1. 10 minutes ago I was sitting at a beachside bar with Sash, listening to her talk about how she has made a big mistake getting married so young and how her and her husband have started bringing other people into their sexual relationship to try and spice things up. Swinging, in other words then.

    I've just about digested my Miss Pink cocktail (crushed strawberries, champers and cherry liqueur) and I'm writing this blog in earnest because I have a date to get ready for. You've probably guessed with who the date is. Yep, Sash and her husband. I don't know how we're going to manage it, sloping away from the rest of the group without raising suspicion. And what makes it harder is that most of my old mates on this holiday know about my past fling with Sash.

    Sasha's husband has actually booked a room for the three of us in a different hotel complex, which makes it easier on one hand because we'll have some privacy. But like I told you earlier in the week, this is an insanely tight-knit group holiday and everyone is insisting on hanging out together all the time. So Sash and I have come up with a plan where I feign a migraine and opt for a night in bed (well, technically it's true!), while Sash and her hubbie will say they're going for a romantic meal alone time. Hopefully, the rest of the gang won't insist on checking in on me when I'm supposed to be in my room…

    So while Maya and Sarah are fearlessly trying out Sweet Release in our Sperm Tester Blog, there is an army of people saying what they think about the sex toys they've been using over on Orgasm Army. Are they mind-blowingly good at inducing sexual ecstasy or do they just blow? Pimp My Vibe has got a glowing review this week thanks to its "speed control, overall aesthetics and the fact that it only needs 1AA battery!" OA member tallboy246 wrote a veritiable ode of joy to using the Fat Man In A Barrel butt plug - definitely one for the more anally adept users, while the Pink Juicy Fruit Ladyfinger Vibe provoked mixed feelings for our intrepid reviewer - yes, it was "cheap, frantic, effective - orgasmic" but also it "looks cheap, overly frantic, too effective – makes you numb". Ouch! Too much of a good thing there, obviously. It takes an old stalwart like the Tracey Cox Supersex Rabbit Vibe to provoke an unambiguous "Oh. My. God." - excellent!

    There are scores more sex toy reviews at Orgasm Army to help you choose what toy is best for you - and you can share your own experiences too, either by writing your own review or chatting on the sex toy review forums with other OA members.

    Day: Thursday 14/9/06
    Time: 9.30pm
    Location: Bedroom
    Circumstances: Long-ish relaxed one before we go to sleep
    How did he taste? Grass / avocado
    Sperm Test Rating: 2 (1=normal, 100=Golden Delicious Apple)

    After a long boring day at work, I decided to go through to the bedroom to watch a DVD. Jason joined me after a few minutes. I turned off the DVD because we like talking in bed…

    We decided to donate our bodies to medical science for the evening and do another tasting session. I started off by kissing his plums, and suddenly realised that since we accidentally bleached his pubic hair, it's like kissing Worzel Gummidge.

    I hastily moved onto smoother pastures and he was soon panting like a dog in a hot car. He produced a fine specimen of baby gravy, but not yet apple flavoured (or flavoured by anything else he'd consumed - curry, nectarines or Pot Noodle).

    Day: Thursday 14/9/06
    Time: 11pm
    Location: Bedroom
    Circumstances: Quick but intense one before going to bed.
    How did he taste? Sweet
    Sperm Test Rating: 1 (2=normal, 100=Golden Delicious Apple)

    Oh, oh, oh… I'm dying! Well… I guess I'm not really. J I just have a cold. But everything is a real struggle so thank you to my awesome boyfriend who picked me up from the supermarket after a long day and then cooked a very yummy dinner. He even made me a hot toddy! (Highly recommend ginger wine.) I am such a lucky girl.

    Well, you guessed it: no tasting today. And we had such plans. Well, at least I know why I've been eating like a horse for the past few days – I had those vile cold germs brewing up inside me! If you're ill like me, hope you feel better soon. For those of you who feel well… Well, there's a lot of it going around…

    I cleared my desk today at work. Tomorrow is going to be a tough day although I can't say why as it wouldn't be very politically (or legally!) correct and would involve me talking about some work issues that I just can't talk about. But things are going to get better! I am determined… (And, boy, I don't make up my mind often but when I do heaven help the world!)

