There's nothing hornier than a session of hanky spanky to punish an unruly lover! If you're fed up of your man paying more attention to the TV than you, or you're sick of watching your girlfriend get a bit too friendly with your rugby-playing mates, it's time to crack out the spanking paddle…
If any of my lovers are naughty, I usually find that a good spanking of their bottom with my paddle will have them begging for forgiveness.
Take Sasha, for example. She was a university fling I occasionally 'ate out' with during my first year in student halls. Every time we went for a meal, Sash would get incredibly naughty by the time we got to the desert course. I don't know whether it was an overwhelming craving for sweet food that tipped her over the edge, or maybe she was just one of those girls who got off on public displays of sexual intent, but Sash would get visibly horny when it came to choosing something sweet.
It didn't matter where we were, what we had eaten or who we were with, Sash would always start squirming in her chair, trying to fondle me under the table with her shoeless feet and generally declaring to the entire restaurant exactly where she wanted to drizzle her white chocolate Belgian dip.
Of course, such displays of deviant behaviour had to be punished!
It's official - sex toys are as old as the human race. The BBC has the scoop: A sculpted and polished phallus found in a German cave is among the earliest representations of male sexuality ever uncovered, researchers say.
The 20cm-long, 3cm-wide stone object, which is dated to be about 28,000 years old, was buried in the famous Hohle Fels Cave near Ulm in the Swabian Jura.
The prehistoric "tool" was reassembled from 14 fragments of siltstone.
Its life size suggests it may well have been used as a sex aid by its Ice Age makers, scientists report.
"In addition to being a symbolic representation of male genitalia, it was also at times used for knapping flints," explained Professor Nicholas Conard, from the department of Early Prehistory and Quaternary Ecology, at Tübingen University.
"There are some areas where it has some very typical scars from that," he told the BBC News website.
Note to gentlemen: Do not try to split flints with your todgers. Thank you. For everyone else, get yourselves the most modern and lovely dildos direct from Lovehoney - we don't have stone ones, but we do have glass dildos and metal dildos if you're after something a bit different. Just make sure you don't forget your dildo…
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Not only can you join the mass masturbation fun in London that is Masturbate-A-Thon, you can also be on the telly! From the Meeejaa Guardian:
Channel 4 is to bring mass public masturbation to the small screen.
The broadcaster - once led by Michael Grade, dubbed "pornographer in chief" by the Daily Mail - has commissioned a documentary about the UK's first "masturbate-a-thon" as part of a series of programmes dubbed "Wank week", MediaGuardian.co.uk can reveal.
In what must surely be one of the summer's more bizarre events, hundreds of people are expected to gather in a hall in central London on August 5 to pleasure themselves in aid of charity.
The organiser of the event, the San Francisco-based Centre for Sex and Culture, has run mass masturbation events in the US for the past five years to raise money for safe sex groups and plans to replicate the formula in the UK.
Cameras from independent production company Zig Zag, which made Essex Boys for ITV1, will follow the organisers and participants for a 60-minute film, which has the working title of Wank-a-thon. It is expected to air on Channel 4 towards the end of the year.
The event will encourage Londoners - both male and female - to sign up sponsors and head to Clerkenwell in order to masturbate in front of hundreds of others.
There's an official website dedicated to the Masturbate-A-Thon in London as well, which gives complete details of how to take part - you can bring your favourite sex toys and lube and have an attempt at breaking the current record of seven and half hours of continuous masturbating. And of course, it's all in aid of charity. Fantastic.
It may be two years since Sex And The City came to an end, but there's no lack of interest in Carrie and the girls. Indeed, there's been Sex And The City tours around New York City which have proved a big hit. Now there's talk of a Sex And The City Reality TV show, as reported by ContactMusic:
US cable network HBO is planning a new version of the show with real-life women who live in Manhattan, New York. The network has been contacting fashion "it" girls in New York City to participate in the as-yet-untitled reality show which will document ladies similar to CARRIE BRADSHAW and her pals. According to American fashion magazine W, the series "will follow the lives of a group of glamorous and dynamic girlfriends in their 20s living in Manhattan."
We wonder if that will include the fabulous sex toys for which Sex And The City became so famous as well - the Rabbit vibrator, which made Charlotte a recluse (in Series 1 Episode 9 fact fans!), or the Love Swing which Samantha put to good use. After all, vibrators got banned from Love Island recently, causing poor Sophie Anderton to burst into tears… There's a whole range of Sex And The City vibrators waiting for the next reality TV stars.
