we asked seem to say that wasn't a thing.

Jess [00:02:05] Mm hmm.

Nick [00:02:06] There is an upside. One Remainer in the Mashable article says he has recently discovered the joys of what the author (Richard Thompson) calls the Brexit Horn. "Now in a relationship, sex is actually more frequent as we both seek escape from the evergrowing despair," he said.

Sammi [00:02:24] Wow.

Jess [00:02:25] So it's like role play. I mean, you guys should have spoken about this last week.

Sammi [00:02:29] Are you suffering from existential dread? Sex is the answer!

Jess [00:02:34] This week, I've been looking at how sex and people's sexual tastes are influenced by the music that they listen to. So there was a really interesting study done by somebody called TickPick a little while ago, and they surveyed a bunch of people, asked them what they listen to, what kind of stuff they get up to in the bedroom, and worked out some stats based on that. So there's loads of cool facts here, I'm going to read out just a few of them. So apparently blues fans last the longest in bed - the average is around 16 minutes.

Sammi [00:03:07] Oh that's interesting. Yeah, I'd count myself as a blues fan.

Jess [00:03:09] Would you? I was going to ask you guys what you guys listen to, I'll come onto that in a minute. And hip hop fans and rap fans were the least likely to give oral sex. So the music taste that's most likely to enjoy being on top is reggae. I don't know...

Sammi [00:03:24] It's a good steady rhythm. Is this the music happening while they're having sex or is this...

Jess [00:03:30] No. So, this is like so people who identify as like, "Oh, I'm a reggae fan above anything else. My top listen is reggae, and also my my top thing to do in bedroom is to be on top."

Sammi [00:03:40] Well.

Jess [00:03:40] Yeah I know. Whereas country like being on the bottom. Nick [00:03:46] What about techno and trance?

Jess [00:03:50] There is an EDM category. So EDM are the kinkiest, most likely to be into freaky stuff according to the survey (that's the way they've worded it). What else... EDM were third most likely to like anal. So... beaten by heavy metal and then by country.

Sammi [00:04:11] Heavy metal, country, and EDM... Jess [00:04:14] All love anal. Yep. And...

Sammi [00:04:16] What a spectrum.

Jess [00:04:17] I know, it's a really interesting survey. Like, if you're interested in knowing more, I would definitely suggest you go away and have a look at it. I'm sure you will fall into one of these categories and either agree or disagree with, sort of, what's come out of it. Yeah, it's really, really interesting. Heavy metal listeners were most likely to use contraceptives. So I thought that was quite interesting, maybe breaking the sort of stereotype of being reckless...

Sammi [00:04:40] Sex, drugs and rock 'n' roll.

Jess [00:04:41] Yeah. I mean, they're doing it, but safely.

Sammi [00:04:44] Yeah.

Jess [00:04:45] So yeah, super interesting stuff. I could go on and on but I'm not going to. Yeah, anybody out there who likes music and sex, which I hope is most of you, go and check out this survey by TickPick and there's loads of cool stuff on that. Go check it out.

Nick [00:04:58] Cool, love that.

Jess [00:04:59] Interesting, huh?

Sammi [00:05:00] Very interesting. Okay. So I learned something this week. There is... Have any of you heard of this ivory dildo?.

Jess [00:05:08] No.

Nick [00:05:08] No.

Sammi [00:05:09] OK.

Nick [00:05:10] Sounds dubious.

Sammi [00:05:11] So in 2017, an object was put up for auction that was an ivory dildo. And I can't remember how was described, but it was basically like, "ivory lady's companion" or something along those lines and it had been given to... um, it had been sent by a man who was at war in I think the Boxer's War?

Nick [00:05:32] The Boxer Rebellion.

Sammi [00:05:34] That one, yes. That's the thing. I've never heard of it, personally.

Jess [00:05:37] I think this is ringing a bell. But yes. Do continue, I'm interested.

