It's not just girls who love the odd finger or two slipped in our ass during foreplay or sex. And it's not just girls who can be fucked with a few fingers and a lover's tongue. Guys get off on it just as much, as you'll find out by reading the excerpt below featuring a wheelchair-bound guy and a horny librarian, taken from Mathilde Madden's Wheels On Fire, published in Wicked Words 10: The Best Of Wicked Words (Black Lace):
With so many new vibrators coming through the Lovehoney office every day, it's sometimes easy to get blase about the orgasmic treats on offer. So it was a real treat to get hold of the Toy Joy Power of Tower vibrator which delivered such powerful vibrations that it had several girls in the office calculating their staff discount savings on the spot…
The Tower of Power's takes 3 C batteries which means it's got a lot more oopmh than most vibes. You can get the batteries free if you order before midnight on 12 November. Have fun :-)
So how many texts did you and your lover send to each other before cutting out of work early to get home and have sex? I had an email from a woman called Sioban who said:
'I had the day off work, so I said goodbye to my fiancé as he left our house, giving him no inkling whatsoever as to the text sex I was planning after reading your blog on it. About 11am I sent him my first text, just saying that I really enjoyed spending time with him at the cinema the night before – even though we didn't have sex, we held hands all the way through the film like two teenagers. It was nice to feel close and in love.
Anyway, my complimentary texts soon turned into flirty little numbers. My fiancé got into it quicker than I did, so when I texted him to say he should come home at lunch to 'eat,' it sent a thrill right through my body when he walked through our front door with a semi hard-on and a can of whipped cream. He didn't go back to work after lunch – he called in to say he had stomach ache. Must have been all that whipped cream he licked off me…'
Thanks to Sioban for letting me know how her text sex went down. You guys can do the same by emailing me at firstname.lastname@example.org or by leaving a naughty comment on the blog page. Go on, I'd love to hear from you!
Anyway, onto this week's Dirty Words masterclass. As we're nearing the end of this series it's about time we really got down to learning how to ask for what we want, how to describe what we want it and how to listen to and carry out our lovers' sexual requests in response. For that purpose, there is nothing better (or more enjoyable) than a personal sex questionnaire.
Unlike most sex questionnaires you're likely to come across when reading glossy mags, etc, the beauty of this personal sex questionnaire is that you and your lover get to come up with all the questions. What's so great about that? Well, it means you are getting specific answers to the sex questions you most want your lover to answer.
The personal sex questionnaire works like this: you both sit down with a sheet of paper and divide it in half. On one side of the sheet you write down questions you would like your lover to answer, then on the other side you write down questions that you would like to answer. Once you have answered the questions you have written for yourself, and your lover has done the same with their sheet of paper, swap sheets and answer the questions you have written for each other.
When writing questions for your personal sex questionnaire, try to be as honest, imaginative, experimental and as sexy as possible while still being true to yourself. For example, there's no point including a question about BDSM if neither of you are in to such activities, but if you want to start exploring bondage or sado-masochistic activities, include a question and answer in your column that addresses what you would like to try and then include a similar question in your lover's column to find out how he/she feels about it.
What you are trying to achieve with this questionnaire is an understanding of what drives you and your lover sexually; what turns you on in the bedroom – or indeed any other room you prefer to have sex in – what new positions, toys and techniques you want to try, what you like in the bedroom and, more importantly, what you don't like.
There are no rules as to how many questions you are allowed to have in your sex questionnaire. Obviously, you don't want to sit there all day, but you should put aside an hour to write down and answer each other's questions. This is the perfect opportunity to work on your sexual communication with each other, so don't rush it. The most important thing you should remember when writing and answering questions in your personal sex questionnaire is to be as sexy as possible, so don't be afraid to use lots of dirty words to describe what you want. You could even include a question on what dirty words you would like/dislike to hear in the bedroom.