Ever since I was a young girl, I could never get enough of leafing greedily through erotic stories and purring over real-life sexcapdes. For me, there was nothing better than lying in bed, naked, and reading about a man engorging a woman's clit with his expert mouth, or a woman being fucked relentlessly to the point where one smouldering orgasm blurred into another.
I used to lie in bed, fantasizing about those erotic encounters and wondering how fantastic they would feel, while using my in-experienced hands to finger and touch my own clit and juicy lips.
There's tons of excruciatingly horny short stories, dirty books and naughty tales I want to tell you about, so I'll start with one that makes me want to fuck hard every time I read it.
Sometimes I get so horny while reading this passage that I can't get to the end; overwhelmed with the need to rub myself and thrust my trusty Jack Rabbit vibe deep inside my velvety enclave.
What I love most about this passage from The Chef's Revenge (by Tabitha Flyte) is how the character, Tasha, loves to fuck like men: hard, selfish and with a desire to just 'shove it.'
If you want to read this story in its entirety, you can find it among a tasty selection of erotic short stories compiled for More Wicked Words - An Erotic Story Collection (Black Lace).
In the mean time, devour this passage and, whether you're alone or in the company of a lover, I defy you not to fuck in the nearest closet or stock room!
Amusing article from Canada's Montreal Gazette:
Cellphone chargers. Designer clothing. Computers. Empty suitcases. Dentures. Fake limbs. Sex toys.
Ask any hotel housekeeper in the city about the things that guests leave behind, and you're bound to hear a peal of laughter in response.
"You wouldn't believe what people forget to take with them," said Vincent Mellet, director of housekeeping services at the Delta Hotel on University St.
"We see it all." [Read the full article]
One way to spare your blushes when you're on holiday is to choose sex toys for travelling. We have a whole range of discreet sex toys that won't take up much space in your luggage and also won't raise any eyebrows from Customs officials - or housekeepers, for that matter. We've written a complete guide to choosing sex toys that travel well.
Men in northern South Africa turn to nature when seeking to achieve the effects of the male impotency drug Viagra.
The root of the wild Mpesu tree (Securidaca Longepeduculata) found in the villages of the Venda district near the Kruger National Park along the border with Zimbabwe is said to be the source.
The compound extracted from its root and consumed with tea and other traditional drinks has been shown to relax the muscles of the male sex organs, sending a rush of blood that results in enhanced erections.
"You just have to see the local male population roving about with a spring in their step to realise their claims to being 'the most sexually potent men on earth' might be valid," Johannesburg-based newspaper Sowetan said.
Botanists have confirmed the effects of the tree that has reportedly long been known to and exploited by traditional healers in the area. A teaspoon of the medicine sells for around 50 rand ($7). [Read the full story at AHN]
What a lucky bunch of gentlemen. And if your garden tree's not yielding something to get your pecker up (we wouldn't recommend chewing any of the berries), our large selection of natural Viagra alternatives, like VigRX, can do the job without any unfortunate bark/penis interface scenarios.
ALOHA, Oregon (AP) -- A woman who called 911 to get "the cutest cop I've seen" sent back to her home got a date all right -- a court date.
The same sheriff's deputy arrested her on charges of misuse of the emergency dispatch system.
Washington County Sheriff's Sgt. David Thompson told KGW-TV of Portland it all started with a noise complaint called in last month by neighbors of Lorna Jeanne Dudash. The deputy sent to check on the complaint knocked on her door, then left.
Thompson said Dudash then called 911, asking that the "cutie pie" deputy return.
"He's the cutest cop I've seen in a long time. I just want to know his name," Dudash told the dispatcher. "Heck, it doesn't come very often a good man comes to your doorstep."
After listening to some more, followed by a bit of silence, the dispatcher asked again why Dudash needed the deputy to return.
"Honey, I'm just going to be honest with you, OK? I just thought he was cute. I'm 45 years old and I'd just like to meet him again, but I don't know how to go about doing that without calling 911," she said.
"I know this is absolutely not in any way, shape or form an emergency, but if you would give the officer my phone number and ask him to come back, would you mind?"
The deputy returned, verified that there was no emergency and arrested her for misusing the 911 system, an offense punishable by a fine of up to several thousand dollars and a year in jail.
Holey moley! This would be a perfect reason why, if you have a carnal need for dark blue with sensible shoes, you should get yourself some Police Uniforms from our store, not bother the real thing while they're on duty, otherwise it could all end very messily. And not in a good way.
We've got plenty of British Sexy Police Uniforms, and, in honour of the cutie pie cop, an American Police Women's Uniform and American Police Man's Uniform too.