Sammi [00:05:40] So he sent it back to his wife who was in Ireland as a gift when he was away at war, presumably to be like, "Remember me!". And it came up for auction in 2017 and was bought by a collector in the US, but it was being put up for auction again this year and there was a big campaign led by a woman who owns a sex shop in Ireland to bring it back home to Ireland. And they've brought it back, and now it's going to become an antiquity, an Irish antiquity - this ivory dildo.

Nick [00:06:12] Like the Elgin Marbles of the sex toy world.

Sammi [00:06:14] Exactly. Just like that.

Jess [00:06:16] So is it sort of like, owned by Ireland?

Sammi [00:06:19] I think it's owned by this this person. She's essentially crowdfunded the money to buy it back and she's going to donate it to a museum.

Jess [00:06:29] Love it, that's great.

Nick [00:06:30] Now to this week's hot topic: can I have sex outside?

Jess [00:06:33] Can you?

Nick [00:06:35] Well my first question is: is it legal?

Sammi [00:06:38] Well this is a bit of a grey area really, isn't it, because it not only depends on which country you're in, because laws around public indecency or sex outside or any of that kind of thing vary from region to region. But it's also how... How outside we're talking and how public we're talking, I think.

Jess [00:06:57] Yeah, obviously. Well, I suppose you could say it for any law, but it's like if you get caught, isn't it? I suppose there is like a massive part of that. So I mean there's sex outdoors, and being very discreet about it and making sure, you know, in your back garden, I think is gonna be a little bit different to, you know, I think we said earlier, you know, middle of the high street on a Saturday. So yeah, the level of outdoors, where you are in the world, and, you know, ensuring that the only people's eyes who are going to see you doing it are the people who are intended, you know, who are involved and consenting in your act.

Sammi [00:07:26] Yes, exactly.

Nick [00:07:27] I guess you could split it between sex in a public place is okay, but sex in a with a public view, not okay.

Jess [00:07:37] Yeah I think that's a really good way of dividing it.

Sammi [00:07:39] Definitely. Yeah. Being aware of... I think for a lot of people... Because it's a massive fantasy for a lot of people, sex outside. We did the sexual happiness study we found that it was one of the kind of top things that people wanted to try. Yeah it was... I think over half of people were like "Oh, yeah, I'd consider sex outside or sex in a..."

Nick [00:07:58] They can't have lived in the UK then.

Sammi [00:08:02] I love drizzle! But it really... Yeah. You have to be aware of the fact that if people are around they may not want to see that. And that's kind of the whole point of public decency/indecency laws, is you have to be sensitive to other people's sensibilities.

Jess [00:08:23] Yeah, absolutely. So obviously everybody's got different belief systems, and you know, what people are offended by varies from person to person, but (in the U.K. anyway), a lot of it's based on offence. So you could be doing something sexy or whatever in a public place, somebody could see you, and if they're not offended and they don't feel the need to report it, you've technically not broken a law. However, you don't know ahead of time if someone's going to be offended, so this is where the risk comes in. And it's a difficult thing because, you know, some people like the idea of having sex outdoors just because it's something different. We like the rare sun on your back or whatever it is. And, you know, being in a different situation, but for a lot of people it's that risk of getting caught. And I get that. But you don't actually want there to be a risk of getting caught. I think it's quite a fine line. You're putting yourself in a situation where you could, but you need to take every sensible precaution so that it actually doesn't happen.

Sammi [00:09:21] If you're going out there with a view of people to see you, that's a very different thing.

Jess [00:09:26] That's something else entirely and that that's going from having sex outdoors to being actively looking for voyeurism.

Sammi [00:09:31] Yes.

Jess [00:09:32] And again, voyeurism is its own kink, but you just need to make sure that anybody who's involved in that is consenting to it. You know, anybody who's involved in your sex play, whether that's touching or viewing, needs to be consenting to it. So being purposely in a place where some stranger is going to catch you, that's not fair.

Sammi [00:09:49] Yeah. And if you do want to indulge in that kind of voyeurism aside, there are safe spaces where that can happen. But you have to find those first. You can't just turn your local dog walk into one.