When you have both answered your own questions and swapped sheets to answer each other's questions, it's time to read them out. You should go first. Sit facing your lover, and gather both sheets of paper in your hands. First of all you should read out your answer to the questions your lover wanted you to answer. Try and maintain eye contact throughout where possible and don't be afraid to elaborate on your answers. You should also allow each other to ask further questions about your answer once you have finished reading it aloud, as there may be something you want to clarify.
Once you have finished discussing your answers to your lover's questions, read out the answers to your own questions, discuss your answers and questions and then get your lover to repeat this process with their own questions and by answering the ones you want them to answer. After you have both finished reading out your answers, you can then use the information you have gathered about each other and formulate your very own sexual manifesto.
Using the answers from the questionnaire, you can write a list of what you both like, dislike, what you want to try, what you want to change and what your sexual commitments are to each other in the future. For example, 'We will spend more time on foreplay rather than leaping straight into penetrative sex each time.'
I have come up with a few sample sex questions to start you off, but try and come up with as many of your own questions as possible. After all, this is your very own personal sex questionnaire, so start thinking, and talking, dirty.
Our personal sex questionnaire
Questions for me:
1. What gets me in the mood for sex?
2. What room do I feel most comfortable and sexy in?
3. How do I liked to be kissed?
4. Where do I liked to be kissed?
5. This is what I like when you touch me:
6. Do I want you to go down on me before or after sex?
7. What technique do I love the most when you're going down on me?
8. Do I want you to finger my vagina and ass when you're licking me out?
9. Which position do I love to be fucked in?
10. Which position do I feel sexiest in?
11. Which position do I dislike the most?
12. Do I want to incorporate sex toys into our fucking?
13. Do I want to have anal sex?
14. What else can we do to make me come during sex?
15. What dirty words would I like to say and get you to say during sex?
Questions for you:
1. What gets you in the mood for sex?
2. What form of foreplay do you like?
3. Is there any form of foreplay you want to try that we haven't tried yet?
4. What do you like about my blow-job technique?
5. What else would you like me to do when giving you head?
6. Do you want me to start playing with your anus when I'm sucking you off?
7. How do you like me to dress for sex?
8. Where do you like to be kissed?
9. How do you like to be touched?
10. What position do you love fucking me in?
11. Which position do you feel sexiest in?
12. Which position do you dislike the most?
13. What lube do you most love using and where do you want to put it?
14. Does the thought of anal sex turn you on?
15. What dirty words would you most love to say and get me to say during sex?
Toy Joy claims that its Tower of Power Max Vibrator is the world's most powerful vibrator and, having had a play with it in the office, we're not inclined to argue. It takes 3 C batteries and packs a mightier punch than a short-sighted student in a vodka factory.
Give us your opinion in the Lovehoney Sexy Music Survey and you could win one of three iPod Nanos!
Nobody's too sexy for our survey, right Fred?!
Sex and relationships expert Dr Victoria Lukats has some advice for a wife whose husband is asking for anal sex but her sex drive is out of step with his.
"Why does having a lower sex drive than your husband make you frigid?" she writes in Metro. "It's not really your problem alone - it's an issue that affects you both as a couple…"
Talk over your issues helps enormously, and a better sex book can be a great ice-breaker.
Another great review from Orgasm Army!
"Unlike hard vibrators which can be a bit 'ouch' inside you (even with lots of lube), this vibrator is made from silicone, which is very soft and has a velvet feel so it feels AMAZING inside you.
The shaft is very flexible which is great for times of climax as it can be gently positioned to reach right where you want it.
The swirled ridges for extra stimulation work wonders, making climaxing so much easier to achieve.
It is waterproof, tried and tested!
Being waterproof makes this vibrator even more wonderful, as it can be used in the bath, for fun bath time play and even washed after use which is always a great hygiene feature!
This is my faveorite vibrator (I have another one and 1 rabbit) by far because it's feels so soft and wonderful inside.
