1. Please God, no: Baby Jesus Butt Plug.

    Please God no, part 2: Rent-A-Dildo. This had better be a hoax otherwise it's going to come to a sticky end.

    We've got tons of brand new, squeaky clean dildos for you to purchase here at Lovehoney, and we've got top-notch sex toy cleaning products to make sure they're all good, safe, dirty fun for you too. We've even got a complete guide to cleaning your sex toys at Lovehoney University.

    Right then: We here at Lovehoney, the UK's best sex toys website, are looking for people who can write for the Orgasm Army. We want to build up the biggest collection of sex toy reviews on the Web. So if you want to get free sex toys sent to you so you write about them, enlist now for the Orgasm Army!

    More people in the UK know about "dogging" than "blogging", The Guardian has revealed. 7 out of 10 people don't know what "blogging" is but 40 per cent claim they understand the term "dogging". Which isn't that much more, when you think about it.

    The World's Largest Collection of Masturbation Synonyms. Does what it says on the tin. Expand your vocabulary and impress your friends with over 1700 ways to express your self-love.

    Some no nonsense advice from the Carolinian Online for women who keep teetering on the edge but not quite falling off it. In the bedroom sense, that is.

    It's got to be Dildo, Newfoundland. As visited by Star Wars' own Carrie Fisher and fellow film celeb Meg Ryan. ("Unusual, you say? Well, yes, I would have to agree with you, but it is by no means the only village with a strange name," Fisher writes. "It's just across the bay from Spread Eagle.") World Hum has the full details…

    Star Trek sex toys. We have to get some of these in stock right now.

    Another one from the "You couldn't make this up" department: 58 year old US judge Donald Thompson currently stands accused of three counts of indecent exposure because he was allegedly seen using a penis pump whilst presiding in court. The soaraway Sun tells us:

    We're really not quite sure what to make of this: a new contraption from our American cousins that's designed to take the effort out of sex.

    The BodyBouncer is an shaped like a small coffee table but is made from steel tubes with a rubber sheet stretched across the top. The sheet's got a hole in the middle. (Can you see where this going?). If the gentleman gets underneath the BodyBouncer, his bits can go through the hole in the rubber sheet, letting his partner sit on the BodyBouncer from above, accommodate him and have all their body weight supported by the BodyBouncer. Boing!

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