Jess [00:10:00] Exactly. Totally, and it's something I've read before online in various forums, ours and others, you know, where people very much enjoy going to like, places like saunas where nudity is very much accepted. You know, if it's okay to be in there without your clothes on, it wouldn't be a surprise for a stranger to walk in and see you butt naked. It would be a surprise if they caught you masturbating.

Sammi [00:10:20] Yeah.

Jess [00:10:20] You know and some people do that. And I have to say to them, "Ah, no, there are fun parties and swingers things and you know other, other places you can go about it". Absolutely. So just do your research and go to the right place. I mean that includes outdoor sex too, you know.

Nick [00:10:33] Yeah. Drive out into the middle of the woods, then walk a bit further. Rig up some kind of trip wires to sound an alarm, a hundred yards from where your are, and dig under a tree.

Sammi [00:10:44] Both wear camo.

Jess [00:10:45] Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. There are definite precautions you can take, and you know, I know you joke a little bit about wearing camo, but, you know, you don't have to be naked from head to toe to be being intimate outdoors or in a public space. So things like that where you can quickly, you know, zip up a fly or whatever you need to do, again it's going to protect you and people around you if there are people nearby.

Sammi [00:11:06] Yeah, absolutely.

Nick [00:11:07] I've just remembered that when I was at school, me and a few mates drove out to the middle of Dartmoor which is a big, huge national park in the south of the UK, not wilderness but yeah, not a lot of people around-

Sammi [00:11:22] It's kind of heathland, isn't it?

Nick [00:11:25] Yeah. We drove out to this place and as we swung round into a car park, our headlights caught a couple on the bonnet.

Jess [00:11:34] Oh, outside of the car!

Nick [00:11:36] Yeah.

Sammi [00:11:36] And that's the thing though, isn't it? Like, when you're like, "Oh you know it's a bit of fun" or the person seeing you has that reaction, and then you're kind of fine, but you know, as you said, you don't know that's what...

Jess [00:11:46] Yeah. You can't assume other people have got the same view on these things that you do. Yes, it's better to err on the side of caution rather than getting arrested, I would say. And you know, if in doubt, look at the laws in your local area. I think that's, you know, we can talk about it quite loosely here. But if you're seriously considering doing it, wherever you are in the world, just go and make sure you're really up to speed on what the law is in your area, where you live and take every precaution to make sure you're not crossing the line of the law.

Sammi [00:12:14] And I think it is easy for people to go, "Oh, it's a spur of the moment thing, you know, just the mood took us" and it's like, the mood may have taken you, but the mood may also take you to prison if you're not careful.

Jess [00:12:24] Not worth it. So if it's if it's even something you're slightly interested in, you know, just because you're researching doesn't mean you're gonna go out and do it tomorrow. You know, you can look it up and be like, "Well, now I know where that line is" if the moment does arise, so to speak, you know how you can make it safe.

Sammi [00:12:39] Yes.

Nick [00:12:41] OK so that's the legal bit out of the way. What else would you need to be thinking about? If you're going to have a bit of nookie "al fresco", as they say.

Sammi [00:12:51] "Al fresco sexy time". I think knowing, like, what is it that you want to get out of it? Because like, we've said if it's kind of the thrill of getting caught, or the thrill of people watching you, I think maybe reconsider where you're doing it. But if it's just that you're like, "I'd like to be out in nature, it's lovely, and the grass is soft and I'm going to lie on it", like that's a very different aspect to what you're doing, so it's knowing about, what it is about sex outside that appeals to you that will help you make the most out of it, and be safe.

Jess [00:13:22] Yeah, definitely. And I think it might take some preparation, like, more than you think. So I think a lot of people do do it sort of thinking, "Oh, this will be a fun spontaneous thing to do". And then they forget how uncomfortable gravel is. And, like, you know if you are in the woods I feel like people go for sex there as it's quite secluded and covered, but, you know, be careful of drones, you know. So yeah, I do think it's important to think about your surroundings more than simply, "Can somebody walk in on us". You know, what's the ground like? Are there bugs? You know, things like that. Last thing you want is to be on an ant's nest. Because I mean, nobody needs to be bit on the butt.

