Hey sex kittens
Don't miss tomorrow's blog, as it will be the first part in a new Masterclass series about how to talk dirty to your lover.
We're going to start off simply with a few sexy phrases and suggestions of scenarios in which to use them; working all the way up over the next few weeks to turn you into a dirty sex talk goddess.
See you in class tomorrow… and don't be late or I'll spank your bottom!
Not content with grabbing the bosoms of embarrassed women and criticising their fashion tastes to the point of abuse, on their old BBC Show What Not To Wear, self-professed fashion stylists Trinny and Susannah are now hell-bent on trying their hand at 'healing marriages' in a new sex show.
Trinny And Susannah Undress starts next Tuesday (3 Oct) on ITV1, and is said to revolve around married couples whose sex lives have taken a nosedive.
And how exactly do Trinny and Susannah think they can put the "Oooh" back into a stale, 'sex is the last thing on my mind' marriage? By hiring a hotel room and locking the poor marital sods in there, with all manner of kinky treats including leopard-print handcuffs, edible panties and body paint.
Susannah even takes one of the women featured on the show shopping for sex toys. Let's hope she starts them off on a Mini Rabbit vibe and not a Strap-on…
According to the press release, Trinny And Susannah Undress also contains a segment called Naked Truth, during which the couple they're trying to help gets the chance to strip off behind a screen and talk about each other's bodies. Hmmm, here's hoping for some dirty talk!
I'll definitely be checking this out next Tuesday, if not to see if they actually achieve anything with this program but to see what Trinny and Susannah deem 'sexy' when it comes to male underpants.
So tired an busy and it's only mid-week. I went for a lovely deep-tissue massage thie evening and am totally zonked now. No tasting and am watching King Kong whilst typing… Will try to have something more relevant to say soon… ;-)
I only saw Jason asleep on Tuesday. I met a friend for a drink after work and Jason was asleep when I got home. Needless to say, there was no tasting.
It did occur to me after I went to bed that some of you may be wondering where safe sex comes into the equation. It's probably fairly obvious to you that we don't use condoms. We did when we first met, but once we realised that this wasn't just a quick fling, we got tested for everything. And, yes, I know that only works if we both stay faithful……. so far, so good.
If you have a spare few minutes whilst at home or in work this afternoon, hop on over to the BBC website and check out their bizarre but true story of Beijing's Penis Emporium.
Dog penises and testes, donkey cock, snake penises (snakes apparently have two each penises, according to a source quoted in the piece); sheep, horse, ox, seal and tiger. Apparently, all tastes and bank balances are catered for at Beijing's Penis Emporium.
I know the old saying goes something like, 'Don't knock it until you try it.' But seal penis? I don't think so…
Greetings people. Well, all I seem to have been doing the past couple of days is trying to recover from the weekend. I know, I know. I don't know why I do it either. It seemed like a good idea at the time. And, yes, I do realise all the horrible things I am doing to my body by consuming so much alcohol in one go. Hey, I'm just pre-empting someone writing to me and telling me.
I was at the gym again last night and tonight but thankfully the only thing I'm doing tomorrow is going for the massage that I've been promising myself I'll go for for ages. Deep tissue and hopefully painful. Hey, as far as I'm concerned it can't be doing much good unless it's painful.
Not sure that applies to everything in life but I have to see that usually the toughest of situations can reap the best of rewards. Well, maybe. Or maybe it just seems that way when you've been through a load of crap - you become grateful for any moment of pleasure! lol And the other kinds of pain? In the bedroom? I'm not adverse to a little of that. I have to say in the past that I have left some serious welts on partners. I tend to be a little more sedate and considerate these days and don't get as much of a kick out of 'marking my territory'! And pain executed on me? In moderation. Biting, being handled a little roughly. Being dominated by the lovely Shane. Aaaah. That's always a good thing… ;-)
Until the next time.
Another great review from Orgasm Army!
"The Tantus Feeldoe, designed for women by women, is an absolute delight to behold. Seven inches of purple pleasure curves upwards in a beautifully feminine way, contrasted with the provocative boldness of the bulb. It has a comforting heaviness about it, and the clitoral ridges are a reminder of pleasure that the 'giver' will also receive during lovemaking. The ridge running along the underside of the toy means that the Feeldoe can be used in harness, too, for a little extra support.
The flexible silicone warms to the touch - no more freezing cold, mood-spoiling encounters. A little water-based lube is all that's needed to gently ease in the bulb and move the toy slightly forwards so that the ridges make contact with the clitoris. It is necessary to close your thighs tightly in order to hold the toy in place as you smoothly penetrate your partner in the missionary position…
See the full Tantus FeelDoe Silicone Double Dildo review at Orgasm Army.
Buy the New Tantus FeelDoe Vibrating Silicone Double Dildo at Lovehoney.
Day: Monday 25/9/06
Location: On top of the bed
Circumstances: Short tasting at the end of sex
How did he taste? Neutral
Sperm Test Rating: 5 (1=normal, 100=Golden Delicious Apple)
I was completely on autopilot today at work. Coming home, I managed to walk past the flat and try to get in next door. Anyway true to my word, I made time for sex today - in fact we had loads of time. We were both naked by 8pm - Jason didn't bother getting dressed after his shower and if he's naked, I'm naked.
We were both lying on the bed playing Civilization and reading Viz (just setting the scene folks) when the Salty Sailor reared his head and we got the urge. We agreed in advance that we were doing a tasting. We had sex, me on top. Jason definitely found my J-spot, as I have renamed it. As soon as I was done, Jason flipped us both over, the Salty Sailor gave me a jolly rogering and then at the last moment, re-aligned himself so I could get a tasting. Verdict: neutral and (oddly) quite runny.
Didn't get up until lunchtime. We were both still exhausted from our socialising. Jason had other commitments during the day and then had an early night, so there was a distinct lack of opportunity for any shenanigans. Plus I'm a bit pre-menstrual, so I've not been thinking about it as much as usual. I feel like I'm short-changing my public. Note to self: make time for sex.