Normally it takes me about 30 minutes for me to cum during sex (with foreplay) and about 20 minutes with a vibrator (about 10 minutes with the rabbit) but with this beauty it only took me 5 minutes to cum, I enjoyed every second!
Recommended to every woman! 10/10!"
See the full Pure Vibes Waterproof Silicone Swirl Vibe review at Orgasm Army.
Buy the Pure Vibes Waterproof Silicone Swirl Vibe at Lovehoney.
I love nothing more than coming home from a busy day at work and being pampered and treated to a bubble bath, some scented candles, gorgeous champagne and a long, sensual massage.
Not only does a massage help to relieve my stress levels, but it also provides my lover with a great opportunity to explore and stimulate my erogenous zones, making me feeling much more turned on and receptive to sex.
When it comes to choosing a massage oil I usually go for one that contains Ylang Ylang, which is known for its aphrodisiac properties, but any luxurious and slightly scented oil will work just as well. It's worth noting, however, that if your lover has sensitive skin, non-perfumed massage oil would be a better choice.
Follow the step-by-step guide below, and give your lover a sensual treat that will relax and unwind him in the bedroom:
Another great review from Orgasm Army!
"This is a neat cock ring that vibrates when it's spread apart, which happens every time it comes into contact with another body!
It's made of a really strong, stretchy material that hugs you tightly, which makes it good for maintaining erections too. The vibrations go right through the whole ring, and my partner was obviously pleased with the strength of vibrations to her sensitive spots!
Unlike many rings this baby looks built to last, and you can replace the batteries too. In fact ours came with two with the package.
Il liek the fact that this is a toy for couples - two people can get pleasure from it in different ways! Recommended."
See the full Auto Pulsator Ring review at Orgasm Army.
Buy the Auto Pulsator Ring at Lovehoney.
You know how it is. It's one week before payday – when you're on a tight enough budget as it is – and you get slapped with an overdue credit card bill that has to be paid NOW or the world will implode. Oh yes, and it arrives on the morning of your big night out with that hot Italian post-grad exchange student you met at Covent Garden. Which in turn means that the silky new basque you planned to buy and seduce said Italian exchange student with will have to be left on the hanger. Great.
That happened to me last Saturday, if you hadn't already guessed. So my night of indulging someone of foreign tongue was well and truly up the swanny. And after handing over all but £70 of my remaining wages, I decided that if I was going to have a night in on my own then I at least needed a few girlie treats to occupy myself with.
Naturally, when I think treats I'm thinking mind-blowingly awesome handcrafted chocolates, some gorgeous, funky new make-up to play around with and a triple-orgasm inducing sex machine. Que Hotel Chocolate; the new Big Beautiful Eyes compact from Benefit cosmetics and a hunking slab of jelly wonderness in the form of the (the seemed a bit to much of a mission for a Saturday night in alone).
After gorging myself on a selection of toe-curling white, milk and dark handcrafted chocolates, and giving my eyes the Bardot treatment with Benefit's ultra-cool new palette, I decided to test drive my latest sex toy.
With a whopping 18-inches of jelly-liciousness to satisfy my anal and vaginal cravings, I decided to prepare with a good slathering of , rubbing it slowly and tantalizingly over my pussy and anus to get my own juices flowing. After easing myself into position over both ends of the double dong, I began to work it slowly at first to get used to the feeling and to capture my sense of rhythm.
You know I've had a threesome on more than one occasion, but never before have I had a sex toy that has brought me so close to the feeling of being fucked by two guys simultaneously. I mean, I could close my eyes and imagined my Italian exchange student taking me up the arse while his swarve, sexy and more mature post-grad tutor fucked me upfront. I just couldn't stop myself from thrusting away against the double hit of jelly 'heads' while flicking, tapping and rubbing my clit with a handful of lube.
I don't know exactly how long I was getting down with my double dong, but I stopped counting after two orgasms and a near third. The next time I have a session with my double dong, I'm going to film it and send it to that Italian post-grad exchange student, then invite him and his tutor around for tea…