Sammi [00:13:59] If you're somewhere where there's lots of wildlife, ticks are a thing that you've got to be careful of.

Jess [00:14:03] Yes. Yeah. Because anyway you go, like, if you're looking for long grass for cover, you're sort of increasing this risk of things like ticks, or maybe depending on where you are on the world, snakes, and all sorts of other things so... Yes. And if you're in a vulnerable kind of a situation you might not be in a position where you just get up and run in your birthday suit.

Sammi [00:14:23] Yes. Exactly. I know a lot people say, like, sex on the beach is a thing that a lot of people talk about, especially on holiday. And it's not... The beach [is] not designed to be the most comfortable place for that. So...

Jess [00:14:35] Sand.

Sammi [00:14:36] Yeah.

Jess [00:14:37] I mean it gets everywhere at the best of times.

Nick [00:14:40] Just hire a sunlounger. Or go at night and nick a sunlounger.

Jess [00:14:43] Yeah. Or get one of those like, beach tents but one that you can zip up. I mean, it might not feel like you're outdoors, but you're indoors and you're outdoors, kind of... It's like an in-betweeny. Something that I do read a lot though is that people will, you know, they'll get like a little holiday lodge, like the AirBnB situation, they'll get one with a hot tub and then they'll use the hot tub for it. Now this is something I don't personally recommend. Some people love it, some people don't. Number one: if it's not your personal hot tub, my God, guys, like, be a bit considerate of other people who'll be using it after you.

Sammi [00:15:13] You also don't know who's been in there before you.

Jess [00:15:14] Right. Exactly. But also if you're a person with a vagina, I don't think you want that, in you or near you. So I would say that's probably not a situation to go for. Like, think it through, is basically what I'm trying to say.

Sammi [00:15:25] Yes. And I think, you know, the sex outside thing definitely is... quite common for people on holiday, too.

Jess [00:15:31] I was going to say that, too.

Sammi [00:15:33] Again, if you are on holiday, look at the laws of the place that you going to as well, rather than just the place that you live in. And yeah. Be considerate.

Jess [00:15:41] Be mindful, yeah, you're in someone else's home, so to speak. You know. And, yeah be aware of the laws. We've spoken before about even just taking sex toys abroad. And that that can land you in prison on its own in certain areas of the world. And certainly getting caught having sex in public could...

Sammi [00:15:57] Yeah. Find out before you do it.

Jess [00:16:00] Yes. Absolutely. And also going back to what we said earlier about, you know, maybe thinking ahead and not getting nude from head to toe. Think about what you're wearing.

Sammi [00:16:08] Good point.

Jess [00:16:09] So if you're somebody who's going to be penetrated, you know, consider what you're wearing. Maybe a skirt might be good, or you know, something with easy access where you don't necessarily need to-

Sammi [00:16:18] A kilt.

Jess [00:16:18] Yeah, a kilt. Great. Brilliant, brilliant choice, but something where you're not pulling anything down, and like, physically exposing yourself.

Sammi [00:16:23] It's also harder to run away when your trousers are around your ankles.

Jess [00:16:27] So yeah, that also. So any clothes that you can go, "Oh, we're just hugging frantically".

Sammi [00:16:34] "THIS IS JUST A GREAT HUG".

Jess [00:16:34] Oh yeah, yeah. Very energetically hugging. So yeah, I'd think about that too. That's a big one.

Sammi [00:16:40] Yeah, definitely. And there's always the option of things like crotchless underwear for the occasion. Which you can find on Lovehoney.

Jess [00:16:48] Can you?

Sammi [00:16:49] You can! You can shop lots of lovely crotchless underwear. Men and women. Or zip-up underwear.