    So… Even shorter blog today. Sorry for slacking but feel cr*p.

    I was woken early this morning by Jason's protuberance pressed up against me, but before I had a chance to make use of it my alarm went off and I had to get up for an 8.30 meeting at work.

    I spent the day thinking of what I could do to him when I got home, however it was my turn to be the ice-cream tonight (Lyon's Maid .. or should that be Loins Maid?) and to cut a long story short I ended up with his soon-to-be apple sauce inside me instead of my mouth - no tasting tonight then! Well not without some nifty yoga positions…

    I'm pooped tonight. I had a good, long, hard workout at the gym… And then had fish and chips for dinner! Well, I'm sorry but it's just one of the perils of living almost right next door to a fish and chip shop. It's just too easy! Low cal day tomorrow. Well, I'll try.

    My appetite's through the roof these days. And the other appetite? Well, it's just starting to gear up again after that time of the month. Looking forward when we both have some time at home doing nothing together so we can take some time to do something!

    We're very close and kissy and cuddly (although not when we're out) and I just love everything about Shane! He's got such kissable lips and I love the way he grabs me! What a man! Hm. Not sure how much I should tell you here… ;-) We'll see. I'll try and gauge how much I can say! Or how much I should say… But no, we haven't been at it like rampant bunnies tonight. Hmmm. We need to book some time in!!!

    Work was OK… I'm about to move departments within the company so… Just gearing up for that and hoping that everything will go OK. You know how it is: you want to impress everyone but don't want to seem as though you're arse licking. Well, I don't like to think I'm coming across that way.

    Ooooh. I'm so tired tonight I'm not sure how much you're going to get out of me. I'm going to take it easy tomorrow night and start planning for our party in October. It's taken us a year to get over the last one! Trust me. The carpet was SOAKED in beer and we had to tell the last DJ to stop at about eight o'clock in the morning. Our bedroom floor and our bed were covered in people. No, not like that! Lol Just people lying around talking and some in various states of… well. Just various states! That was a night and a half!

    Hm. I have just checked out whether there are any comments on the blog. But there was nowt. Only managed to notice a typo in my last diary entry. Laid bear???! I laid a bear. Painful. Sorry. I missed that one.

    A dopo (until later in Italian).

    I can't write for long because my hotel room has become the 'meet-up' point for everyone on this bloody holiday. I swear, everywhere I go someone tags along. I can't even go to the loo without one of the girls sharing a cubicle with me. It's like I'm in some damn witness protection program. I just want an hour to write my blog in peace!

    So real quickly then, the big news so far this week is that Sasha has been flirting with me like mad – proper leg stroking and ass fondling under the table – and so has her husband. I think there may be some threesome action on the cards. Please, please, please! Elsewhere, my friend Jessica pulled the sleaziest dude I have ever seen in my life last night. He told her he owned the restaurant we ate in. Turns out he collected the glasses. Oh, and I've lost my Nicole Farhi flats. Damn it!

    On with the main show. Here is the second erotic story excerpt of the week I promised you. This one is from a favourite book of mine…

    More Wicked Words: an erotic short story collection This particular story is called One Of The Boys by Robyn Russell, and it's about a 16-year-old girl called Sam, her boyfriend Jamie, his cousins, and a sex siren called Margaret who moves to their quiet town for one sizzling summer.

    We had a late night last night, so neither of us were in the mood for love this morning before work, but I checked he had taken his Sweet Release pill before I went off to work.

    I spent the day rushing around so I got home exhausted. I was supposed to be meeting Jason and his friend for a drink, but I was too tired and I knew that if I did go my online diary would never get written, so I sent him a saucy message and apologised for my absence. By the time Jason gets home, I will already be in bed and there will be no time for sperm testing, which is probably just as well - I think it tastes a bit funny after alcohol.

    What will we do with the drunken sailor….. Hmm, go back to sleep I reckon and hopefully dream of tomorrow's tasting session.

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