Sammi [00:16:54] Yes. Yeah. Anything that gives easy access to the goods, so to speak.

Nick [00:16:59] So where else might be a good spot to indulge in a bit of outdoor play, do you think?

Sammi [00:17:06] Somewhere reasonably isolated where few people are likely to come across you, I think is-

Nick [00:17:11] "Come across you".

Sammi [00:17:12] Whey! That's another activity. But yeah. Where people are less likely to run into you. Let's put it that way. Or yeah. Trip over you. Walk into you. See you. I think something that people tend to forget about when they think about going and finding another location for sex, is if you have a car, you can make use of the car. And even, like, don't just park on the side of the road and go at it because it's still a public place and people can still see you. But if you can park your car somewhere that is more secluded, then you've also got another layer of privacy around you, but you can still kind of get the same thrill.

Jess [00:17:48] Yeah, definitely.

Sammi [00:17:50] As long as no one's going to see you.

Jess [00:17:51] Or if you've got an automatic.

Nick [00:17:53] Or the car's not too small.

Sammi [00:17:54] Yeah. Smart Car.

Jess [00:17:55] Yeah, yeah. You need space. I mean you could discover some new Kama Sutra, I suppose.

Sammi [00:18:01] Car-ma Sutra.

Jess [00:18:02] Very good.

Nick [00:18:06] So do you count sex in a tent as sex outdoors?

Sammi [00:18:08] I... do you know what? I think... No, because it's... Unless it's a specific Perspex tent, no one can see in, or unless you've left the door open or whatever. As long as you are hidden from view, I think it's fine.

Jess [00:18:23] Yeah.

Sammi [00:18:24] But then I guess there's noise.

Jess [00:18:26] That's it, yeah, because that's that's where my head was going is, I guess it depends. It goes back to that, "What are you trying to get out of it?". If it's kind of a, partly thing of like, oh somebody could see us, then yeah, there's an element of the thing you're in needs to have windows or [be] transparent or... Whereas if it's more that like, "Oh we're actually quite close to like..." Tents cross that bridge where you're private, and if you can keep the noise down people can not know what you're doing, but you can you literally be like 10 centimetres from somebody else. Like if you're at a festival, for example. We've talked about festival size before. So I guess, I guess it is out- I think I do count it as outdoors. Yeah. And you can still hear. So maybe if part of it is the audio sensory sort of kink of, like, you can hear outdoorsy stuff, you can hear other people. You're still going to get that in a tent and it still takes some preparation, I would say.

Sammi [00:19:16] Yeah, it's kind of... I guess you just gotta be aware of where you are.

Sammi [00:19:21] Yeah. I would say sort of it might be a really nice thing to combine actually if you are somebody who's thinking about doing outdoor sex, and you're wondering about how to go about this. Find a secluded spot that is okay for you to, maybe not actually camp but would be okay for you to set up a tent, you know, for a day if you want a picnic or whatever it is you're doing with your partner, and sort of plan to have sex in the tent with the door open. But should you be able to hear voices coming over the hill, you quickly zip it up and you know, you're kind of very much safe. You're not going to be tripped over by somebody else, but you can still explore the idea of, you know, be able to feel the breeze and all the rest of it and enjoy the outdoor sex thing. Yeah it might cross a nice bridge.

Sammi [00:20:01] Yeah.

Nick [00:20:03] Tent's a yes, then.

Jess [00:20:04] Yeah I think so. I think other good safe places are your own back garden if you've got one.

Sammi [00:20:11] Yes, if you've got a back garden that's not overlooked. Jess [00:20:15] Yes definitely, or make sure your neighbours are on holiday or, you know, if you know you can safely sunbathe nude, like, in your garden and, like, some sometimes you're sort of set away... In the UK, we very much live on top of each other. We got lots of terraced houses. This isn't so much the case in places like Australia and Canada and America unless you're in a city.

Sammi [00:20:36] Yeah, if you have to drive 50 minutes to see your next neighbour, you probably would be fine.

Jess [00:20:40] Yeah absolutely. So having sex out in the open, but on your private property as long as nobody is going to see you without trespassing on your property... you really can't get in trouble. Or another option is if you're somebody who has a balcony, but you're high up, again, so somebody can't look down on you. Just be aware if you've got like those glass balconies, I would say.

Sammi [00:21:02] Yeah, yeah. No, definitely I think finding somewhere... Just kind of minimize the risk of other people seeing you, and that's the main thing you've got to bear in mind.

Jess [00:21:09] Yeah. And if you're if you're stuck, like think of all the places you definitely shouldn't. And then write them down. Yeah. And then think what isn't on that list and you'll probably be okay.

Nick [00:21:21] So what about what positions do we think are pretty good out there, outdoors?

Jess [00:21:26] Out there in the wilderness.

Sammi [00:21:29] I guess it depends where you are. Like, you have to think about things like knees. Ground is much harder than mattress or carpet, so if it's a position... If you can avoid hard ground contact on the knees that's a good thing I think. At least for me, because I've got gammy knees.

Jess [00:21:47] Yeah, although you can get those really cool like, knee pads for gardening.

Nick [00:21:53] Or BMXing?!

Jess [00:21:54] Yeah, there you go, get yourself like... Get yourself some of those. Think outside the box.

Sammi [00:21:59] Take your yoga mat.

Jess [00:22:00] Yeah. Yeah. Another one for camping.

Sammi [00:22:04] Yeah. The roll thing.

Jess [00:22:06] Roll the camp mat out out. I mean, I was actually gonna say that doggy and things that were probably a good one. So while I see where you're coming from that you wouldn't necessarily want your knees on like, pebbly, gravelly ground, at the same time I think if you're the one receiving and you're laid on your back, like your surface area with the ground is so much more so your whole back is gonna get... covered in stuff?

Sammi [00:22:28] But then something like standing doggy would be better because it's easier to get out of quickly if someone does come across you. (I'm going to have to find a different way of saying that, now that's all I can hear). Yeah. Neither of you lying on dirty, uncomfortable ground. And, yeah, it's easy on the knees. Easy on the joints. God, I'm talking like I'm retiring age.

Jess [00:22:54] "Easy on the joints."

Sammi [00:22:56] Easy on the joints, take your cod liver oil.

Jess [00:23:00] I mean the other thing to remember is probably, you're... If you're having sex outdoors, there's a very good chance you've got your shoes on.

Nick [00:23:08] Ew.

Jess [00:23:08] Yeah, exactly. So keeping your feet on the ground means it's not going to bash your partner on the head, like, over the shoulder...

Sammi [00:23:17] Caterpillar to the brain...

Jess [00:23:17] Yeah. Exactly. So I think that's quite a good tip. So yeah, standing dog is probably a good one.

Sammi [00:23:23] Or even, like, sitting with... I mean, Nick, you mentioned about the bonnet of the car when you came across people in Dartmoor like that. That is a good one as well because you can get out of it easily if you've prepared, and you're wearing in the right clothes, just stand up. Yeah. It's quite a good one.

Jess [00:23:40] Yes. Yeah. I don't think anything where you are sort of folded up like origami is very good. You know, anything that's gonna take like... If it's like untying a knot to unravel yourselves you probably don't want to be doing that. Keep it simple.

Sammi [00:23:52] You might want to rethink the bondage rope before you go.

Jess [00:23:55] Oh my goodness, yes. So much so. Yeah, keep it simple.

Nick [00:23:59] We often talk about what is sex here. So here's another option that I "thunk" of, and that's remote controlled toys.

Sammi [00:24:07] Oh, yeah.

Nick [00:24:09] So, don't necessarily have to be touching in a body-on-body way but you can have one person with the remote, one person with the toy, wherever they want to put it. And we know that that's loads of fun.

Sammi [00:24:26] That opens up the places that you can do that in as well because it's discreet... well, it's as discreet as you can make it really. And you can you can do it anywhere, and it does still have that fun fact of like, "Ooh, there are people around, how naughty".

Jess [00:24:41] Yes. But you're not butt-naked.

Sammi [00:24:43] You're not. Probably and hopefully not.

Jess [00:24:45] Yeah, absolutely, so you can be enjoying sort of intimate play wherever you want. And actually, sort of, just adding on to that, sort of, maybe not so much about toys, but Nick, you saying about you know, what is sex? I think we've we've gone straight to, you know, sex outdoors being somebody penetrating another person. But oral sex outdoors? Because, you know, you can take masturbation or anything like that, you know, you can be exploring these things first. So if you're, like, not necessarily wanting to dive straight into the to the whole shebang, then you can you know, maybe find a safe spot and first of all try maybe a bit of outdoor oral sex, or something like that.

Sammi [00:25:21] And whatever you're doing, another thing to remember is watch out for CCTV cameras.

Jess [00:25:25] Oh, good tip.

Sammi [00:25:26] Yes, they are everywhere.

Jess [00:25:28] They really are. Yes. And people, you know, if they do come - oh God, come across you, we're going to keep saying - And let's not forget that absolutely everybody now also has a camera in their pocket, because everyone carries a phone. So it's no longer, if somebody did find you, it's not really your word against theirs, there's a very good chance they can just say "Look, there you go. Filmed them".

Nick [00:25:48] So any any other tips, ladies, on the al fresco "dining"?

Sammi [00:25:53] I was actually (before we came on the podcast) I was doing a bit of research into this topic, and I was looking at the Lovehoney forum and what they have to say about it, because it's quite... It's a topic that comes up on there quite a lot. And one of the people on there was saying that she always carries lube with her for occasions like this. And it's like, actually, that's quite good regardless of what kind of sex play you're going to be indulging in, lube makes it all better. So maybe just one of the kiny - the kiny? - the tiny travel sized lubes keeping your handbag or your manbag. And then you're good to go wherever you are.

Jess [00:26:24] Yeah, definitely. And a spare pair of knickers. Yeah, I think that's pretty good too. Yeah, I think I think that'd be the main things to really consider. And then any toys you like - if you are taking toys, check the batteries because what a let-down that would be if the batteries didn't work when you got out there.

Sammi [00:26:42] Yeah.

Jess [00:26:42] Yeah. Or solar power- solar-powered vibrators? Have we got those yet?

Sammi [00:26:46] Ooh, solar-powered vibrators.

Jess [00:26:47] There we go, that's a thing.

Nick [00:26:49] Let's give Paul a call.

Jess [00:26:50] Yeah, where's Paul?

Sammi [00:26:52] Paul Jacques, if you're listening...

Nick [00:26:52] Yeah, Paul's our head of product development, just in case you didn't know.

Sammi [00:26:56] You can listen to him on episode... I believe it's six or seven of the podcast talking about the future of sex toys.

Nick [00:27:01] The future is solar-powered.

Sammi [00:27:03] Yeah.

Nick [00:27:04] Decide us three now.

Sammi [00:27:06] It's basically like, just like you have your first aid kit in your car. You need a sex kit in your car as well.

Jess [00:27:10] Yeah, maybe it's going to get that way. What- didn't we read something this week about somebody...

Sammi [00:27:14] Oh someone, yes. So another sex fact we found out this week (we found out actually quite a lot this week) is that somebody traded their car in to be sold and had left their dildo in the glove compartment.

Jess [00:27:25] Excellent.

Sammi [00:27:25] So do check your car for any sex toys before you sell it.

Jess [00:27:30] If that's where you decide to store your sex toys.

Sammi [00:27:32] Yeah.

Nick [00:27:33] Oh, brilliant. Well I think we've got sex outdoors just about covered there.

Sammi [00:27:36] Yeah, or uncovered. But yeah, the final thing to take away is just make sure that you are aware of the law and you're not going to be exposing anyone to anything who may not want to be exposed to it.

Nick [00:27:50] Yep.

Jess [00:27:51] Yep.

Nick [00:27:51] Yep. So well then, moving on to our question of the week and we have found this from the forum?

Sammi [00:27:58] Yes, the forum again.

Nick [00:28:00] So from the Lovehoney Forum. "When me and my wife have our fun time, I can't seem to last that long. I always tend to get a bit too overexcited and after a few minutes I'm done. Are there any ways I can last longer to give my wife more pleasure?"

Sammi [00:28:20] Well.

Jess [00:28:20] Well indeed. So I'm going to assume here (because they've referred to it as "fun time"), but I'm assuming this is, sort of, during actual penetration. I'm going to assume [that] and I'm also going to assume that is that this is a person with a penis.

Sammi [00:28:39] I think it was.

Jess [00:28:40] I'm going with the stereotype. Yes. Okay. So my first tip... I mean we could go down the route of delay solutions, things that desensitize the penis...

Sammi [00:28:50] But I think that's not the first step that you should take.

Jess [00:28:53] Me too. I think my first tip is always, well, hold on: Less than a third of women can actually climax from penetration anyway. So stop beating yourself up about trying to go, you know, Marathon Man and going forever to make her cum because it might just never happen, and put more attention on foreplay. And my best tip would be to make your partner climax before you get to the point of penis-in-vagina play, or penis-in-anus or whatever is you're doing. And if you can make her climax first, number one: she's already satisfied, so then you can just enjoy whatever you're going to enjoy then from sex and get your kicks. And if she's already climaxed once, there's a very good chance she'll climax again. So you're sort of increasing the chances potentially of her being able to come during penetrative sex as well. Yeah. So I would actually focus on that first, that's my first tip.

Sammi [00:29:42] The other thing to do is to practice a thing that we call, or that is known as "edging", which is where, regardless of being with your wife, or when you're on your own it's probably better to do this, although you can do it with a partner as well, is practice bringing yourself to the point of no return. And then stopping, easing off, let yourself become less aroused and then starting again and so that way, you become more familiar at the point at which - all I can think in my head is "all hell breaks loose". But yeah, the more you get to know your body and the more you're able to recognize that moment, the easier it is to control it and also to be able to maybe stop doing whatever activity it is that's getting you that point. Do something else for a while and then go back to it and just don't don't feel like that because you've just started doing one kind of sex act, you have to continue doing that sex act. You can mix it up.

Jess [00:30:31] Absolutely. So you can, even if you are already doing traditional "sex", I'm doing inverted commas here, of a penis being inside a body, you can absolutely stop like you say, go to oral, go to hand play, or something else that's going to take away the stimulation from yourself. And then if after that you can go and (I briefly mentioned at the start) you can bring in tools that can help, so you can try out a few different delay solutions and find one that works for you. These work by just ever so slightly desensitizing your penis so you can still enjoy pleasure but it's not quite as intense. Wearing condoms can also help you, or even better, delay condoms. So this is a combo between the two. And a lot of guys report that cock rings are excellent for extending their pleasure as well. So these are a few sort of physical things you can bring in. But I think training and also adding more manual stimulation into your play are the top two things to try.

Sammi [00:31:26] So that brings us to the end of this week's show. But to say thank you for listening we're giving you 15 percent off absolutely anything that you want to buy at Lovehoney. Just check out the links in the episode description and you'll be taken to the website which is nearest to you in the world.

Jess [00:31:39] If you've enjoyed this week's episode don't forget to give us the rating that you think we deserve. Maybe tell your friends about us or drop us a review. We love to know what you think.

Nick [00:31:48] You can also follow Lovehoney on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook, and you'll find us on YouTube at Lovehoney TV, or if you have any questions you can get in touch with us by emailing podcast at Lovehoney dot com.

Sammi [00:31:59] And don't forget to come back next Wednesday when we will have a brand new episode for you. Thanks for listening. Bye-bye!


Written by Jess.

Originally published on 15 Aug 2019. Updated on 5 Aug 2020